Bikini Girl Katrina Darrell is telling anyone who will listen that judge Kara DioGuardi humiliated herself during their bikini-off on Wednesday’s American Idol finale. Us Weekly quotes her as saying

“I don’t think [DioGuardi] got the reaction she was hoping for. I think she probably thought I would cry or get mad, and I didn’t — I played it off. She just made herself look stupid. She didn’t make me look stupid. I did really well considering all that I went through.

[Kara] said [to me], ‘Oh sweetie, I hope you didn’t take anything personally.’ I rolled my eyes, and my sister said, ‘Hey, next time you try to upstage my sister, get a spray tan! How old are you? 45 or 50? I looked back and shrugged. She kind of said what I was thinking!”

Bikini Girl clearly did her own highlights with a box of Frost ‘n Glow and put on a solid fifteen pounds (before pic here) of belly fat (compare to Kara’s perfectly toned stomach here), so I can see why she might get a little defensive. Or, you know, play defensive end for the Lions next season. At the rate she’s going, she’ll be pushing triple digits by 2010 easy.

Auditory diarrhea is not just something you can hear in the bathroom stall of your local Denny’s anymore, it’s something that you can experience in full digital, surround-sound glory! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, you can now experience tympanic esctasy when you listen to Paris Hilton and Benji Madden’s upcoming duet! Not satisfied to just create the colonic blowout that was her first album, Paris Hilton is in plans to enter the studio with main squeeze Benji Madden. The Mirror reports,

The heiress has already been writing about her new album on her official blog, but now she’s confirmed that her other half is to make a cameo on it.

Talking to top Los Angeles-based showbiz website Hollyscoop, Paris said: “Well, actually I have a studio at the house. He [Benji] actually helped me write some of the songs for my new album, and for the BFF show (her new UK reality show for MTV). He’s a really amazing talent, songwriter and singer.”

On asked whether they would duet, Ms Hilton said: “Yes, definitely. When the show comes out.”

One thing is for certain, it’s sure to go down the anals annals of history as one of the best sycopated bowel movement of all time! Can’t you just smell the success?

Bigfoot and Benji out and about