Diora Baird’s spread in Maxim’s March 2011 issue clearly leaves the boundaries of reality far behind. Who does yardwork topless, or in a bikini and heels? Real women know that there’s nothing sexy about getting pelted by little bitty rocks kicked up by the weedwhacker, or have little gnats sticking to your lipstick while you’re mowing the lawn. Believe me, I know. My husband was drooling over these pictures, so I tried it out myself to get him to pay attention to me, and all I ended up with was a bunch of welts and little gnat corpses in my mouth. SO unrealistic.

Welt and gnat-free:

Diora Baird’s latest movie “Night of the Demons” went straight to DVD and she hasn’t starred in a real hit since 2006′s “Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” but I feel enough attention isn’t being paid to this talented thespian. Fortunately, this little spread in FHM makes a point to showcase just how endowed she really is. Don’t let those Philistines who saw “Hot Tub Time Machine” tell you any different!

Smoking might be cool, but malignant neoplasm can really salt a guy’s game. Just ask Michael Douglas and my uncle with the trach. Us Magazine says:

Michael Douglas is prepping for eight weeks of chemotherapy and radiation to battle a tumor discovered in his throat.

The Oscar-winner, 65, is expected to make a full recovery. “I am very optimistic,” Douglas tells Us in a statement.

Well, cancer’s kind of a “downer,” so I found these screen caps from the new “Night of the Demons” remake trailer that had Diora Baird’s boobs in them. It’s like I always say — “E-cups are the best medicine!” That’s E-cups, not laughter. Any jerk-off can be funny. Except in my case.

NSFW:

The Google tells me that Diora Baird plays one of those green-skinned alien chicks in the unbelievably moronic looking new Star Trek movie from J.J. Abrams.  My sixth sense tells me that you guys will probably be much more interested in her apperance in the June ’09 issue of FHM.