If you’re looking to assign blame for this travesty of an outfit, it seems we should look no further than fashion designer Nicola Formichetti, the creative director of Mugler. He told Page Six he was currently “dressing the mom-to-be,” although calling what he’s doing “dressing” is a bit of a stretch. “Festooning” or “pranking,” yes, but not dressing. There’s dignity implied in that.

Check out some menswear trends that are actually wearable in the gallery above.

Lindsay Lohan met German designer Phillip Plein on Friday; on Saturday, she was his new muse and model; and by Sunday she was fucking him. Okay, I’m kidding about that last part. We all know she fucked him the first day she met him. The Daily Mail says:

[Less than 24 hours after meeting him], Lohan was revealed as the face of the 33-year-old German’s embellished designs and was modeling for him.

The pair have been tactile since they met at Milan Fashion Week [on Friday] but last night they appeared to share a lingering kiss, shielded by a body guard.

Wearing a slinky black dress from Plein’s new line, Lindsay became slightly disheveled and seemingly more amorous [as the night wore on].

The Mean Girls star hadn’t seen a stitch of Plein’s new line until Saturday. She admitted that the collaboration came about ‘spontaneously.’

But by Sunday, as she posed [in his clothes] at Lake Como, she said: ‘Something important to know about this collection is that its expressing something a little bit more edgy.’

Whatever. He’s a virtual no-name who just hitched his cart to her tabloid notoriety to get free press for his shitty clothes, and she’s a drug addict who just wants instant access to all his German coke dealer friends. It’s mutualistic symbiosis, but with more syphilis and stimulants.

Miranda Kerr in a bikini from an old GQ photoshoot, because I don’t wanna have to look at any more Lindsay Lohan today:

Now you too can be a sparklepants! Marks & Spencer (they’re probably gay) are designing a line of panties men’s underwear that are inspired by Sparklepants-in-Chief Robert Pattinson. Says Digital Spy,

The slim-fit garments will be called the R-Pant, reports The Guardian.

The range of low-rise trunks and briefs are meant to be worn with skinny jeans like the kind worn by Pattinson.

The Twilight star will not appear in ad campaigns for the line nor has he endorsed it. However, Pattinson was recently spotted shopping at the retailer’s stores.

The underwear will also sport an absorbent layer in the crotch in case of spontaneous menstruation. Also look for R-Pant With Wings, coming this fall!

With Reese Witherspoon on the set of Like Water for Elephants:

Photo Source: Fame Pictures

Lindsay Sells her Clothes

Remember when Lindsay Lohan designed a collection for Ungaro, and it was pretty much the tackiest thing ever and ended up a colossal failure?  Well, apparently not everyone remembers, because someone is inexplicably letting LiLo expand her ridiculous 6126 line of leggings into a full collection for fall 2010.  From People:

Yesterday Lindsay took to Twitter to reveal that she would be expanding the collection beyond hosiery, saying, “i need MORE followers i am so sad about this, how can i tell everyone about my 6126 full collection COMING OUT! all clothing.” This morning, WWD confirms that the expanded collection will launch for fall 2010 and feature 100 pieces that range from $18 leggings to a $300 leather jacket. The following spring the line will grow even further, to encompass 150 items, including handbags, shoes, jewelry and cosmetics.

Wow, this is a great idea.  I’d actually be hard pressed to think of a better idea than to let an emaciated, homeless-looking space case make ugly rags for which I am expected to pay good money.  I noticed there are no plans for lingerie, though.  I guess Lindsay Lohan doesn’t believe in other people wearing knickers, either.  Maybe on the runway, the models will walk figure-eights around metal barrels full of burning bras.  Saggy tits are the wave of the future, yo.

Kate Moss is a spoiled brat

Are you one of the many unemployed, collecting your little pathetic unemployment check? Have you had to cut your spending, or are you worrying about losing your house? Well Kate Moss has way bigger problems than you, cupcake! Digital Spy reports,

Kate Moss has said that it would be a “major fashion faux pas” if she wore the same outfit as other stars at an event.

Speaking on upcoming MTV documentary Topshop NYC in 24 Hours, the model told Topshop boss Sir Philip Green that she had to have a unique dress for a launch, The Mirror reports.

Holding a green dress, Moss said: “Don’t you dare let anyone else wear that one. And I did ‘the look’ then. Don’t, because if you do it will be a disaster.

“If we sell too many of these and someone turns up wearing the same dress as me… you might have to take this one off the rack. What if I turn up and there are seven girls in it?”

She added: “We are gonna have to make some calls to make sure I am not turning up in the same dress as 17 other people, which would be a major fashion faux pas.”

If she’s worried about having a unique dress, I’ll gladly volunteer to take care of her wardrobe. There’s this fabulous new material called ForceFlex from the House of Hefty. It’s very clingy and sexy! I also can recommend some great heels from designer Semente Overshoos. Then she can sashay down the catwalk at Pier 14 and party with the fishes.

On her way home after dinner, probably to throw it up when she gets there

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