This is the kind of quality person that Lindsay Lohan attracts. Can I say it? Ewwwww. Creepy McCreepersons here was patiently waiting in the wee hours of the morning to see his idol. I don’t think even Lindsay deserves to have this dude stalking her. Okay, I take that back. She does.

It’s a loser match made in heaven!

Noah Cyrus, ten-year-old sister of Miley Cyrus, has been on this site twice, both times for being creepy and disturbing (once for dressing like a child prostitute and once for appearing in a YouTube video singing and dancing to Akon’s “Smack That”). Not satisfied with freaking people out by acting like a preteen whore, Noah has moved on to singing about alcoholic partying, appearing in a YouTube video lip-synching (poorly) to Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” with an unidentified man.

This is creepy for many reasons, most of which involve the fact that this kid is TEN YEARS OLD.  She should not be singing about brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack, trying to get a little tipsy, having plenty of beer, or getting crunk and having boys try to touch her junk.  SHE’S TEN.  Even in the Cyrus family, that shit can wait until she’s at least 12.

In other news, holy hell this is one unfortunate looking kid, huh?  Miley’s kinda homely herself, but DAYUM her little sister is fug.  And that’s some serious Hermione Granger hair she’s got going on.  Your family’s got millions, kid.  I think maybe they’d buy you a brush if you asked nicely.

We’re smack dab in the middle of the Christmastime news slowdown, people. No one’s slipping any nipple, no one’s really misbehaving, NOTHING’S FREAKING HAPPENING! So, here’s a really random, really creepy video of some guy made of himself making out with a Hannah Montana towel courtesy of Buzzfeed. In it, the man “undresses” the Hannah Montana towel, feeds her pre-chewed chocolate, makes out with her, and ends by washing her in the sink, all set to the tune of Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares”. It’s almost too gross and creepy to watch, but it was either this or reading about Jon & Kate Gosselin finally getting divorced. After watching this video, you might want that story instead.

At least they are when Evian water uses digitally enhanced ones in their commercial. I’d imagine that overpriced name brand water is taking a hit right now, but surely they could come up with something less creepy. Can’t sleep, roller skating babies will eat me!