Bring out them hankies, folks, because your favorite show you love to hate will be put down–hopefully, with a shotgun behind the barn. People reports,

Jon & Kate Plus 8, which in recent months had become just about as fun as reliving your parents’ divorce, will stop filming new episodes next month, according to the New York Post.

After Jon Gosselin, 32, forbade TLC from filming his and 34-year-old estranged wife Kate’s eight children for their show, the network will try to squeeze out a couple remaining episodes from existing footage before putting the show to rest, according to sources.

Kate, who’s previously said she relies on the show for her income, and who says the kids have been crying since the film crews left, hasn’t commented. Neither has Jon, who said he put the kibosh on the show because had an epiphany about the harm the show was causing the family – and not because he’d been axed from a future version of the show to be called Kate Plus 8.

It’s not clear whether TLC would restart the show should Jon change his mind about filming the kids.

The kids have been crying since they film crews left? This is one seriously ass-backwards family. Maybe they’re crying because Mommy Dearest is beating her little moneymakers now that they’re not supporting her anymore. Well, there’s always the sweatshops they can work at in downtown Los Angeles.

Kate Gosselin has gone on the offensive after her soon-to-be ex-husband Jon secretly withdrew $230,000 from their joint bank account, violating their arbitrator’s rule and leaving Kate with only $1,000 to her name just one week after he shut down production of their only source of income, “Jon and Kate Plus Eight.” She told the Today Show this morning:

“When you’ve left your children and their mother without the funds to pay for the roof over their head, it’s not acceptable. I need that money to provide for them. We were in the position after our sextuplets were born that we could not pay our bills. We did the show to provide a better life for them. Never did I think I’d be back in the same position. I have a stack of bills in my purse I can’t put in the mail.”

Kate says Jon, 32, has emptied their joint account – the one she uses to pay the bills and she says “contains all of our liquid money” – of all but $1,000 of the $231,000 that was in there, beginning on Aug. 10 and ending on Sept. 29.”

Under the rules of an arbitrator, neither spouse could take money from the account, but Kate, as the primary bill payer, could use it to pay bills provided she gave proof of her expenses.

With $230,000, you could upholster your entire bachelor pad with Ed Hardy prints and fill your whole swimming pool with 750,000 gallons of Axe deodorant body spray. That’s more than enough fabric for a rudimentary noose and plenty of douchewater in which to drown yourself. It’d be a real shame if he let all that perfectly good money go to waste.

Wasting some of his ill-gotten gains at the Ivy this weekend:

PHOTO CREDIT: Pacific Coast News Online

And now for some news nobody cares about: actress Emmy Rossum and Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst are getting divorced. But not from each other. That would be too interesting. Us Weekly says

Two months after it was discovered that Emmy Rossum had been secretly married, her husband is filing for divorce.

Justin Siegel, a music producer… is seeking spousal support and requests that Rossum pay all divorce costs.

Us Weekly continues:

Three months after Fred Durst wed girlfriend Esther Nazarov in Las Vegas, the newlyweds have decided to split.

“For those of you inquiring I will confirm that Esther and I have decided to go our separate ways and we both thank you for your support,” the Limp Bizkit frontman, 39, Twittered on Monday. “Thank you all SO much for your concern and extremely kind words. Sincerely. We remain very positive and wish only the best for each other.”

Well, there’s five minutes of your life you’ll never get back. If it’s any consolation, it still lasted longer than Fred Durst’s marriage.

After three years of marriage, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are officially separating at their respective douchenozzles. Us Weekly says

“She dumped him and told him she was leaving him. She wants to move on,” a source [says] adding that Lavigne, 25, forced him out of their $9.5 million [Bel Air] estate. “Divorce papers will be filed any day now.”

Whibley, 29, “is crushed,” adds another insider.

It’s not exactly shocking when two poser douchebags’ sham of a marriage dissolves like so many mushy turds on the follow-up flush. And speaking of turds, I’d like to take this opportunity to state that I’ve had farts with more dimension and depth than any of Avril’s crappy songs. Arista might really want to look into my asshole. It might be the next Sk8r Boi sensation!

UPDATE: Avril just confirmed the split on her website.

Promoting her Abbey Dawn line:

It’s been one week since their divorce was finalized, so of course Amy Winehouse and ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil are now secretly dating again. The two met up at a bar (surprise, surprise) on Friday before Blake burrowed his way through the back window of her home the next day. The News of the World says

The singer later decided to ask Blake back to her place - but had to sneak him past her security first.

“Amy has two full-time security men at her house,” said the friend. “They were under strict instruction not to let Blake in. But Amy wasn’t having any of it, so she got him in through a back window so they could have some private time together.

Blake spent part of the night in… Amy’s bedroom. She’s being very secretive about it but we know he was there.”

The pal added: “He wants to be with her, he’s in love with her, he’s convinced they’re still meant to be together. Despite everything she’s said about him over the last couple of weeks, deep down she feels the same way.”

Oh, it’s just like Romeo and Juliet, isn’t it? If “Romeo” meant “dog” and “Juliet” meant “to its own vomit.” Someone should really bust out the iambic pentameter and write a play about it.

Amy headed to — where else? — court last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

After only six months of marriage, Fergie and husband Josh Duhamel are reportedly on the rocks. Nine MSN says

The tanned pair “are clashing night and day, and they’re desperately trying to get a handle on their problems,” [said] a friend.

“Apparently Josh wants to start a family, but Fergie’s not ready to give up her rock n’ roll lifestyle.”

Hmm… “rock ‘n roll lifestyle” must actually be code for “wiener.” And from what I remember from health class, it’s hard to make a baby with four testicles between the two of you. I’m pretty sure you need a fallopian tube or an ovum somewhere in the mix.

