Aug 27, 2009

New York Yankees’ star Derek Jeter is ready to make an honest woman out of his girlfriend of one year, Friday Night Lights’ actress Minka Kelly. According to Page Six
“Derek and Minka are secretly engaged,” [said] an insider. The Yankee captain and the actress are telling close pals to “save the date” for nuptials in the fall. “The wedding is being planned and will take place after baseball season is over,” said our source.
Derek Jeter’s dated Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, and now he just landed Minka Kelly. When it comes to hot women, this guy sure knows how to catch ‘em! Too bad the same thing can’t be said about baseballs.
UPDATE: The NY Daily News is saying he isn’t engaged. And this commercial on the TV is saying that for just pennies on the dollar, I can own my own time share in the Jersey Shore! With prices this low, how can’t I afford not to commit to a lifetime of memories?
Minka in an Esquire photo shoot:










Jul 2, 2009

Kevin Jonas of the Jonas Brothers is engaged! Yeah, I don’t give a rat’s ass, either. People Magazine says
Kevin Jonas, 21, surprised his girlfriend Danielle Deleasa, 22, by showing up at her doorstep early Wednesday morning, dropping down to his knee [and presenting her] with a cushion-cut diamond ring that [he] designed.
Deleasa, a former hairdresser, first met Jonas two years ago [while vacationing with her family in the Bahamas]. It was Kevin who eagerly pursued her after… spotting her walking on the beach with a flower in her hair.
It might sound romantic from here, but the reality is he’s barely old enough to drink and still a goddamn virgin. The only way this marriage could be more destined for failure is if his incontinent grandmother moved in with them and Danielle developed an allergy to unibrows.
Jun 29, 2009

Brace yourself for the crazy: Britney Spears has gone brunette again. The Daily Mail says
Britney’s ever-changing hair has long been used as a barometer of her internal mood.
At the top of her game it was long, blonde and glossy - at her lowest it was shorn to reveal her bald scalp.
So, as she stepped out with rumored fiancé Jason Trawick [and a huge sparkling diamond on her ring finger], her newly brunette hair was bound to raise eyebrows.
You know, because dyeing her hair and marrying a member of her entourage worked out so well before. I guess some people just can’t bear to leave the familiar comfort of the previously-trodden path. Even if that path is actually a downward spiral into the gaping maw of public shame and humiliation. 2007, anyone?










Apr 15, 2009

First there were rumors that Britney Spears was getting it on with one of her tour backup dancers named Geo, and then she was supposedly boning another backup dancer, 21-year-old Chase Benz, and then there were claims that she was bumpin’ uglies with Kevin Federline, but this one has to take the cake — Britney is reportedly engaged to be married to real estate developer John Sundahl. NY Daily News says
40-year-old Sundahl met the pop princess in rehab in 2007 during Britney’s bald days and has held a torch for her ever since.
[His] personal pilot told us: “Britney and John used to date, but they reconnected after her show in New Jersey, and now they’re engaged. He got down on one knee in a Subway sandwich shop in Santa Monica a week ago and proposed with a $4.5 million marquise-cut diamond. They plan on getting married at his aunt’s farm in Germany in six weeks. It’s very hush-hush, even to the employees. He’s even putting a $350K fence around the property.”
Sundahl - who’s so wealthy that he’s currently staying at his parents’ house in Woodland Hills, California, [said], “Britney doesn’t want to do anything until the tour is over. She wants press for her tour and not for an engagement.”
Living with his folks and proposing in a fast food joint, huh? Yep, that sounds about right. The only part of the story that isn’t believable is the bit where they were eating at Subway. Anyone with half a brain knows Britney Spears wouldn’t be within a ten-mile radius of a restaurant that doesn’t serve french fries and Quarter Pounders. You might as well have told me he proposed at at Mensa meeting or inside the lost city of Atlantis.
More of bikini Britney in Miami with the kids last month:























Mar 19, 2009

We need some less depressing news after the bucket of sadness and tragedy that was the last post. Oh, look — this’ll do:
Adorable wee elfling Christina Ricci is engaged to her Gigantor boyfriend Owen Benjamin, her rep confirmed Tuesday. The 5′1″ Ricci met the 6′6″ Benjamin last year on the set of their film All’s Faire in Love, and they began dating last fall. Ricci is 29, and Benjamin’s age seems to be a complete mystery, as I couldn’t find it anywhere in my extra diligent 14-second Google search (I am a research warrior!).
I hope they have a horde of children, in a progressive series of alternating height extremes, and then start their own traveling family sideshow. With costumes. Sequinned costumes.
Teeny Christina and ogre-sized Owen going to Guacho Grill in Studio City:





Mar 18, 2009

After two rejected proposals, Reese Witherspoon has finally consented to Jake Gyllenhaal’s offer of marriage. A source told Star Magazine
“[The engagement ring] was gorgeous, and everyone noticed it right away. But she took it off as soon as she saw people staring. Reese stuffed it in her bag and didn’t put it on again the rest of the day.
There was already word out that she and Jake had gotten engaged, so the ring absolutely confirmed everybody’s suspicions. They’re ready to make it official!”
I don’t know about you, but I’m… happy for Reese. I’m allowed to say that, you know. I don’t just go around mocking celebrities for the sake of their celebrity status. I’m genuinely happy for her. Reese has finally found the girl of her dreams, and she’s about to make her all her own! I think it’d be wrong to sully such a feel-good moment with snark and thinly-veiled homophobic derision.
Shopping in Melrose:









