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Newly-brunette Reese Witherspoon and her husband were arrested early Friday morning in Atlanta after he failed a field sobriety test and she got slappy with the arresting officer. And they say blondes have more fun! According to Us Magazine:

The couple was pulled after midnight on Friday, April 19, when an officer noticed their silver 2013 Ford Fusion weaving into the lane for opposing traffic on Peachtree Road in Atlanta

“Mrs. Witherspoon began to hang out the window and say that she did not believe that I was a real police officer,” the police report states. “I told Mrs. Witherspoon to sit on her butt and be quiet.”

The actress reportedly continued to spar with the arresting officer once Toth was in handcuffs, despite her husband’s attempts to calm her down. [According to the report], “Mrs. Witherspoon asked, ‘Do you know my name? I answered, ‘No, I don’t need to know your name.’ Mrs. Witherspoon stated, ‘You’re about to find out who I am.’”

The report further explains that Witherspoon resisted when the officer grabbed her arms to put her in handcuffs.

Well, this is certainly a huge embarrassment. A Ford Fusion? I couldn’t believe it, either!

So… is Reese better as a bubblegum blonde, or a slap-happy brunette? I think you already know my answer. Decide for yourself (and see which other stars look better brunette!) in the gallery above.

News

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Yes. Best mug shot ever. A lawsuit was filed yesterday against Cleveland Browns star Desmond Bryant after he attempted to break into a neighbor’s house because he was so drunk he didn’t remember where he lived. The Mail Online says:

Bryant told police that he thought he was at his home when a taxi dropped him off after a night of drinking in Miami in the early morning hours of February 24.

But it wasn’t his house. It was the home of Isaac Bakar, a 43-year-old contractor who thought the massive athlete was there to rob the place.

Mr Bakar struggled to hold the door to keep the 6’6″ and 311-pound defensive lineman from entering while his wife called 911.

The Bakars charge that Bryant tried to break down the door, and even ripped off a door handle.

The paper reported that Bryant was still furiously punching at the door when cops arrived.

That must have been absolutely horrifying. Just imagine what it would be like to hear a noise at your door in the middle of the night and look out the peephole and that’s the face that’s screaming back at you in a blind rage. He’s Lenny from Of Mice and Men in the body of The Gimp from Pulp Fiction combined with the power of whiskey. That’s a pretty terrifying combination of IQ points, alcohol and brute strength.

News

If you need inspiration for some New Year’s resolutions to quit smoking/drinking/doing drugs, these pictures of Lindsay Lohan in London should do the trick. She’s only 26 years old, but her steady diet of cigarettes, Stolichnaya and sweet lady caine has aged her a good twenty years. Her hairline is starting to recede and the bloat’s completely taken over. It’s like a celebrity version of The Faces of Meth, but with more eyebrows.

The only thing to like in the above picture is Lindsay’s handbag, which is fantastic. You can get your own (very reasonably priced!) pink ostrich-skin bag from DKNY, or if ostrich isn’t really your thing, you could try this (not so reasonably priced!) Balenciaga bag in pink suede instead. I can’t make the decision for you.

In the wake of filing for divorce from husband of 34 years Joe Simpson after it was revealed he’d engaged in multiple gay affairs, Jessica Simpson’s mother Tina has found a man of her own. A friend of mine named Jose Cuervo. Radar Online says:

The Simpson matriarch… [has] turned to hard liquor, and insiders report that her self-medicating with booze has her daughters so concerned that they are now urging her to seek treatment.

“Tina is hitting the bottle to ease her sorrows over her marital problems, she’s built up quite a tolerance and has switched from wine to stuff like scotch and vodka,” a source tells Star. “Jess is just a mess over this, she feels helpless and doesn’t know what to do.”

The people at E! True Hollywood Story must be shitting themselves over this. Daddy’s a closeted gay minister, mommy’s a drunk, the younger sister is a failure forced to live the older sister’s shadow, and the older sister has emotional eating issues and another bastard child on the way. It reads something straight out “Corazón Prohibido” on the Mexican channel.

Jessica’s wearing a Roberto Cavalli animal print sweater dress (click here and here for more Cavalli animal print dresses, or here for a silk version from Dolce & Gabbana).

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31-year-old Christina Aguilera got shit-faced at the Samsung Galaxy Note II launch party last month and tried to convince Disney starlet Vanessa Hudgens to come home with her and boyfriend Matt Rutler for a night of erotic delights. Or possibly a night of eating frosting straight from the can. I don’t know, I wasn’t there. Radar Online says:

The fellow reveler said Aguilera looked like “a hot mess in black stretch pants and wrinkled white T-shirt. There were vodka bottles strewn all over her table… eventually Matt looked like he had taken on the role of babysitter.”

“She spent a lot of time on the dance floor gyrating next to Vanessa… the more Christina drank, the more her kinky side seemed to come out.”

But Hudgens refused to go home with Aguilera and her boyfriend of two years.

“Out of the blue [Christina] stumbled over to Vanessa and begged her to come back home with her and Matt!” the partygoer [said]. “Vanessa was taken aback but smiled and politely declined the offer.”

Nothing reinforces a relationship like twenty extra pounds, unchecked substance abuse and inviting a third person into the bedroom. In fact, in some circles, it’s actually referred to as “The Marriage Saving Trifecta.” I’m pretty sure Dr. Phil did a show about it.

Since I don’t have any way to gouge out your mind’s eye, I thought more pics from the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last night might help. You can play Angel with this gorgeous bra from Roberto Cavalli (or if you could use the padding, this bra from Mimi Holliday by Damarius is plenty sexy, too).

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