Doing a shoot with the Black-Eyed Peas:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Less than a year after they wed in secret, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds might already be headed for splitsville. According to Fox News

[The couple has been overheard arguing frequently]… the most heated occurred last week, as they were about to depart for San Diego’s Comic Con sci-fi convention [where Scarlett was to] discuss her new role as Black Widow in “Iron Man 2″ and Ryan [his lead role] in [Warner Brothers] “Green Lantern.” An insider [says] “they got in a huge fight just before they were going to Comic Con. It caused such a rift between them that Ryan refused to attend the conference and he told Scarlett she could go alone. She got so angry she threatened to take off her wedding band.”

The conference continued as normal, with a notably absent Ryan missing from the Warner Brothers panel. The company had planned on debuting major plans for the new superhero movie, and now [the] insider says Ryan has “angered the executives.”

I don’t know what to think here. Are they suggesting that living on different coasts for nine months of the year and pretending to be in love with someone else 17 hours a day for those nine months of year isn’t good for a fledgling marriage? Well, you know what they say — love is patient, love is kind, love does not steal your fucking thunder at a press junket. Amen.

Looking foxy as hell at Comic-Con:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News

After 12 years of marriage and three children together, Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker have gone their separate ways. Nine MSN says

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are reportedly living in separate houses - right after they welcomed twin babies into their family via a surrogate.

SJP is rumoured to be the one moving out of their New York pad, after reportedly purchasing a nine-bedroom home in Brooklyn.

Now I know why Prince Charming is never a closeted gay and the damsel in distress is a never an American Saddlebred in classic fairytales. It just doesn’t work!

Eddie Cibrian’s wife Brandi Glanville has left him after discovering he had been meeting with former mistress LeAnn Rimes on the sly at a friend’s house. According to Us Magazine

“Eddie and I have decided to take some time apart,” says Glanville, 36. “I want to do what is best for our children [Mason, 6, and Jake, 2]. Eddie and LeAnn [Rimes] deserve each other.”

The final straw came after Cibrian and Rimes, 26, were caught again together in the early afternoon of July 17 — four months after the news of their affair [first broke] — outside the Malibu home of Jeff Berger, a longtime friend of the singer. (News of Cibrian having another affair — with 24-year-old model Scheana Marie Jancan — also broke earlier this same month.)

Sources tell us that Rimes’ pal Berger has been facilitating similar meetings at his home for about a month and that Rimes and Cibrian also made use of a rental house on L.A.’s west side.

How do you expect a man to say no to a rack like LeAnn’s? At least not without looking down or sideways, anyway? The trajectory of those nipples would make it damn near impossible. I doubt he even had a choice in the matter.

LeAnn in L.A.:

Jon and Kate Gosselin announced on their hit TLC reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ yesterday that they are “separating.” Didn’t see that one coming, did ya? Us Weekly says

“Kate and I have decided to separate,” Jon announced, calling Monday’s episode his “hardest” show ever. “It’s just not good for us to be arguing in front of our kids.”

Jon said he doesn’t know if he’ll remain on the show.

But Kate said, “The show must go on. I will continue to be here, be with the kids, do the same things I’ve always done with them.”

Let me get this straight here… you’re saying that inviting a camera crew and a legion of television producers into your home is NOT good for your marriage? Jesus H. Christ! What, I suppose “including the neighbors in group sex sessions” and “beating your significant other with a shoe horn” aren’t good for family cohesiveness, either? My God. It’s like I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

“Jon & Kate Plus 8’s” Jon and Kate Gosselin have informed the public that they will be announcing a “life-changing decision” on the June 22nd episode of their show. MSNBC says

Many assume the couple will announce they’re getting a divorce. A source close to the situation says that Kate recently met with a divorce lawyer and Jon will file papers next week.

According to other sources who know the couple, [it's only a trial separation]. “They’ve met with a lawyer, but divorce is not a definite,” says the source. “Right now, it’s in the best interest to them — and let’s be honest, the show — to ride out a separation.”

No one likes to hear the words “life-changing decision,” but really, it could mean so many different things. I know the time mom and dad sat me down and told me my life was about to change, it had nothing to do with divorce. It was more of a “Dad’s decided he’s going to live the rest of his life as a woman” kind of thing. I guess we’ll just have to wait until Monday and see.

Oscar winning actor Morgan Freeman’s divorce from his wife of 25 years just got really ugly — accusations that he indulged in a decade-long affair with his own step-granddaughter are raising some serious eyebrows. The National Enquirer says

E’Dena Hines is the granddaughter of Morgan’s first wife, Jeanette Adair Bradshaw, and was raised by Morgan and Myrna “since she was a little girl.”

The relationship between the 72-year-old actor [and his 27-year old] step-granddaughter began when she was a teen.

“[When E'Dena] was a teenager, she and Morgan went to dinner at a friend’s house one evening. Both had been drinking, and when they returned home, Morgan attempted to have sex with her. They stopped just short of having intercourse,” the source, a close family insider [said].

Unbeknownst to [his wife], the relationship continued for years. E’Dena has also been Morgan’s escort to several public events.

“Nobody thought anything of it, because she would be introduced as his ‘granddaughter.’ It’s not technically incest, because they are not related by blood…[but] Morgan is trying desperately to keep his divorce out of open court so all the shameful facts won’t become public.”

The great thing about incest is that it virtually eliminates that awkward “getting to know you” phase. Plus, if either one of you ever needs a kidney, chances are good that you’ve already got a match. That’s what you call a win-win, baby!

E’Dena at the Dark Knight premiere with Grampy Mo: