Kate Hudson announced on the Today Show yesterday that she is officially engaged to Matthew Bellamy, lead singer of Radiohead’s skidmarks Muse and father of her yet-unborn (and technically still bastard!) child. Us Magazine says:

Interviewing Hudson (who’s promoting her flick Something Borrowed), Matt Lauer noticed a giant square cut engagement ring on her finger.

Confirming her engagement for the first time, Hudson said, “I haven’t really announced it, I was waiting for someone to notice.”

The Oscar-nominated star said the “very romantic” proposal went down about a week ago in NYC.

It will be the second marriage for Hudson, who divorced the Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson in 2006 after nearly six years.

So she’s engaged. In slightly more interesting news, she’s also topless. I say “slightly more interesting” because it was in a movie ten years ago and she has the breasts of a pudgy ten-year old Filipino boy. I should know. The one I keep locked in the basement isn’t allowed to wear a shirt.

NSFW Almost-an-A-Cup in “Almost Famous”:

Kate Hudson is turning out to be the ultimate groupie–after just 10 months of dating Muse frontman Matt Bellamy, she’s managed to get herself knocked up and engaged. Squeal! The Sun reports,

Rock star MATT BELLAMY and Hollywood actress KATE HUDSON have got engaged in secret.
They hosted a family party at a London hotel on Monday after jetting from Los Angeles to celebrate.

Muse frontman Matt, 32, and Kate, 31, confirmed last week they were expecting a baby.

A source said: “It was an intimate party. They kept their engagement secret as they wanted to celebrate with their nearest and dearest before it became public knowledge.”

Kate’s mum, actress GOLDIE HAWN, 65, is already in the UK and presented a gong at the British Comedy Awards on Saturday night.

Recently she revealed her delight at becoming a grandmother again. Goldie said: “I’m excited – happy for them both.”

Kate has a son, Ryder, seven, from a previous marriage to Black Crowes singer CHRIS ROBINSON.

Who knows where this all will end. Maybe the ultimate groupie goal would be to have kids by enough different musicians so that your kids can form their own band. They could call themselves The Offspring. Oh crap.

Damn, English people are teh fugs:

Australian “actress” Sophie Monk isn’t even D-list on a good day, but I literally have nothing else to write about unless you want to review a two-page analysis of Justin Bieber’s latest haircut (no, really), so just shut your stupid piehole and quit with the “who?!’s” and “zzzzzz’s” already. Anyway, she just got engaged to some old dude I’ve never heard of. There. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Us Magazine says:

Sophie Monk, 31, announced her engagement to 50-year-old American businessman Jimmy Esebag on Tuesday.

“I got engaged,” Monk revealed during an Australian radio interview (via Sydney Morning Herald). “It feels right — I think you know when you know.”

Describing Esebag as her “soul partner,” the Spring Breakdown star added that she’s “marrying a male version of myself, which is dangerous but good. He’s a keeper.”

Did you catch that? She’s 31 and he’s 50. Which means when he was 31, she was just going into the sixth grade. Sorta makes my hanging out by the middle school soccer field seem a little less creepy now. The defense rests, your honor!

Looking like death warmed over last year (rows 1 & 2); at the premiere of one of those stupid Kardashian shows last month (3):

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

TLC reality stars Jesse James and Kat von D revealed that they are engaged to be divorced yesterday. Fairy tales really do come true, boys and girls! Especially if there’s a webcam and white power involved. Us Magazine says:

Less than seven months after his messy divorce from Sandra Bullock was finalized, the motorcycle mogul, 41, is now engaged to TLC star and tattoo artist Kat von D!

Von D (real name: Katherine von Drachenberg), 28, confirmed the news on Twitter on Thursday. “I guess the ‘kat’ is outta the bag, eh? Thank you for all the wonderful, loving congratulations from you all. Overwhelmed with joy right now!”

This will be Monster Garage star James’ fourth marriage.

I just don’t understand how Jesse James could be with someone as beautiful and likeable as Sandra Bullock and still end up going back to the same old tatted-up skanks he banged before (well, and during, to be technical) her. It’s like a dog returning to his own vomit, or Britney Spears to Taco Bell and a gas station bathroom.

Whaddaya know, Seth Rogen is either a romantic or an idiot. Maybe both. The engaged star of The Green Hornet is saying “no” to a pre-nup. OK Magazine says,

When the Green Hornet star stopped by to chat with Howard Stern on Friday (via E! News), he opened up about his engagement to writer/actress Lauren Miller and their wedding plans.

Howard asked if a prenup was part of Seth’s plan and Seth responded, “I’m not. My business manager told me to get one too.”

The radio host, who’s been married twice, gave him a hard time and referenced an example of Kelsey Grammer reportedly having to give Camille Grammer $50 million in their divorce.

“Marriage can be expensive and if I lose millions then it’ll be the best millions I’ve spent,” Seth said.

Um okay, that’s kind of cute. Maybe being an average Joe in Hollywood has forced him to develop other skills than just being a good-looking asshole like I’m sure lots of his handsomer peers are. Kind of like us girls who aren’t models have to find ways to attract the opposite sex. In my case, walking around naked with a brown paper bag on my head does the trick.

In NYC promoting The Green Hornet:

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Latest to join the rash of Christmas engagements is Reese Witherspoon. She got a diamond, so what? I got a lump of coal, and they’re made of the same stuff. So there! The Daily Mail says,

Reese Witherspoon and Hollywood agent Jim Toth are engaged after almost a year of dating, her spokesperson confirmed today.
The couple quietly began their romance in January shortly after her split from Jake Gyllenhaal and went public with the relationship in March.
‘They are extremely happy,’ a representative for the Oscar-winner told America’s Us Weekly.

Who knows, this marriage may actually stick, since he’s not directly in the movie industry. I can’t say anything mean about her, she’s so darn cute. God, what’s wrong with me?

Blocking the rain and the paps in Brentwood:

Now that  LeAnn Rimes is newly engaged to Eddie Cibrian just this past Christmas, the rumors are flying that she’s also knocked up. She’s of course denying it. Says Digital Spy,

LeAnn Rimes has denied rumors that she is pregnant with fiancé Eddie Cibrian.

Rimes – who recently announced her engagement to the actor – took to Twitter to shoot down a story originally reported by Hollybaby which said that the singer was expecting her first child.

Rimes wrote: “this is such BS!!!! Lol, you people all report BS (sic).”

The 28-year-old appeared to reinforce her denial by posting details of her indulgent holiday plans shortly after. She added: “Cabo!!!!! Sun, bikinis, friends, food, tequila…celebration!!!! Gonna be the best trip!!”

So it’s just like that time when there were rumors that you were cheating, but you got all huffy and offended and you denied it, and then it turned out to be true and you’re just a pug-nosed liar-dog? Yeah. I thought so.

Walking in Calabasas:

Wedding bells will chime at least one more time before the death knell for Hugh Hefner. Digital Spy reports,

Hugh Hefner took to his Twitter account on Christmas Day to announce his engagement to girlfriend Crystal Harris.

The 84-year-old Playboy founder has been married twice before, officially divorcing his second wife in March of this year.

In the early hours of Christmas Day morning, he wrote on his Twitter page: “After the movie tonight, Crystal & I exchanged gifts. I gave Crystal a ring. A truly memorable Christmas Eve.”

Later in the evening, he posted again, writing: “When I gave Crystal the ring, she burst into tears. This is the happiest Christmas weekend in memory.”

24-year-old Harris, born of British parents living in Arizona, was noticed by Playboy representatives while she was studying psychology at San Diego State University.

She met Hefner on Halloween in 2008 and started dating him a few months later, while he was also dating identical twin glamour models Kristina and Karissa Shannon.

The magazine tycoon since ended his relationship with the twins in January this year, and has remained monogamous to Crystal since.

I burst into tears too when my husband asked me to marry him. Actually, he was the one who was crying. You’d be too if your future father-in-law had your nuts in a death grip.

Lucy Pinder topless, because…well, we don’t really need a reason, do we? NSFW:

Saved from the specter of a lifetime of spinsterhood, Jessica Simpson confesses that she couldn’t stop blubbering after new fiancée Eric Johnson proposed. Says Digital Spy,

In an interview with CBS’s The Early Show, the star admitted that her first reaction to the marriage offer was one of “total surprise”.

“I had to sit on his knee [because] I was shocked,” she said.

The star continued: “I first said ‘Yes’… I didn’t even try the ring on until five minutes in. I just sat there and cried with him.”

Simpson revealed that Johnson asked her parents for permission to propose and expressed happiness that he selected a ruby-adorned engagement ring.

She also praised her beau as “the best man in my life”.

The singer concluded: “He is just really thoughtful. Keeps me very centred. He makes me feel like my feet are on the ground.”

It was recently reported that Simpson and Johnson may be planning to wed before Christmas.

Yes, total surprise. I’m sure Jessica never hinted at it. She’s not the kind to take a man by the window of a jewelry store and ooh and ahh over the rings. Nope. Not Jessica. In fact, I bet her face looked a lot like this.

Picture source: Bauer-Griffin

A little over a week after her ex-husband announced his engagement to Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Simpson announced that she’s getting married, too. So nanny-nanny boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo, Nick Lachey! Star Magazine says:

A rep confirmed the engagement on Sunday, just ten days after Jessica’s ex-husband Nick Lachey announced his engagement.

Jessica and Eric couple began dating in May and on Saturday, the singer was spotted flashing a [three-stone engagement ring that features a central ruby flanked by two diamonds] during an appearance at Dillard’s at Oak Park Mall in Kansas City.

Boy, there’s nothing like getting engaged out of spite. Unless it’s having a baby out of spite. I know it’s the only reason I have any kids. The child tax credits are just the icing on my bitterness cake.

Peddling her wares in person at a mall department store last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Today is more boring than Arbor Day and Sunday morning church service combined, so here’s some Rachel Bilson/Hayden Christensen gossip for you! Try to hold your squeals of excitement until the end. Nine MSN says:

The couple called off their engagement in August – but Hayden was spotted leaving Rachel’s Los Angeles home last week.

A source [said]: “They’re dating again.”

The breakdown of their relationship is thought to have been linked to the difficulties of being so far apart.

Wow. Can you say “boring?” Because I can’t. On account of the gun I just put in mouth.

Rachel at Christian Dior’s Spring fashion show in Paris last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

In news that nobody’s sure to care about, former 98 Degrees member Nick Lachey and his longtime girlfriend are getting married. You can almost hear Jessica Simpson’s muffled sobs through the mouthfuls of biscuits and gravy. Radar Online says:

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo, who briefly split last summer, are now engaged!

“We’re excited and incredibly happy about our engagement and we look forward to a wonderful future together,” the couple [said in a statement].

And in news you’ll care even less about, that one squinty-eyed country singer who cheated on her gay husband is marrying that guy she fucked while he was still married to somebody else. Vive l’amour! Radar Online adds:

Boyfriend Eddie Cibrian will now call [LeAnn Rimes] his fiancée.

Cibrian got down on bended knee recently, E! Online is reporting.

Their engagement news comes shortly after Rimes did an interview with ABC’s Robin Roberts to discuss the cheating scandal surrounding involving her ex-husband Dean Sheremet and current beau Cibrian.

Why would you buy the cow when you already get the milk for free? Especially if somebody else had already bought the cow first and it wouldn’t give them any milk, but practically hosed down the next thing with a penis that came within twenty feet of the big fake udders they’d bought and paid for while they owned it. I’d say the only reason to invest in that cow is for the choice cuts and shoe leather.

Zzzzzzz:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures