Bromance is in the air! David Beckham and Tom Cruise are going to be BFF’s 4-EVER! I bet they have their own secret best friend handshake, except it’s not so much as a handshake as a crotch grab. Says Daily News,

In “The Beckham Experiment,” Sports Illustrated writer Grant Wahl devotes nearly an entire chapter to the bromance between the soccer stud and A-list actor. To hear Becks tell it, Cruise has influenced every major decision he has made since the two met in 2003.

…Beckham says he talks to his best mate most days of the week and takes his advice on nearly everything. Tom was influential in Becks’ decision to take a job with the L.A. Galaxy. He also recommended Beckham’s physical therapist and introduced him to another superstar pal, Will Smith.

Cruise even influenced Beckham’s decision in naming his third son, Cruz.

“I must admit, when [Victoria and I] met Tom, I remember turning around to Victoria and saying, ‘Cruise is a great name, but we could spell it different,’” Beckham told Wahl for the book, due from Crown Publishing on Tuesday. “And also, living in Spain, Cruz is spelled the way it is in Spanish. So that’s why we got it.”

One thing the brothers from another mother don’t share, however, is a love of Scientology. Beckham is adamant that he has no interest in his pal’s faith. “It’s something I respect, because Tom’s explained to me and Victoria what it’s all about. But he’s never turned around and said, ‘That is what you should be doing,’ because he would never do that. He and Katie have their beliefs … but me and Victoria have also got our own.”

I thought that in Scientology, if those around you don’t drink the Kool-Aid, you’re supposed to disown them? Perhaps in this case, love conquers all.

It looks like Seaman Recruit David Beckham is all ready to set sea and anchor detail on the S.S. Gay Man’s Wet Dream. Bon ménage voyage, mateys!

With wife Victoria Beckham:

Mr. Posh Spice David Beckham unveiled images for the new Emporio Armani fall/winter underwear campaign at Selfridges in London today.  I don’t really have a whole lot to add here.  Pictures of athletic men in their undershorts generally tend to speak for themselves, I feel.

Beckham for the Emporio Armani fall/winter underwear campaign:

Launching the new campaign at Selfridges in London:

August 29th, 1997, 2:14 a.m. Eastern Standard Time: Skynet becomes self-aware.

April 17, 2009, 12:19 p.m. Eastern Standard Time: Women the world over become self-aware. Of their vaginas. Rowr.

Various pictures of David Beckham shirtless:

Yes that’s right, I like to bring a little variety into the daily parade of women. Here’s soccer/football/foosball star David Beckham for the viewing pleasure of my ladies! Another chance to see how lucky Lady Bonejangles Beckham is for nabbing such a hottie. You’re welcome!

Playing somewhere I don’t care about:

I have a hard time believing that Victoria Beckham could have possibly given birth to three kids. Where exactly did she keep them? If she swallowed a whole grapefruit she’d probably split open. But I suppose that’s the magic of plastic surgery and a diet of air and water. How do you suppose muscular David Beckham keeps from shattering her pelvis when he’s doing her? Maybe they duct tape pillows to each buttcheek (as it were) to provide a little shock absorption.

At the grand opening of the Armani 5th Avenue store in Manhattan, NYC.

Victoria Beckham has stolen a page from husband David’s book by stripping down to her knickers for a new Giorgio Armani advert. Half-naked insect women must be 2009’s Birkin bag! The Sun says

Her… first ever underwear shoot [is] for the fashion house’s Spring Summer campaign. The 12 million modeling deal follows the huge success of David’s eye-popping Armani campaign last summer.

Only David did it much better. See, he’s an international superstar athlete with the body of a Teutonic god, and she’s a praying mantis with hideous fake tits and skin like a thirteen-year old boy. I could put a pair of cantalopes in a Cross-Your-Heart and hang ‘em from a stop sign and still it’d be more erotic than this shit right here.

David Beckham’s official 2009 calendar is available for pre-order on Amazon.com, ladies! It’s about time we had something delectable to look at, wouldn’t you agree girls? Maybe if you’re really bad good Santa will leave this in your stocking! There’s really not much to be said here. I’ll let the pictures do the talkin’, your hands do the walkin’!

There’s something different about David Beckham (before, left) in these new Emporio Armani underpants ads (right and below). Besides not looking like reject from a Wham! cover band in Max Headroom sunglasses, I mean. Something different. I just can’t quite seem to put my finger hand both fists on it! Any ideas?