You know that uncomfortable feeling you get when someone has no sense of dignity and spills their guts everywhere? Yeah, this is one of those stories. Sinead O’Connor is the perpetrator, and Huffington Post tells the ugly tale:

In a blog entry titled, “IS SINEAD ABOUT TO HUMP HER TRUCK?” O’connor worries that she’s “so desperate for sex” that she might do something drastic.

“My sh-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners,” she writes.

“Needless to say what I do for a living makes it hard for me to find men that only want me cuz they like my (legendary) arse. Yet I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun. and it’s VERY depressing.”

So to avoid the temptation of vegetables or automobiles, O’Connor has taken to her blog and twitter to try to find a suitable mate.

This call to arms for a “sweet sex-starved man” does not come without its stipulations.

The singer has crafted a rather thorough list of musts (“Must be blind enough to think I’m gorgeous”) and must nots (“Must not be named Brian or Nigel”).

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, the good times don’t stop at the produce section.

“Let me now take time to make VERY clear that yes I ‘do anal’ and in fact I would be deeply unhappy if ‘doing anal’ wasn’t on the menu, amongst everything else$$ So if u don’t like ‘the difficult brown’.. Don’t apply…”

Also, women “will also be very much considered.”

Applications will be funneled through O’Connor’s assistant. (Really.)

Thinking about dumpy Sinead humping trucks and doing anal is slightly less discomfiting than say, watching your teenaged mentally-challenged neighbor discover the joys of masturbation on the front porch. I only say it’s slightly less disturbing because I was able to record the incident in order to bribe his sister with it, who happened to be a royal bitch to me at school. In Sinead’s situation, I have no such chance of personal gain, so yes, it’s more disturbing.

Hey, speaking of anal, here’s Kim Kardashian at the MTV Video Music Awards:

Now that Lindsay Lohan’s dyed that man right out of her hair, she’s right back to her classic Lohan party tricks. Break out the Grey Goose and the knee pads, boys! OK! Magazine says

La Lohan’s night [began] around 1:45 a.m. at a birthday bash for producer/actor/party boy James Krisel. Lindsay was accompanied to the Hollywood Hills bash by five guys.

“People were pouring vodka into her red party cup all night,” a guest tells OK! “She was way beyond incoherent. She was totally smashed and couldn’t even form a sentence. She looked so lonely and lost.”

Not all of us consider being drunk to the point of obliteration and surrounded by a half a dozen horny guys an indication that we’re “lonely and lost.” Most of us actually consider that “our freshman and sophomore years of college.” I don’t know why everyone feels the need to mince words here.

Heading to a Beverly Hills’ lawyer’s office: