Meet Kim Kardashian’s Sketchers spokesmodel replacement: a French bulldog in tiny sneakers. Sweaty spoiled Armenians with big fakes asses must not resonate with consumers like they used to. USA Today says:

The move [to replace Kardashian] comes about two months after she filed for a divorce from basketball star Kris Humphries, but Skechers executives insist that negative PR following the divorce filing has nothing to do with their decision.

“Kim got us more attention than we ever dreamed,” says Leonard Armato, president of Skechers Fitness. “But we have to establish Skechers as more than a lifestyle company.”

In the spot, the tiny dog — bedecked in Skechers’ new GOrun shoes — races a pack of greyhounds.

That’s a real one-eighty — from a commercial starring someone who likes getting peed on to a commercial starring someone who likes to pee on things. It’s your classic role reversal. Subtle AND clever. I like it, Skechers!

Her Skechers Super Bowl commercial:

When Bradley Cooper was a little boy, he dreamed of becoming a plumber.  Tragically, he was forced to grow up and face the cold, hard reality of being a world famous actor, and now a little bit of plumber’s crack is all he has left of his abandoned childhood fantasies.  It’s sad how dreams die.

Taking his dog for a walk and then crating him up at girlfriend Renee Zellwegger’s house:

Since today has thus far been just as boring as yesterday, here are some time killing pictures of hot mess Mickey Rourke being all affectionate and charming with his so-homely-it’s-cute dog, “Jaws”.  Because fuzzy animals cure boredom.  It’s true.

That’s some bad hat, Harry:

Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to hospital yesterday after “being mauled by his own clinically depressed pet dog.” No, not this thing. That’s a Bull Mastiff. This. The eight pound hamster with the bow on its head. The Daily Mail

The 76-year-old statesman was savaged by his white Maltese dog – which suffers from frenzied fits and is being treated with anti-depressants. The animal, named Sumo, had become increasingly violent over the past years and was prone to making ‘vicious, unprovoked attacks’, Chirac’s wife Bernadette said.

Jesus, no wonder France gets its ass handed to it on a regular basis. The only way this story could be any gayer is if it suddenly started menstruating and asked you if those pants made its butt look big.

The only known antidote to this kind of gayness, Alessandra Ambrosio: