Actress Kristin Chenoweth collapsed Sunday night at the Emmy Awards shortly after winning Outstanding Supporting Actress for her role in “Pushing Daisies.” Page Six says
Chenoweth suffered a crippling migraine and had to lie down in the Lipton Lounge backstage after collecting her award. A source said, “People rushed to help Kristin, but once the paramedics had arrived, she said she was embarrassed.” Her rep says Chenoweth is “feeling better.”
I was all prepared to say her “migraine” was really the result of puking up every other meal and constant coke binges (what is she, 90 pounds?), but it turns out Kristin has a well-documented case of Ménière’s disease, an inner-ear disorder which can cause vertigo, nausea and crippling headaches. Everyone knows that legitimate medical conditions are not very interesting, and if there’s one thing my brief stint writing for the New York Times taught me, it’s that lying is awesome. And also that Republicans are the devil. Therefore, “Kristin Chenoweth is an anorexic meth addict on the verge of complete self-destruction, possibly voted for George Bush!” And you can quote me on that.
The 61st Annual Emmy Awards were last night, and instead of doing my standard best dressed and worst dressed posts, I’m going to try something different: being positive for a change. Yes, this year’s fashion review is going to take a page from the current politically correct climate in which nothing’s anyone’s fault and everybody who participates gets a gold star. Mediocrity is the new black! So, first up on my Best of the 2009 Emmys list is actress (?) Phoebe Price. Phoebe wins “Best Old Lady Beaver Flash” (closeup here). How’s that for a little “red carpet” action? Get it? Red carpet? Because she’s a redhead… and, you know… carpet and the drapes — oh, just forget it. I’m going to go ahead and give myself a gold star for that joke anyway. See, everybody wins!
The Emmy Awards happened last night. It was their 60th anniversary, so they decided to celebrate with the most boring show in the history of the universe, hosted by the shanty town of tool sheds pictured above. Okay, so Heidi Klum isn’t a complete tool shed, at least comparatively. She is, however, dressed like a lunatic. There’s some sort of inexplicable grandma shawl, and her earrings look like they’re attacking her face. I guess it’s fine though, since she only wore this getup for about fifteen minutes. I stopped keeping track of her wardrobe changes after the third or fourth time I fell asleep. I’ve seen class plays at elementary schools that were more entertaining than the Emmys.
Because I am a giver and I suffer for you, I watched the entire sideshow of somnolence and I can tell you that there were exactly three funny moments. Jesus, the show was boring. Josh Groban did this… I don’t even know, it was some kind of singing thing that felt like what would happen during a telethon in hell, and it lasted for about eleven and a half hours. I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. Oh look, Christina Hendricks is here to help!
