Sarah Jessica Parker loves the smell of dirty diapers.

No, for realsies.  It says so in Us Weekly, and if you can’t trust Us Weekly, then… well actually, you totally can’t trust Us Weekly at all.  But Parker did say this:

“I love the smell of diapers,” she tells the December issue of Elle magazine.

Parker has been on double diaper duty after the arrival of her twin daughters Marion Loretta and Tabitha Hodge — who were delivered by a surrogate earlier this year — and she doesn’t mind at all.

“I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good,” the Sex and the City star, 44, says, adding that she even says she loves “the smell of Balmex,” a diaper rash cream.

Gross.  Like a baked good?  The hell kinda pastries does this woman eat?  Listen, the least disgusting thing that children ever smell of is drool, so this is basically like someone saying their favourite perfume is Eau de Merde.  Which… different strokes, I guess, but dayum.

In the December ‘09 issue of Elle Magazine:

Jennifer Aniston wants you to know that she’s okay with you pitying her as a desperate middle-aged divorcee who can’t keep a man. In fact, she embraces it. She told Elle magazine’s September issue:

“If I’m the emblem for ‘this is what it looks like to be the lonely girl getting on with her life,’ so be it. I’m not going to ignore the pink elephant in the living room. It’s fine. I can take it. I can make fun of myself. And I’ll bring it up as long as the world is bringing it up.”

Sorry, but “the world’s” not bringing it up. Jennifer Aniston’s bringing it up. In every last magazine interview she’s done for the past five years. Unless that vagina of hers suddenly develops retractable kung-fu grip, her chances of hanging on to a man for more than ten minutes are just about over.

Nippin’ out on the set of The Bounty:

Holy Moly was the first to break the story (see yesterday’s Quickies), but it’s been confirmed today that Lindsay Lohan is currently under investigation by Scotland Yard in connection with the disappearance of $400,000 worth of diamond jewelry from the set of a Elle magazine photoshoot. People Magazine says

[Lindsay was] the last one seen wearing… the Dior jewels.

Under investigation by Scotland Yard, the disappearance of a set of diamond earrings and a necklace was reported on June 8. The baubles were on loan for a June 6 magazine shoot.

“Everyone from the shoot is being questioned,” Lohan’s rep [says]. “Hair, make up, stylist … even photographers. Lindsay hopes they find the jewels. She is happy to cooperate.”

A police spokeswoman [says], “Westminster Police are investigating an allegation of theft of jewelry from studios in Brewery Road. Inquiries are continuing and no arrests have been made.”

A spokeswoman for Elle U.K. released a statement [saying],”Elle has no reason to believe that Lindsay Lohan was in any way responsible and has no further comment to make.”

Oh, come on. Next to penis, stealing is what Lindsay Lohan does best. Like that time she stole a fur coat from a night club. Or that other time she stole clothes from one of her friends. And that time she shanghaied a bunch of designer duds from the set of an Elle magazine photoshoot in 2007. The only way it’d be more obvious that it was Lindsay Lohan is if she started wearing a striped jumpsuit and carrying a canvas sack with dollar signs on the back.

The 2007 Elle magazine photoshoot where she was caught stealing the Louis Vuitton stuff (outtakes here):

Aside from her tendency to prattle on endlessly about how she’s a bisexual with the libido of a teenage boy who’s really just a geek at heart, Megan Fox actually has no discernible personality.  She’s basically what would happen if some mad scientist made a FrankenPorn Monster… except instead of using an abnormal brain, they just stuffed the skull cavity full of Spam and Vaseline.  Luckily for her, nobody gives a shit what may or may not be going on between her ears.

In the June ‘09 issue of Elle Magazine:

I know if I were Tom Brady, I’d sure as hell find a reason to sit out an entire season. I’d smash open my knee with a goddamn sledgehammer if it meant I got to stay home with the likes of Gisele Bundchen. Besides, I’m sure we’d manage to think of some way she could nurse me back to health. Literally.

In the February issue of Elle magazine:

Eva Mendes and Nicole Kidman both pose in separate issues of Elle magazine in the upcoming months, but Eva’s spread is far superior to Nicole’s. No question about it. Eva just oozes raw sensuality; Nicole is about as sexy as an elementary school music teacher with a neck goiter. Ask any guy. I guarantee they’ll agree with me. It’s the metaphorical equivalent of asking, “Hey, would you like me to give you a handjob, or should I just pour this here hot tar in your nostrils?” Case closed!