She’s finally all ours, ladies — disgraced Danity Kane star Aubrey O’Day has “come out” as a lesbian. Page Six says

The press-hungry star showed up… at NASCAR’s party at Marquee with a woman she introduced as “my girlfriend,” [and later added] that her dog, Ginger, was “also a lesbian.”

So she’s a lesbian now, is she? No thanks. I wouldn’t fuck that nasty bitch even if I had a bag of a hundred vaginas. And besides, I could think of a million better things to do with a bag of a hundred vaginas than scissoring with Aubrey O’Day. I might plant a couple out in the garden next to the rose bushes and see if I can’t grow my very own Richard Marx or Justin Timberlake. Maybe even toss a couple off an interstate overpass onto the windshields of oncoming traffic, just for shits and giggles. “It’s a bird! It’s a squid! No… it’s a vagina!”. And whatever was leftover I’d pass out at my Jedi Council Forum meeting, effectively securing my place as The Chosen One.

Aubrey at the NASCAR event on Saturday:

Danity Kane star(?) Aubrey O’Day is featured in next month’s issue of Complex magazine, in which she divulges her penchant for masturbating to biracial porn and discussing the female menstrual cycle. An excerpt from the interview below:

Aubrey O’Day: If I have to be ridiculed and called a whore and the party animal and the dumb girl for the rest of my career, I’m OK with that. Because I love who I am.

When people hear you’re best friends with Jenna Jameson, they think—

Aubrey O’Day: [They think that] I’m going to do sex tapes and porn. Jenna and I never even talk about porn. I think one time Jenna and I had a conversation about having sex on your period. There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna for advice and she’s like, “Honey, it’s just a little war paint, who cares?”

Is this an uncomfortable subject?

Aubrey O’Day: Oh, it’s fine. I love talking about my period.

Well, I suppose it’s something that can be broached with—

Aubrey O’Day: —someone you trust. Or you could just have anal sex.

Ha, ha — let’s just stop right there! My monacle’s getting all steamed up from so much classiness. Okay, all better now.

Aubrey O’Day: I love porn.

You love watching it?

Aubrey O’Day: Totally. I watch YouPorn. [My favorite star is] Jenna Jameson, obviously.

Is it weird watching your BFF?

Aubrey O’Day: I watched her before she was my BFF, I don’t watch her anymore. I was actually masturbating one night to, like, Anal Sex Compilation #3 or whatever, and she was in it and I was like, “Oh no!” I had to turn it off. It was horrible.

I usually watch black guys doing white girls, that’s my little fetish, even though in real life race isn’t a factor for me. Really, I’m more turned on by watching the girls than the guys. I love someone who looks like they’re really into sex.

Aaand stop. Jesus. I don’t even know where to start. There’s sluttiness, and then there’s this. Can you say “tranny skankwad?” Because I can’t. On account of the harelip. So pity me, you heartless assholes.