The most insignificant of all the movie award shows aired on MTV last night, complete with its usual fare of predictable hijinx and zany shenanigans. Like Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake grabbing each others’ naughty bits in a bid to prove that their relationship was strictly platonic (LOL!). Or Robert Pattinson mouth-kissing his Twilight co-star Taylor Lautner (OMG)! Or a celebrity mash-up Hangover parody with host Jason Sudeikis (ROTFLMAO)! The only part of the night that was even remotely funny was when Reese Witherspoon burned nekkid-picture-taker Blake Lively. The Daily Mail says:

During her acceptance speech, Reese addressed the industry’s younger actresses. ‘It’s possible to make it in Hollywood without a reality show,’ she said.

And in a surprising direct dig at Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively, she said: ‘And if you take naked pictures of yourself with your cell phone, you hide your face.’

In other less interesting news, the god-awful “Twilight: Eclipse” won Best Movie, Best Male Performance (Robert Pattinson), Best Female Performance (Kristen Stewart), Best Kiss (Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart), and Best Fight Scene (Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard and Xavier Samuel); some chick from the comparably shitty “Kick-Ass” took home Best Breakout Star and Biggest Badass Star; and last, but certainly not least, was Justin Bieber’s “Never Say Never,” which claimed Best Jaw-Dropping Moment. I assume that references the aghast disbelief that inevitably leaves one’s mouth agape when one finds out that “Never Say Never” grossed $73 million domestically and another $25 mil overseas. To put that in perspective, that’s more than the gross national product of Sao Tome and Principe and Somalia combined. Granted, the 7-11 down the street probably grosses more than Sao Tome and Principe and Somalia combined, but it’s really the principle of it all. That principle being, “This generation sucks donkey balls.”

LOTS more pics after the jump:

Brooklyn Decker:

Emma Stone:

Jessica Szohr:

Kristen Stewart:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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Following news that she’s taking a break from Brown University to “focus on work”, it was announced that Emma Watson is the new face of Lancome. Says E! Online,

“Thanks to her charm, romanticism and her incredible modernity, Emma Watson has become the icon of her generation. We are delighted by this new collaboration with Emma who brings a fresh spirit to Lancôme,” said company president Youcef Nabi in a statement today.

Who needs boring ol’ book-learnin’ when you can hawk over-priced makeup and get paid big bucks to do it? Nothing says “modernity” than tossing aside education in pursuit of more money than you know what to do with. It’s the new American dream.

Filming a new ad in Paris:

Photo source: Fame Pictures

These pictures of Courtney Love apparently off the blow (at least temporarily) are a great example of why you should avoid them in the first place. Would you rather look like this, or this? Would you rather look decent and nicely dressed or be caught with a gold ball between your legs? Yeah, I’d go with the gold ball too. What? Were you going to pick the other option?

At the Elle Style Awards with Emma Watson, Blake Lively and Thandie Newton:

Emma Watson is featured in the Burberry spring/summer 2010 ad campaign, and… meh.  I mean, Emma is a very pretty girl and I’m pleased she’s gone back to slightly darker hair (I didn’t like her as a blonde; it washed her out), but why so glum?  Her facial expressions here vary from “dead-eyed stare” to “halfhearted scowl” and I’m a little puzzled.  She doesn’t have jacked up teeth or anything, so what’s with the moratorium on smiling?

Ever wondered what Hermione Granger’s nipples would look like? Well, (NSFW) Boobicus Appearicus! A former boyfriend of Emma Watson claims to have taken the photo, but you can do a lot with PhotoShop these days, and I can’t vouch for its authenticity. But as Professor Dumbledore once said, “Boobies are boobies.” Erectus Weeniosa!

UPDATE: So it’s definitely a fake.

Because those bastard English are never happy unless they’re showing everyone else up, they also had an awards show last night.  It was the BAFTAs, and it was chock full of more interesting people in better clothes than the stupid losers at the Grammys.  Yay for red carpet round-ups (holy shit, I cannot wait for awards season to be over)!

Kate Winslet won yet another award, once again looked hot as hell doing it:

Brad’s still got that dumbass mustache, but Angelina didn’t wear a shapeless sack this time.  Her dress actually fit her and even had a sliver of colour!

Robert Downey, Jr. looked fantastic, and he was being so sweetly adorable with his wife that I think I got Diabetes just from looking at them:

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Harry Potter star Emma Watson will be replacing Keira Knightley as the new face of Chanel’s Coco Mademoiselle fragrance. According to Now Magazine

The 18-year-old actress has signed a rumored [$6 million], 2-year deal to be the face of the Chanel perfume.

When I was eighteen, I had an ’82 Peugot that broke down often enough for me to keep a ten-speed mounted to the trunk and a collection of limited edition Holiday Barbies still in their original boxes. Emma Watson is eighteen, and she has liquid assets totaling somewhere in the neighborhood of $15 million. But the real question is, does she have the spirited sense of adventure and the devil-may-care whimsy of my youth? Because there are some things that money just can’t buy. I’m kidding, of course. For $15 million, you could probably poop “spirited sense of adventure” and buy your own salvation. I’m pretty sure God takes American Express Black when the devil’s not looking.

In Parade magazine:

Attention all dorks, geeks, and/or virgins living in their mothers’ basements: Harry and Hermione might be dating! Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson spent Valentine’s Day in each other’s arms at The Imperial Arms in West London. Page Six quotes a source as saying:

“They arrived quite late at the pub and sat outside, using each other’s bodies for warmth. Throughout the night, he just kept giggling like a love-struck teen. They seemed totally absorbed in one another’s company… until just before closing time. They then left the pub, heads together and whispering, and headed in the direction of Daniel’s home nearby.”

Boy, that Hermione sure gets around. I thought she was supposed to be Ron’s Weasley’s girl. It’s only a matter of time before video of her tag-teaming Hagrid and a couple of randy centaurs in the Forbidden Forest hits the Wizarding Wireless Network and Warner Brothers drops her like a bad habit.

Emma: When I grow up, I want to snort lines and get wasted like Lindsay Lohan.
Her friends: We love you, Firecrotch!

Emma: Stop staring at my pink tights or I’ll shoot! I’m not legal, you perverts!
The Asian Girl: Back off or I shit on your face!

I won’t say anything bad about this picture of Emma Watson, aka Hermione in the Harry Potter movies, drinking a beer in front of the camera. Because when I was 15-year-old, I spent more time in rehab than in school because I was already drinking like a pirate. And I’m proud of it. I’d like to point out that it’s not because she’s drinking that she’s legal. So you perverts better back off and sing this song.