Not only is Sienna Miller reportedly pregnant with her first child, but word on the street is that she’s also engaged to long-time boyfriend Tom Sturridge. The Daily Mail says:

The 30-year-old actress, who has been dating actor Tom for just over a year, is believed to have broken the news to friends and family just before Christmas.

Her sister Savannah Miller tweeted today: ‘THRILLED.’

Life & Style magazine [is also] alleging that Tom proposed to Sienna in Paris over Christmas.

Babies and weddings are boring, so instead I thought we’d take a trip down memory lane. Remember that one time Sienna Miller was topless? Yeah… good times. And then there’s that one time she was topless and sucking face with a married man. And then she was topless on her balcony. And at the beach. And on a boat. And here, well, she’s just full-on naked. Reminiscing sure is fun!

Drew Barrymore signed up for her third try at marriage, but before you say, “Who the fuck cares?”…oh wait. There isn’t any reason you should care. But you can at least stick around as a simple courtesy to me. Says Celebrity Fix,

Drew Barrymore is reportedly engaged to her art consultant boyfriend, Will Kopelman.

According to US Weekly Will popped the question in Sun Valley, Idaho, over the holidays, with a source telling the mag: “He’s madly in love and knows she’s The One.”

Drew and Will have been (publicly) dating since February last year, and a ‘pal’ of Drew’s told US in October that the 36-year-old is “yearning to get married and have kids.

I thought for a moment that I should go to the doctor and get tested for narcolepsy, because I was in the middle of reading this article and then the next thing I realized, I woke up with my face in my bowl of cereal. The only reason I’m not going is because this gig doesn’t provide medical benefits, so I figured if I posted it, and then asked if you had a similar reaction, then I could figure out if it was just me or if the story is really boring enough to make you spontaneously pass out. Let’s compare notes, shall we?

In a photoshoot by Amanda de Cadenet:

About a year ago, Halle Berry was photographed wearing a ring on her left ring finger, prompting media outlets to speculate that boyfriend Olivier Martinez had proposed. Except he hadn’t. MSN says:

The twice-divorced star, 45, was snapped this week wearing an emerald-like ring on her left hand, which may or may not be the same decorative piece of jewelry she had on when the initial reports circulated in January of 2011. At the time, her rep insisted the ring was one of her own, not a bended-knee offering from her squinty-eyed French amour.

Halle’s spokesperson did not respond to our request for comment on this latest round of engagement whispers.

So that’s it. Halle Berry chose to wear a ring that she already owned on her left ring finger. Again. It meant nothing a year ago; it means nothing now. Completely pointless. Honestly, people, “Halle Berry engaged” was the big thing trending this afternoon. It’s not my fault if you can’t bother to google anything interesting.

Halle with daughter Nahla in Beverly Hills last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

After being on-again/off-again for what feels like the last ten years, Justin Timberlake has decided to make an honest woman out of Jessica Biel. Please hold your yawns and bored rustlings until the end. Us Magazine says:

The couple of four and a half years became engaged in late December.

Timberlake popped the question to Biel, 29, in the mountains of Jackson, Wyoming. “Justin knows how much she loves snowboarding and the mountains, so it was the perfect place,” one insider explains.

Another Timberlake insider adds that he’s “never been happier” with the New Year’s Eve actress. “He knew it was the right time to propose.”

Usually when somebody says, “I knew it was the right time to propose,” what they really mean is “she was six weeks late” or “her father showed up with a .357 and a justice of the peace.” Unfortunately, they’re not even interesting enough for either of those to have been the case here. You can commence with those yawns and rustlings now.

At the boring premiere of the very boring “New Year’s Eve” in NY last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Britney Spears might be giving marriage the old college try with boyfriend Jason Trawick. Third time’s a charm, blah blah blah. Try and act interested, okay? Says Digital Spy,

Speculation that Trawick was planning to pop the question first emerged online this week, when a source claimed that he asked Spears’s father Jamie for permission to propose.

Another source close to the couple has told Us Weekly that Spears accepted Trawick’s marriage proposal during a private meal on Thursday (December 15).

The insider told the website: “This is something they’ve both wanted for a long time. It’s a way to cement their family. They’re both extremely happy and can’t wait to become man and wife.”

Spears has not officially confirmed the engagement, but did tweet on Friday (December 16) that Trawick has given her a very special present.

She tweeted: “OMG. Last night Jason surprised me with the one gift I’ve been waiting for. Can’t wait to show you! SO SO SO excited!!!! Xxo.”

A rep for the ‘Criminal’ singer hasn’t commented on the engagement rumors yet.

Yes, Britney might have a new engagement ring, but it’s also possible that he got her a new set of extensions and a bag of Cheetos. Don’t underestimate the power of bright orange artificially-cheese-flavored snacks and a new weave to get a girl excited.

Polly Parsons (don’t know who she is) mounting some dude in Dubai (don’t know who he is). What, you expect me to do research?

Edward Norton celebrated his rumored engagement to girlfriend of six years Shauna Robertson with a seaside holiday in lovely Sardinia. Apparently nobody in Italy cares if your tits are bigger than your fiancée’s.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Britney Spears is allegedly going to be missus for the third time after a “source” dropped the news that she’s secretly engaged to boyfriend Jason Trawick. Of course, this is coming from a tabloid, and is the second time she’d been “engaged” to him, so take it as you will. Says Star Magazine,

The 29-year-old is secretly engaged to long-term boyfriend JASON TRAWICK, who until last month was also her manager.

Talent agent Jason – ten years Britney’s senior – proposed to her by writing a romantic poem and filling the ground floor of their Los Angeles mansion with candles and roses.

