Whitney Houston’s final autopsy report was released today, and it will probably shock you to hear this, but… cops found cocaine in Whitney’s hotel room. In more than one place. And it appears that she had been doing cocaine for years. Who knew? She certainly hid it so well! TMZ says:

The report, which gives a detailed description of Whitney’s room when officials arrived, says “Located on the south portion of the counter was a small spoon with a white crystal-like substance in it and a rolled up piece of white paper, along with other miscellaneous items.”

“Located in the top drawer, in the north side of the counter were remnants of a white powdery substance, and a portable mirror on a base.” Officials found more white powder on the base of the mirror.

Whitney’s body was discovered FACE DOWN in the bath tub … with a “bloody purge coming from her nose.”

The report notes Whitney had a history of substance abuse, which was evident by a “perforation of posterior nasal septum.”

The singer’s official cause of death is listed as accidental drowning — but heart disease and “chronic” cocaine use were contributing factors.

Face down with a bloody purge coming from the nose? Ooh, I know what I’m gonna be for Halloween!

In news that really isn’t news, drugs were a major factor in Whitney Houston’s untimely death. You can return to your regularly scheduled program. TMZ reports,

An official for the L.A. County Coroner’s Office just stated … Whitney Houston used cocaine immediately prior to her death.

Coroner Chief Craig Harvey just held a news conference — claiming the toxicology results suggested Whitney was a “chronic” cocaine user.

Harvey described the cocaine level in Whitney’s system as “acute” — indicating Whitney used the drug not long before she accidentally drowned in a bathtub at the Beverly Hilton hotel last month. “Accidental drowning” is listed as Whitney’s official cause of death.

According to Harvey, the autopsy revealed a 60% narrowing of Whitney’s arteries — a direct result of the chronic cocaine use. Harvey claims the artery constriction led to a cardiac event before her death.

As for the other drugs in her system — marijuana, Benadryl, Flexeril, and Xanax — which Harvey claims were all at or below therapeutic levels … and did not significantly contribute to her death.

It would all be pretty cut and dried, except for the fact that someone was able to rid her room of all incriminating evidence before the cops showed up:

Sources connected to Whitney Houston who were with Whitney the day she died tell TMZ … an individual removed all traces of cocaine from the room before authorities arrived.

The Coroner’s Office says Whitney used cocaine “immediately prior to her collapse.” Investigators who arrived on scene found no traces of cocaine or any other illegal substance.

One source who is extremely close to the situation tells us … the individual who removed the cocaine was also the person who supplied it to Whitney.

That has to be a lot of coke to narrow your arteries by 60%. Hell, she must have had so much of that shit in her system she farted white powder. It would be like that America’s Funniest Home Videos clip where the baby farts and sends a baby powder-loaded fart into the air, except of course it’s a lot cuter and there isn’t a cardiac arrest and inhalation of bath water involved. That doesn’t go very well with the family demographic.

Elizabeth Banks, Malin Akerman and Milla Jovovich at the Restoration Hardware Spring launch in LA:

In totally bum-you-out news, the co-creator of the well-loved children’s books The Berenstain Bears has died at 88. If you grew up anywhere in America within the last several decades, you are probably familiar with the series.  TMZ reports,

Children’s book legend Jan Berenstain — who co-created the Berenstain Bears — died Friday at 88-years-old after suffering a stroke … this according to her family.

Jan and her husband Stan Berenstain created the Bear family — Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Brother Bear and Sister Bear — back in 1962 … when they published their first book, “The Big Honey Hunt.”

Since then, they fired out more than 300 stories.

According to Jan’s son, Jan suffered a severe stroke on Thursday and died the following day.

Stan died back in 2005 at the age of 82.

I’m a total nostalgia whore, so I still have all my Berenstain Bears books, and have shared them with my son. Those were some awesome books. Who would have thought that a series about some hillbilly bears would be so enduring? I doff my blue polka-dot maid’s cap to you, Jan Berenstain. Rest in peace.

Here’s some Bar Refaeli at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party to cheer you up:

Whitney Houston’s family announced yesterday that there would be no public memorial service or public wake before the singer’s funeral on Saturday (although the funeral will be televised), leaving thousands of fans understandably disappointed. Almost as disappointed as Whitney’s family was when they learned that Clive Davis — who had been footing all of Whitney’s bills for the last year — would not be paying for her funeral. A source told Radar Online:

“Clive was paying the majority of Whitney’s bills before she died. He was even paying for her room at the Beverly Hilton Hotel; she was out of money. She didn’t have anything left.

Clive won’t be paying for any part of Whitney’s funeral though. Whitney’s family will be responsible for all the costs.

Whitney’s fortune is gone… music industry heavy hitters [were] supporting her and her label [was] fronting her cash against her next album. She might [have been] homeless if not for people saving her. She [was] broke as a joke.”

Is anybody really surprised to discover she was broke? Crackheads aren’t exactly known for their sound investments and fiscal prowess. Not unless you count the return on aluminum cans and most cigarette-and-homemade-shank-traded commodities.

Nina Agdal in the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue:

The body of Whitney Houston arrived in New Jersey late last night via private plane as it was revealed that Whitney will be laid to rest in her childhood hometown of Newark. People Magazine says:

The late singer’s body was flown from Los Angeles via a plane owned by actor-producer Tyler Perry.

Security was tight at the Teterboro, N.J., airport, where a gold hearse left the airport heading to the Whigham Funeral Home in Newark. About 50 fans mourning the death of 48-year-old Houston [and] sung along to some of her greatest hits and lit candles in her memory.

Houston’s invitation-only funeral will take place Saturday at noon at the New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, N.J.

Houston was born in Newark, where she began singing in church as a child in the choir.

Right after she died, I heard someone on the radio talking about the three divas up in heaven — Amy Winehouse, Etta James, and Whitney Houston — and they were waxing on and on about how they’d all be singing together and be best buds, then I thought to myself, wait… no, they wouldn’t. They’d fucking kill each other. Every last one of those bitches is crazy. Amy will just as soon beat you with her own beehive as look at you and you just know Whitney Houston’s stabbed somebody before, and Etta James — well, Etta James is old and black. I trust you’ve seen enough Tyler Perry movies to know how dangerous a combination that is.

Last night’s Grammy Awards was the second most watched Grammys ever, with over 39 million viewers tuning in to see the tribute to the late Whitney Houston. People Magazine says:

Whitney Houston’s death 24 hours before the event turned the CBS special into a night of mourning and celebration cresting on big, pure emotions.

LL Cool J, who handled the hosting duties without any perceptible wrinkling in his uncanny smoothness, opened with a simple prayer for Houston, “a woman who we loved … our fallen sister.” This set up a clip of the six-time Grammy winner belting her signature hit “I Will Always Love You.”

The song was reprised by Jennifer Hudson in one of the night’s high points. You wouldn’t have blamed Hudson if she fumbled it, but it was a strong, humble, honest interpretation – a sincere salute to Houston, and not an attempt to outshine her.

My heart is as black and as cold as they come, but seeing her in her prime in that tribute clip really gave me a case of the sads. Lipsynching “Greatest Love of All” into a hairbrush was practically a rite of passage for girls in the eighties. I can’t stand Barbra Streisand, but I really think she said it best: “How sad her gifts could not bring her the same happiness they brought us.” Rest in peace, Whitney.

A complete list of the night’s winners after the jump; Jennifer Hudson’s tribute to Whitney below:

(more…)

I wanna try to get all the Whitney stuff out of the way before we start talking about last night’s Grammy Awards, so you might want to sit down before you read any further. Turns out it was a mixture of pills and alcohol that killed her, not drowning. Shocking, I know. The Daily Mail says:

Whitney Houston died from mixing a cocktail of Xanax and other powerful prescription drugs with alcohol.

Her family has allegedly been told by Los Angeles County Coroner officials there was not enough water in her lungs to conclude she had drowned in her luxury hotel bathtub and in fact died before her head went under water.

And in more depressing Whitney-related news, daughter Bobbi Kristina has been hospitalized twice in the last 24 hours amidst rumors that she’s become suicidal. The Daily Mail says:

The teenager was first admitted after allegedly passing out after drinking alcohol and then taking a sedative pill given to her by one of her mother’s entourage to calm her down upon learning of [her mother's death].

She was then pictured being taken out of the Beverly Hilton — the same hotel where her mother had died just hours earlier — on a stretcher at 10:30 am yesterday and being rushed to Cedars-Sinai where she was treated for extreme anxiety.

She was released several hours later, but friends and family are still very concerned about her mental state.

It’s all just so tragic. I’m sure you’ve been bummed out all morning. But hopefully, these nude(ish) pics of Olivia Wilde for Lance Staedler will cheer you up just as much as they did me. They really did wonders for the ol’ morale, if you know what I mean.

In fact, I think I’m gonna go cheer myself up with them again right now. BRB:

By now you’ve no doubt heard, but 48-year-old pop legend Whitney Houston was found dead in her Beverly Hills hotel room bathtub on Saturday, just hours before she was to take the stage at Clive Davis’s annual pre-Grammy party. TMZ says:

Her stylist, hairdresser and two bodyguards were among the people in the room… theybecame worried about Whitney because she had been in the bathroom for over an hour and it was time to start getting ready for the Clive Davis party.

They began to knock on the door and there was no answer. The hairdresser, who is female, went in to check on Whitney. She immediately screamed and, according to our sources, one of the bodyguards came running in and pulled her out of the tub.

We’re told Whitney’s face was below the water and her legs were up, like she had slid down the back of the tub.

