Twilight puss Robert Pattinson was forced to endure a 12-hour photo shoot with a bunch of naked chicks for his spread in next month’s Details magazine. See if you can guess how much he enjoyed that. Nine MSN says

“I really hate vaginas,” Showbiz Spy quoted him as saying. “I’m allergic to vagina. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours.

But I wasn’t exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover.”

“Allergic to vagina?” I’ve never heard it called that before. Most people usually refer to that condition as “faggoty-ass faggot.” In fact, that’s actually the correct term to use when filling out medical questionnaires and college applications. Just so you know.

Several of these are NSFW:

Channing Tatum is featured in the January 2010 issue of Details magazine, and the article tells a heartwarming story about the time he burned the living hell out of his junk:

Channing Tatum’s penis is gross. It looks like a hot dog that’s been left too long on the grill. The tip is hot-pink, singed, and shriveled. It appears angry. And it’s painful to view. My penis hurts just from looking at it. Movie stars tend to be vain, by nature and profession, but Chan—that’s what everyone calls him—does not mind one bit showing me his sad, withered wiener.

Tatum has recently returned from Scotland, where he was filming a Roman battle epic called The Eagle of the Ninth, directed by Kevin Macdonald (The Last King of Scotland). The role is a familiar one: For the fourth time in his brief career, Tatum plays a soldier—this one from Rome’s legendary Ninth Legion. “It’s really a beautiful story of trust and honor and friendship,” he says. He nods thoughtfully, then lets out a laugh. “But I’ll never shoot a movie in Scotland again. Ever.”

Tatum was pretend-soldiering one raw, wet October day in the Scottish Highlands. The action required him to wade in ice-cold water, which, despite a high-tech wetsuit, could be withstood for only a few minutes. “The only way to keep warm was by pouring a mix of boiling water and river water down your suit. We were finally done shooting for the day, and one of the crew guys asks if I want to warm up before I go. I’m like, Nah, I’m good. And then I thought, Why not? Thing is, he’d forgotten to dilute the kettle water. So he poured scalding water down my suit. And I was trying to pull the suit away from my body to somehow get away from the boiling water, and the more I pulled the suit away, the lower the water went. It just went straight down and pretty much burned the skin off the head of my dick.”

“It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life,” he says, flipping through photos on his iPhone until he lands on a grainy snapshot of a scorched member. His scorched member. “I’m good . . . now,” he says with a grin. “Now my penis is fantastic! One hundred percent recovered. Put me back in the game, Coach.”

Tatum was rushed to the nearest hospital—an hour away. Before long, the ice pack he was applying to the burn lost its chill. “I said to the driver, who was ex-special-forces Marines, ‘You might have to knock me out, because I don’t know if I can take the pain. Just grab something and hit me on the back of my head.’” Morphine finally KO’d the agony, and a team of doctors salved and bandaged his wound. “I had five guys looking at my shriveled, burned penis,” he says proudly.

The full article (which you can read here) is pretty extensive and includes all sorts of things like Tatum’s upcoming role in Dear John with Amanda Seyfried, his weight gain between roles, his marriage to Jenna Dewan, his childhood stutter and severe depression caused by medication he took for ADD, his chronic shirtlessness and former career as a stripper.

In the January 2010 issue of Details magazine:

If you want to see a waste of a perfectly good naked woman, try on next month’s Details magazine for size. You’ll find American Idol runner-up and notorious flamer Adam Lambert doing his best hetero impression all over a beautiful naked female model inside. I just don’t get it. Adam Lambert is gay, and Details magazine is gay… it doesn’t make any sense. The only way a naked woman is going to appeal to that target demographic is if there’s an article about the sophisticated old world charm wainscoting adds to a room and a recipe for the perfect risotto al Barolo printed on her backside.

People are always asking me, “Hey, Abby — why has it been all ‘nipple’ this and ‘booby’ that around here lately?” And the answer is simple. It’s because according to Google statistics, that’s what 92% of people on the internet are trying to see. Pander to the masses, I always say! I also say, “I reject your reality and substitute my own” and “No griefing the Game Master!” Yeah, people don’t really like me all that much.

A Tom Brady bone for my ladies:

Miley Cyrus‘ 20-year old boyfriend Justin Gaston offers a little insight into the inner machinations of a male model’s mind in a positively riveting interview in next month’s Details magazine.

On who would play him in a movie:

“I think if Ashton Kutcher played me, like, he would be probably a funnier me. He’s a pretty funny guy. But I’m going to say Johnny Depp, just cause I really like Johnny Depp and we’re just going to be crazy, like. Like Johnny Depp’s going to play like an older me. He’s gonna be like me when I’m older. Cause he’s a really cool and he’s a great actor so then I’ll seem really cool.”

On who he would like to trade lives with:

“I’d like to be one of those lap dogs that just get petted all day. Cause they just have the best life. They wake up, they get fed and they have attention all the time. I like attention. I don’t like to be by myself, so I want to be one of those little dogs. Is that weird?”

Then he said, “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is” before adding, “You know, words can only hurt you if you try to read them. That’s why I don’t play their game.”

I always thought Emmy Rossum kinda looked like an albatross until I saw these pictures of her in next month’s issue of Details magazine. Boy, was I wrong. She looks nothing like a bird. She looks like she could be Eva Mendes’ slutty little sister or something. So, because I am humble enough to admit my mistakes, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Ms. Rossum for my avian comparison of late, and ask that she please allow me to extend my open invitation to wear her ass like a surgeon’s mask. It’s the least I could do, considering the circumstances.

PHOTO CREDIT: Matthias Vriens for DETAILS