The Toxic star is already sporting a flower-shaped diamond on her wedding finger.
A source said: “Britney’s desperate to settle down again and have more children. But she is very traditional and didn’t want to start a family with Jason until they’d tied the knot.”

The couple plan a low-key wedding in Hawaii after Britney finishes a world tour. The source added: “She’s on cloud nine.”

10 years ago most men would have given their favorite testicle to be with Britney. But things have changed just a tad since then. Like a ruinous Southern plantation cursed by the tortured souls of the past, Britney’s memory will forever be tarnished by images like this. Or this. Or this. Or this. You get the point.

The happy couple:

Kim Kardashian’s enormous ass is now officially off the market — she got engaged to boyfriend Kris Humphries a week ago today. I’m sure Ryan Seacrest is working out all the details on the spin-off show as we speak. People Magazine says:

On May 18th, her boyfriend of six months, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries, was waiting in her bedroom on bended knee with four words written in red rose petals: “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

Humphries popped the question with a custom-designed, 20.5-carat Lorraine Schwartz diamond sparkler. “I just knew I wanted it to be big,” says Humphries, 26, who, with the help of Kardashian’s mom Kris Jenner, planned an intimate family celebration later that evening.

“Kris really didn’t want a big celebration, but he had jokingly told my mom he’d be fine if there were mini-horses there,” says Kardashian with a laugh. “Later that night at the party, my mom brought out two mini-horses, covered in glitter, for us! It was hysterical!”

Well, he’s (technically) black, he’s a professional athlete, and he spells his name with a K. Give him a video camera and it’s everything a Kardashian could ever want in a man.

At Boa last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Kate Hudson announced on the Today Show yesterday that she is officially engaged to Matthew Bellamy, lead singer of Radiohead’s skidmarks Muse and father of her yet-unborn (and technically still bastard!) child. Us Magazine says:

Interviewing Hudson (who’s promoting her flick Something Borrowed), Matt Lauer noticed a giant square cut engagement ring on her finger.

Confirming her engagement for the first time, Hudson said, “I haven’t really announced it, I was waiting for someone to notice.”

The Oscar-nominated star said the “very romantic” proposal went down about a week ago in NYC.

It will be the second marriage for Hudson, who divorced the Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson in 2006 after nearly six years.

So she’s engaged. In slightly more interesting news, she’s also topless. I say “slightly more interesting” because it was in a movie ten years ago and she has the breasts of a pudgy ten-year old Filipino boy. I should know. The one I keep locked in the basement isn’t allowed to wear a shirt.

NSFW Almost-an-A-Cup in “Almost Famous”:

Kate Hudson is turning out to be the ultimate groupie–after just 10 months of dating Muse frontman Matt Bellamy, she’s managed to get herself knocked up and engaged. Squeal! The Sun reports,

Rock star MATT BELLAMY and Hollywood actress KATE HUDSON have got engaged in secret.
They hosted a family party at a London hotel on Monday after jetting from Los Angeles to celebrate.

Muse frontman Matt, 32, and Kate, 31, confirmed last week they were expecting a baby.

A source said: “It was an intimate party. They kept their engagement secret as they wanted to celebrate with their nearest and dearest before it became public knowledge.”

Kate’s mum, actress GOLDIE HAWN, 65, is already in the UK and presented a gong at the British Comedy Awards on Saturday night.

Recently she revealed her delight at becoming a grandmother again. Goldie said: “I’m excited – happy for them both.”

Kate has a son, Ryder, seven, from a previous marriage to Black Crowes singer CHRIS ROBINSON.

Who knows where this all will end. Maybe the ultimate groupie goal would be to have kids by enough different musicians so that your kids can form their own band. They could call themselves The Offspring. Oh crap.

Damn, English people are teh fugs:

Australian “actress” Sophie Monk isn’t even D-list on a good day, but I literally have nothing else to write about unless you want to review a two-page analysis of Justin Bieber’s latest haircut (no, really), so just shut your stupid piehole and quit with the “who?!’s” and “zzzzzz’s” already. Anyway, she just got engaged to some old dude I’ve never heard of. There. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Us Magazine says:

Sophie Monk, 31, announced her engagement to 50-year-old American businessman Jimmy Esebag on Tuesday.

“I got engaged,” Monk revealed during an Australian radio interview (via Sydney Morning Herald). “It feels right — I think you know when you know.”

Describing Esebag as her “soul partner,” the Spring Breakdown star added that she’s “marrying a male version of myself, which is dangerous but good. He’s a keeper.”

Did you catch that? She’s 31 and he’s 50. Which means when he was 31, she was just going into the sixth grade. Sorta makes my hanging out by the middle school soccer field seem a little less creepy now. The defense rests, your honor!

Looking like death warmed over last year (rows 1 & 2); at the premiere of one of those stupid Kardashian shows last month (3):

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

TLC reality stars Jesse James and Kat von D revealed that they are engaged to be divorced yesterday. Fairy tales really do come true, boys and girls! Especially if there’s a webcam and white power involved. Us Magazine says:

Less than seven months after his messy divorce from Sandra Bullock was finalized, the motorcycle mogul, 41, is now engaged to TLC star and tattoo artist Kat von D!

Von D (real name: Katherine von Drachenberg), 28, confirmed the news on Twitter on Thursday. “I guess the ‘kat’ is outta the bag, eh? Thank you for all the wonderful, loving congratulations from you all. Overwhelmed with joy right now!”

This will be Monster Garage star James’ fourth marriage.

I just don’t understand how Jesse James could be with someone as beautiful and likeable as Sandra Bullock and still end up going back to the same old tatted-up skanks he banged before (well, and during, to be technical) her. It’s like a dog returning to his own vomit, or Britney Spears to Taco Bell and a gas station bathroom.