I posted a link about the “So You Think You Can Dance” vagina flasher in the quickies today, but TMZ only had the one disappointingly censored picture of Contestant #22036’s crotch. There’s where I step in with a full sixteen seconds of slow motion audition video of what may or may not be a black person, possibly a Pacific Islander, flashing the judges as she wallows in the floor. Granted, she could just be wearing a brown thong or cursed with the kind of booty fat that hangs down low and gives the appearance of being labial in nature. I don’t know. I’ve watched it three times now and I still don’t see it. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t keep trying! That’s just my strong work ethic for you.

Paris Hilton flashed her black panties from the back of the car as she left Punk nightclub in Soho last night. I’m sure you’re as shocked as I am! Not but the crotch-baring, but by the fact her panties aren’t a blend of irradiated teflon, PVC and tyvek held together with heat-sealed Thermo bond seams. I figured that regular cotton panties would have burned up on first contact!