It looks like raging hateration just isn’t as rewarding as it used to be — Miss California Carrie Prejean got fired.  From TMZ:

We‘ve learned “biblically correct” Carrie Prejean will lose her Miss California USA crown today because she doesn’t play well with others.

Sources connected with the pageant tell us even Donald Trump has now had it with Carrie, because she’s violating her contract by not getting clearance to do her extracurricular stuff.

We’re also told Carrie has been a no-show for appearances she was supposed to make for the pageant organization.Trump told us Carrie refused to appear at around 30 events on behalf of Miss California USA. He says Prejean was contractually bound to appear and she just wouldn’t do it. He doesn’t think her attitude has anything to do with her politics.

Trump said: “To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else — she treated like s**t.”

Donald Trump is one of the biggest famewhores alive and would probably auction off his own children to a traveling circus if it garnered him any more attention or money, so this dumb bitch must’ve been unfathomably heinous to actually grate on his last nerve and make him get rid of her.  I mean really, just HOW BADLY do you have to treat people for Donald fucking Trump to call you out on your jackassy behaviour?

Don’t feel too sorry for ol’ Carrie, though.  She could probably get a job as a social secretary, maybe organising Klan rallies or some such thing.

Look out Britney and Jamie Lynn — there’s a new white trash queen in Louisiana! And she even had the crown to prove it. Until yesterday, that is. Miss Teen Louisiana 2008 Lindsey Evans has been stripped of her title after being arrested for theft and possession of marijuana. That Donald Trump sure knows how to pick ‘em. TMZ says

Evans was arrested this weekend after she and a group of friends allegedly tried to dine-and-dash over a $46.07 bill. Problem — the pageant queen left her purse at the scene of the crime. She went back to retrieve it, and was busted when cops found pot in the purse.

A key element of the dine ‘n dash is not leaving your identification at the scene. See, this is why your average pot-smoker is never a mastermind jewel thief or bank robber. It’s hard enough to remember where you put your keys after a few bong hits. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been driving high down a street within a five-mile radius from the house where I’ve lived for ten years and suddenly panicked because nothing looks familiar and I’m not sure if I’m going the right direction and oh, God, did I miss my exit five miles back? Seriously, this is a weekly occurrence for me. You get a couple of stoners to try to orchestrate a dine ‘n dash and you’ll end up with two stacks of cash on the table that both amount to the total bill plus tip, one guy’s smelly old coat, four lighters, a half a pack of Camel Lights and a fully loaded pipe inside somebody’s purse. Really, they’re the best customers a waiter could have.

The internet was ablaze with rumors yesterday that Donald Trump left some schmuck a ten thousand dollar tip while dining at a Santa Monca restaurant. I, not being a fucking retard, knew it was obviously fake and didn’t bother to report it. That’s because my sharp eye and journalistic savvy give me investigative super powers akin to Jayson Blair’s. I’m a regular harbinger of truth! Page Six says

Donald Trump might be generous, but he didn’t tip a Santa Monica waiter $10,000 on Monday. The tycoon says he wasn’t even in California. Derober.com published a copy of a MasterCard receipt showing that Trump tipped $10,000 on an $82.27 bill after dining at the Buffalo Club, but Trump told Page Six “This was done by the stupid restaurant to get publicity… it’s not my signature.” The Web site not only ran an interview with waiter Billy D. but also posted a video of the supposed server walking to his car.

Of course he didn’t. Just like he didn’t use a twenty to light his cigar or wipe his ass with a fistful of loose change. It’s messy and unsightly. Not to mention that you can’t even write that shit off on your taxes. And I mean that literally. Nobody at the IRS will touch your return if it’s flanked with feces. That goes double if the feces are stubbled with the coins you tried to wipe with in the first place. This is precisely why it’s never a good idea to let the homeless file your taxes. A good rule of thumb is if you’re paying in gin, he’s probably not a real CPA. That’s one mistake I won’t be making come April 15th. A lesson lived is a lesson learned, my friends!

Donald Trump launched his very own brand of vodka with a party Wednesday night, and plenty of douchebag pseudo-celebrities showed up to get hammered Russian-style. Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, seen above, came dressed as clowns. Anyway, the new Trump Vodka is created by a team of third-generation master distillers and — naturally — is ridiculously overpriced. Gawker quoted the Donald describing his new product:

Trump Super Premium Vodka is a big idea. The Premium Vodka category is where the very best of fashionable spirits brands compete. That is the place for the Trump brand. By the summer of 06, I fully expect the most called for cocktail in America to be the T&T or the Trump and Tonic .

I bet that Trump Vodka tastes like ego and hairspray. With plum and cinnamon accents and an overbearing-pompous-ass finish.

More of no-name celebrity types at the launch party after the jump.

(more…)