Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi finally made it official over the weekend. Their spokesperson told People Magazine

“Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi were married tonight in an intimate ceremony at their home in Los Angeles. DeGeneres, 50, and de Rossi, 35, both wore Zac Posen and exchanged rings by Neil Lane during the Saturday ceremony.

The intimate ceremony was attended by 19 guests who witnessed the couple exchange handwritten vows.”

I suppose the eternal love and together foreverness is alright, but once two lesbians are legally bound and cohabiting, they lose a lot of freedoms they for granted. Namely, the freedom to ask, “Your face or mine tonight?” I swear, that never gets old!

In the wake of the California Supreme Court overturning the state’s ban on gay marriage, talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has declared her intentions to wed longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi. TMZ reports

A spy in the audience of this afternoon’s taping of the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” tells us that after Ellen mentioned [yesterday's California Supreme Court ruling], she surprised everyone and announced that she was going to tie the knot with actress Portia de Rossi. Portia was in the crowd and after she made the announcement, the studio audience went wild, giving the two a huge standing O. The show will air tomorrow.

With the news of this ruling, Home Depot can now expect to dethrone Pottery Barn as the largest wedding registry in the state of California. You know how lesbians love power tools! And stereotypes! Don’t forget stereotypes!

It appears that daytime talk show host Ellen Degeneres has a long-standing history of adopting puppies and then giving them away. According to Page Six

Kerri Randles says she gave DeGeneres a male mutt named Stormy two years ago, only to find out less than two months later that fickle Ellen had re-gifted him to a member of her staff.”She may have had it for much less time than that. I only say two months because that’s when I called to check on the dog and found out she no longer had it,” Randles said. “I was totally shocked. I thought she was out of her mind.” DeGeneres may have passed along several other dogs over the years. Howard Stern said on his Sirius show that he’d heard she had done this nine times before.

But wait — there’s more!

Randles said DeGeneres seemed a perfect pet owner at first, but she quickly discovered the daytime TV hostess was “neurotic and crazy.” When Randles took Stormy to NBC studios to meet DeGeneres, she was “drilled” for four hours by the star, her assistants and the crew. DeGeneres finally decided to keep the dog for a few nights to see if he’d fit into her home. She suggested that Randles take the dressing room next door to “tell the dog privately that she’d be going home with Ellen.” “I told her I’d already had a talk with the dog. She didn’t get my jokes,” said Randles.

The dog didn’t get her jokes, or Ellen? Because, obviously, everyone knows dogs only like knock-knock jokes. Irony and sarcasm really aren’t their thing. Just like how lesbians only like wiener jokes and Asians only like jokes where you lisp and make the buck-teeth face. One thing they can all agree on? Leaving a big dump in the middle of the floor is freakin’ hysterical. I find lowest common denominator is pretty much the key to all successful comedy. Whoopie cushions and pies in the face are good, too, but I’m not really a prop comic per se. I’m more of a comedic purist. I’ll do my own farts, thank you very much! It’s kind of an integrity thing.

Here’s Ellen and Portia on the way to Merv Griffin’s funeral last month: