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Los Angeles Premiere of 'The Guilt Trip'

After eight years of domestic disputes and drunk and disorderly charges, Diane Lane and Josh Brolin have decided to call it quits. According to Us Magazine:

“Diane Lane and Josh Brolin have decided to end their marriage,” reps for the couple [said in a statement]. The couple, who married in August 2004, parted ways a few months ago. They have no children together.

“It was a mutual decision. It is very amicable,” a source [revealed]. “It’s not ugly, it’s just over.”

Good for her. Josh Brolin is a narcissistic pig and she’s better off without him. And according to the bumper sticker I saw in the carpool line this morning, 2013 is the Year of the Cougar, baby!

In other news…

Ten reasons why every man should be more like Bill Murray. (Mandatory)

Julianne Hough’s ribcage better be plastered with double-sided tape, or I see a wardrobe malfunction in her future. (Huffington Post)

Mila Kunis is named the new face of Gemfields’ jewelery. (Daily Stab)

Now you know what Katherine Heigl will look like in 25 years. (Hollywood Rag)

Rihanna continues flaunting her dysfunctional relationship all over the interwebs. (Hollywood PQ)

Conan O’Brien gets an eyelash makeover from Snooki and JWoww. (Seriously? OMG)

Shia LeBeouf leaves the stage over “creative differences,” which is just theater speak for “he’s a giant douche.” (popbytes)

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The 81st Annual Academy Awards were last night, and as expected, “Slumdog Millionaire” cleaned house. Not literally, of course. It wasn’t a movie about Mexicans. Maybe what I should have said was “cleaned the Slurpee machine.” God knows I don’t want to come off sounding like some kind of racist. People Magazine says

Slumdog Millionaire racked up eight Academy Awards, including those for Best Picture and for its Director, Danny Boyle.

But it was not the underdog, The Wrestler star Mickey Rourke, who was named Best Actor. That Oscar category was won by Sean Penn, for Milk.

Kate Winslet was named Best Actress for her role… in The Reader. She confided to the audience in her acceptance speech that she first pretended to win an Oscar when she was 8 and looking in the bathroom mirror, holding a shampoo bottle. Only, Sunday night on the stage, she was holding a world-famous golden statuette. “Well,” she said, “it’s not a shampoo bottle now.”

The late Heath Ledger was named Best Supporting Actor for what presenter Kevin Kline called his “menacing, mercurial, droll and diabolical” role as the Joker in The Dark Knight. Penélope Cruz took the Best Supporting Actress in Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

[While nominated for 13 awards], The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [only]… ended up with three Oscars, for Art Direction, Makeup and Visual Effects.

I could keep going with this, or I could just read aloud the 1992′s census report while smearing Vick’s Vapo-Rub into your eyes. You’ll get the same feeling either way.

The night’s best-dressed below; for the complete list of winners click here.

Anne Hathaway:

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Amy Adams:

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Marion Cotillard:

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Penelope Cruz:

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Natalie Portman:

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Brad and Angelina:

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Honorable mentions Alicia Keys, Taj Henson, Diane Lane, Marissa Tomei and Robin Wright-Penn (just for the back):

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