Her body was very cold and the bodyguard attempted CPR. That’s when hotel security was called.

Paramedics arrived shortly thereafter, but Whitney was pronounced dead at 3:55 PM.

Initial coroner’s reports indicate that water was found in Whitney’s lungs, but whether she died from drowning or whether it was the “plethora of sedatives, including Lorazepam, Valium, Xanax, and sleeping medication” found in her room that actually did her in still remains to be seen, and toxicology results won’t be back for at least another month. So sad. Such a waste of talent and life. Not to mention I had Lindsay Lohan waaaay ahead of her in my celebrity death pool. That’s another five bucks I won’t be getting back.

In newly released testimony from her 2009 legal petition for a restraining order against mother Courtney Love, Frances Bean Cobain accused mommy dearest of killing the family dog and cat and dragging her along on drunken domestic altercations with various ex-boyfriends. I bet that makes Mother’s Day kinda awkward — don’t know that Hallmark makes a card for “The Mother Who Must Remian 500 Feet Away All Times.” The Daily Mail says:

Backed by evidence from her male nanny and others the judge granted [Frances'] request, as well as ordering the Hole singer stay away from her daughter’s pet dog Uncle Fester.

Frances said her mother’s chaotic behavior was the reason for the death of two family pets — her cat died after getting entangled in piles of boxes of paperwork, trash and other possessions, while a dog died allegedly after swallowing a pile of Love’s pills.

[Frances also claimed that] her mother dragged her to James Barber’s house when she was 17, and that she sat in a taxi while her mother had a volcanic confrontation with her then boyfriend, [saying], “She’s outside the house, in her bare feet, [screaming] at him… she threw rocks at the house, and threatened to burn his house down… his children were inside the house, but that did not stop my mother.”

And then for good measure, Frances adds:

“[My mother] has taken drugs for as long as I can remember. She basically exists now on Xanax, Adderall, Sonata and Abilify, sugar and cigarettes.

She rarely eats… She often falls asleep in her bed while she is smoking, and I am constantly worried that she will start a fire (which she has done at least three times) that will threaten our lives.”

And then there’s this little gem, from Courtney herself:

[Love] said: “The strange thing is, while the crack screwed me up in a lot of ways, it improved me in certain others.

I’ve never been good with numbers, but when I was on crack I could do math really, really well. I became a fucking whiz at calculus.”

Now it’s time for some Kate Upton in a bikini again, because I know the human brain can only take so much Courtney Love before it spontaneously shuts down. Reports indicate that “24 Hours of Courtney Love” was responsible for 95% of all temporary amnesia cases in the year 2002 alone. I’m pretty sure the other five percent have something to do with soap opera villains.

Former Backstreet Boy Nick Carter’s 25-year-old sister Leslie died last night in what is believed to have been an accidental overdose of prescription medication. TMZ says:

The 25-year-old sister of Nick Carter had recently moved from Canada to Upstate New York to live with family members while she attempted to kick her addiction.

Family members had attempted to rid the home of any prescription medication — including Xanax — and were hopeful Leslie was on the road to recovery.

Sources say family members believed Leslie would be OK to stay alone in the home for roughly an hour yesterday while they ran errands … but when they returned, Leslie was unconscious.

Officials were called to the scene … but Leslie could not be saved.

We’re told Leslie’s 1-year-old daughter was not at home with Carter at the time of her death.

The cracked-out apple sure doesn’t fall far from the fucked-up tree, does it? This is why alcoholic stage mothers should just be spayed. Otherwise you wind up with kids that are more like feral cats than people.

Guess/Victoria’s Secret model Kate Upton for Deep Blue swimwear, because she doesn’t haven a meth-carved exoskeleton:

A coroner’s report released in London today lists Amy Winehouse’s official cause of death as “an unintended consequence of drinking too much alcohol.” The NY Daily News says:

Coroner Suzanne Greenaway gave a verdict of “death by misadventure,” saying the singer had voluntarily consumed alcohol and risked the consequences.

A pathologist told the singer’s inquest Wednesday that Winehouse had consumed a “very large quantity of alcohol” and was more than five times over the legal drunk-driving limit when she died.

Five times the legal limit. Jesus. I bet her liver was the size of a fucking Christmas ham. She practically embalmed herself.

After battling pancreatic cancer for the last seven years, Apple founder Steve Jobs died today. He was 56 years old. Apple said on their official website:

“Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius, and the world has lost an amazing human being.

Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have built, and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple.”

His family said in a statement:

“Steve died peacefully today surrounded by his family. In his public life, Steve was known as a visionary; in his private life, he cherished his family. We are thankful to the many people who have shared their wishes and prayers during the last year of Steve’s illness.”

Steve Jobs had more money than God, but I guaran-damn-tee he’d have given it all up for just one more day. If you’ll excuse me now, I’m gonna go sit in my room in the dark and put “Everybody Hurts” on repeat for a while.