Lindsay Lohan met German designer Phillip Plein on Friday; on Saturday, she was his new muse and model; and by Sunday she was fucking him. Okay, I’m kidding about that last part. We all know she fucked him the first day she met him. The Daily Mail says:

[Less than 24 hours after meeting him], Lohan was revealed as the face of the 33-year-old German’s embellished designs and was modeling for him.

The pair have been tactile since they met at Milan Fashion Week [on Friday] but last night they appeared to share a lingering kiss, shielded by a body guard.

Wearing a slinky black dress from Plein’s new line, Lindsay became slightly disheveled and seemingly more amorous [as the night wore on].

The Mean Girls star hadn’t seen a stitch of Plein’s new line until Saturday. She admitted that the collaboration came about ‘spontaneously.’

But by Sunday, as she posed [in his clothes] at Lake Como, she said: ‘Something important to know about this collection is that its expressing something a little bit more edgy.’

Whatever. He’s a virtual no-name who just hitched his cart to her tabloid notoriety to get free press for his shitty clothes, and she’s a drug addict who just wants instant access to all his German coke dealer friends. It’s mutualistic symbiosis, but with more syphilis and stimulants.

Miranda Kerr in a bikini from an old GQ photoshoot, because I don’t wanna have to look at any more Lindsay Lohan today:

Now you too can be a sparklepants! Marks & Spencer (they’re probably gay) are designing a line of panties men’s underwear that are inspired by Sparklepants-in-Chief Robert Pattinson. Says Digital Spy,

The slim-fit garments will be called the R-Pant, reports The Guardian.

The range of low-rise trunks and briefs are meant to be worn with skinny jeans like the kind worn by Pattinson.

The Twilight star will not appear in ad campaigns for the line nor has he endorsed it. However, Pattinson was recently spotted shopping at the retailer’s stores.

The underwear will also sport an absorbent layer in the crotch in case of spontaneous menstruation. Also look for R-Pant With Wings, coming this fall!

With Reese Witherspoon on the set of Like Water for Elephants:

Photo Source: Fame Pictures

Remember when Lindsay Lohan designed a collection for Ungaro, and it was pretty much the tackiest thing ever and ended up a colossal failure?  Well, apparently not everyone remembers, because someone is inexplicably letting LiLo expand her ridiculous 6126 line of leggings into a full collection for fall 2010.  From People:

Yesterday Lindsay took to Twitter to reveal that she would be expanding the collection beyond hosiery, saying, “i need MORE followers i am so sad about this, how can i tell everyone about my 6126 full collection COMING OUT! all clothing.” This morning, WWD confirms that the expanded collection will launch for fall 2010 and feature 100 pieces that range from $18 leggings to a $300 leather jacket. The following spring the line will grow even further, to encompass 150 items, including handbags, shoes, jewelry and cosmetics.

Wow, this is a great idea.  I’d actually be hard pressed to think of a better idea than to let an emaciated, homeless-looking space case make ugly rags for which I am expected to pay good money.  I noticed there are no plans for lingerie, though.  I guess Lindsay Lohan doesn’t believe in other people wearing knickers, either.  Maybe on the runway, the models will walk figure-eights around metal barrels full of burning bras.  Saggy tits are the wave of the future, yo.

Are you one of the many unemployed, collecting your little pathetic unemployment check? Have you had to cut your spending, or are you worrying about losing your house? Well Kate Moss has way bigger problems than you, cupcake! Digital Spy reports,

Kate Moss has said that it would be a “major fashion faux pas” if she wore the same outfit as other stars at an event.

Speaking on upcoming MTV documentary Topshop NYC in 24 Hours, the model told Topshop boss Sir Philip Green that she had to have a unique dress for a launch, The Mirror reports.

Holding a green dress, Moss said: “Don’t you dare let anyone else wear that one. And I did ‘the look’ then. Don’t, because if you do it will be a disaster.

“If we sell too many of these and someone turns up wearing the same dress as me… you might have to take this one off the rack. What if I turn up and there are seven girls in it?”

She added: “We are gonna have to make some calls to make sure I am not turning up in the same dress as 17 other people, which would be a major fashion faux pas.”

If she’s worried about having a unique dress, I’ll gladly volunteer to take care of her wardrobe. There’s this fabulous new material called ForceFlex from the House of Hefty. It’s very clingy and sexy! I also can recommend some great heels from designer Semente Overshoos. Then she can sashay down the catwalk at Pier 14 and party with the fishes.

On her way home after dinner, probably to throw it up when she gets there

Lindsay Lohan’s swath of freckled destruction and epic failure continue! Rooting herself more firmly onto the “Do Not Invite” list, her supposed talks about joining the House of Ungaro has the current head designer threatening to leave if he catches wind of her. The New York Post reports,

Lohan is in Paris, according to multiple sources, talking to the House of Emanuel Ungaro about signing on as a “creative consultant” for the fashion line. But the current head designer of Ungaro, Esteban Cortazar, is not greeting the rehabbed starlet with open arms.

“Esteban is threatening to leave the company if they bring Lindsay on as a consultant,” said a fashion insider. “It has been a revolving door of designers there and if he leaves, his team will go with him.”

Ungaro owner Asim Abdullah signed Colombian-born Cortazar in 2007 at the age of 23. The young designer put his own line — which he’d launched in 2002 — on hold to join the troubled Ungaro house, and received warm reviews for the first Ungaro runway collection he debuted in March of last year.

Meanwhile Lohan, between a series of box-office bombs and highly publicized romances, has dabbled in fashion by designing a line of leggings and launching her own spray tan.

According to our source, “Ungaro thinks Lindsay is going to bring the company new energy and new buzz, but she is going to be the nail in the coffin. Nobody will take them seriously ever again.”

A rep for the House of Ungaro did not return our calls or e-mails. A lawyer for Cortazar had “no comment.”

Dabbled in fashion? Leggings are two pieces of fabric sewn together, usually with only one seam. They don’t even have to be cut specially to fit the body since they’re made of freaking spandex. It’s not rocket science, people. I’m pretty sure if I gave the local adult day care center some spandex, a sewing machine, and a Bedazzler, you’d get better shit than she can put out.

Sam Ronson and Lindsay arriving at Sam’s house at 2:45 AM: