Even though she was too sad about her failed marriage to show up, Katy Perry was still the big winner at the 38th annual People’s Choice Awards last night. It still doesn’t explain why Demi Lovato’s wearing a lounge singer’s bejeweled quinceanera dress, but we’ll get to that in a minute. People Magazine says:

Perry was honored in five categories, as favorite female artist, tour headliner and for song of the year for “ET” with Kanye West, music video for “Last Friday Night” and TV guest star for How I Met Your Mother.

Among the other winners in the 43 categories, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2 took four awards – favorite movie, action movie, book adaptation and ensemble movie cast, although no stars from the film attended.

Other honorees included Ellen DeGeneres, Lea Michele and Demi Lovato, as well as favorite movie actress and actor Emma Stone and Johnny Depp.

I’m glad to see the tailor outside Castle Greyskull is still cranking out those built-in-breast-plate dresses so popular with the ladies on Eternia. This is why She-Ra’s dumpy overweight sister never made it into the cartoon.

For a complete list of winners, click here:

Nina Dobrev:

Lea Michele:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I didn’t watch the ACMA’s last night and neither did you, so don’t try to lie and say you did. I know you better than that. Honestly, aren’t we kinda past all that shit now? You don’t have to try and impress me anymore. Just like I don’t have to try to impress you. So in the spirit of our newfound honesty and openness: Brooklyn Decker Julianne Hough boobs. Also, I’m not sucking in.

Brooklyn:

Julianne:

There were lots of celebrities doing the red carpet thing at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Like “Twilight’s” Ashley Greene, who looked fantastic. She’s like some kind of sexy present in that dress. And speaking of sexy presents, my birthday is coming up, soooo… if any of you were wondering, this is exactly what I want. But I want the one with the real kung-fu grip. And also any cowgirl/sexy nurse accessories she might come with.

TONS more red carpet pics after the jump:

Katy Perry:

Ke$ha:

Lady Gaga:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures, Bauer-Griffin Online

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I was too busy getting drunk last night to actually watch the Emmy Awards, but I do know that Christina Hendrick’s boobs were there (as evidenced above). I was going to Tivo it, but then it turned out I don’t have Tivo, only a VCR, and I’ll be damned if I’m taping over World’s Funniest Sports Bloopers 7. If I want to watch a bunch of stupid twats congratulate each other on their awesomeness, I’ll wait for my brother to have another kid. Besides, nobody gets pegged with a baseball in the crotch at the Emmy’s. No matter how much they might have deserved it.

And speaking of deserving peoples, People Magazine says:

Mad Men won the outstanding drama series for the third consecutive year on Sunday night, while Modern Family was named outstanding comedy series. Glee, collected an award for director Ryan Murphy and Jane Lynch, who won outstanding supporting actress in a comedy for her role as the scheming Sue Sylvester.

You can check out the complete list of winners here, and you can check out the night’s best-dressed winners below (and more after the jump). I usually hate ruffles with a passion, but Lea Michelle’s dress was my favorite of the night. She looked like a sexy flamenco dancer, which sounds terrible but somehow worked, probably through gypsy magic. Jayma Mays was my other surprise favorite of the evening, and I say “surprise” because with a name like that, I fully expected her to be black. Who knew?

Lots more best-dressed goodness after the jump, and yes, I included January Jones even though everyone else hated her dress — I guess it kind of grew on me, like a tumor:

Lea Michelle:

Jayma Mays:

Claire Danes:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures, Bauer-Griffin Online

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Hi guys, it’s Sonya again for today, but Abby will be back tomorrow. The MTV Movie Awards were last night, but if you’re like me, I refuse to watch an award show where New Moon wins anything besides a steaming pile of crap. So, the big news was that Sandra Bullock kissed Scarlett Johansson, Mark Wahlberg humped Will Ferrell as they were suspended in harnesses, and Tom Cruise reprised his Les Grossman role from Tropic Thunder while dancing with Beyonce. It’s kind of nice to see him taking himself a little less seriously, but he’s still a creepy midget nutjob, and his “funny” falls kind of flat.  But all I really care about is what everyone was wearing, so down with Xenu and let’s check out the clothes.

100 crows had to die for Christina Aguilera to look this good bad:

Jessica Biel got a few of her leftovers:

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This is the most boring day in the history of the universe, so how about a couple of fatass strippers on the red carpet in Cannes to warm your cockles? Oh, you will take it and you will like it. I’m serious. Don’t make me turn this car around. Page Six says

American burlesque queens upstaged the more demurely dressed stars at the Cannes Film Festival this week. Mimi Le Meaux, Dirty Martini, Roky Roulette and Kitten on the Keys star in “The Tour” and took to the red carpet on the French Riviera.

Their film was the first of 19 to debut in competition for the Palme D’Or, the festival’s top prize.

All I can say is Mimi Le Meaux is the best name I’ve ever heard in my life. I’m totally gonna buy a cat just so I can name her that. Muffy St. Clair and CoCo DuBois can suck it.

Kate Beckinsale in Cannes at the Robin Hood premiere on Wednesday (Eva Longoria and Russell Crowe after the jump):

Cate Blanchett:

Salma Hayek:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

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Those people at Vogue Russia are some wacky people. Here they’ve thrown a mishmash of boxing gear, evening dresses, weird man-girdle things together with Alessandra Ambrosio and some awfully fey men who are trying their best to look interested in her and not each other.  I’d love to hear the Russian photographer’s coaching for this one:

” Yes, look like you are sexy boxer-lady, but also at same time, fairy princess.”

“No, I need girdle to be tighter, so man-package is more, “hello, here I am”.

“Vat do you mean, ‘Vy does Sasha get to wear studded headgear?’  Shut up and vet your lips, Ivan.”

Hi guys, it’s Sonya today. Did you know that nipples can stick to ice? It’s true. Just ask Abby when she gets back.

So, the Grammys happened last night, and like the dedicated blogger that I am, I didn’t watch them. I don’t really care who gets what, because it’s all a bunch of crap anyway. They never mention my favorite group, Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters, so I don’t bother. I am interested in what everyone wore, so here we go:

Taylor Swift’s dress fits kind of weird, I think.

Rihanna chose to let her dress do the choking

During a lapse in security, crazy lady Phoebe Price slipped in, as did super-classy Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Pink didn’t need to sneak in, she just snarled at security

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The Annual Costume Institute Gala celebrating ‘The Model As Muse: Embodying Fashion’ was last night, and as there are always are in large gatherings of pretentious asswipes who believe themselves to be on the very cusp avant-garde fashion, plenty of epic FAILS (see above).

Taking the stink cake was Madonna, with her recycled like Like a Virgin look made especially crappy with the addition of thigh-high patent leather boots apparently shanghaied from the set of Pretty Woman:

Next on the shit list, Leighton Meester, who is reportedly on a show on the CW and not a vintage member of the cast of the highly-acclaimed but short-lived “Designing Women on Acid” series (although I have yet to actually confirm this):

And last, but very not least, is the incorrigible Rihanna, who looks like a maître d’ cyborg killer/androgynous Barbie bridesman.