More details have emerged about what led up to Charlie Sheen’s unfortunate “allergic reaction to medication” that resulted in $7,000 worth of damage to a Midtown hotel yesterday. According to TMZ:

Charlie’s alcohol-fueled rampage began at a restaurant called Daniel near the Plaza Hotel where [he] was staying. He, three other men and five women had an 8:00 PM reservation Tuesday night and Charlie was drinking heavily. Denise Richards, we’re told, went to the dinner but left fairly quickly after things got wild.

Charlie brought one of the women back to his hotel room and soon thereafter people on his floor heard what they say was primal screaming and swearing from inside the room. Charlie was calling the woman a whore and other names, when people started to complain.

We’re told Charlie ripped the curtains, overturned tables, damaged a lighting fixture and broke glass, which cut his toe open.

Of course, Charlie tested positive for cocaine during his psychiatric evaluation at the hospital, despite just having finished a stint in court-ordered rehab after threatening to kill his other ex-wife, Brooke Mueller. But he doesn’t need to go back to rehab, because this was really more of a “bump in the road” than a full-blown relapse. TMZ says:

Charlie Sheen [acknowledges] he screwed up in New York City, but has no plans to return to rehab.

People who have direct contact with Charlie tell us he wants to “move on.”

Charlie went home Tuesday night after landing in L.A.

And the best part about all this? Charlie Sheen is currently the highest-paid actor on US televesion. THE highest. You could mulch your backyard with Ben Franklins and wipe your ass with solid gold bars and still not piss away as much money in a year as this guy does in a weekend. I guess this is just what happens when an chlamydial force meets an multi-penetrable object.

Denise Richards talking about the trip to the hospital with Joy Behar:

Cops were called to a New York hotel this morning after a drunk and naked Charlie Sheen trashed his suite. Charlie, by the way, was there with his two daughters and ex-wife Denise Richards (they were on a different floor) to see “Mary Poppins” on Broadway. Good times all around! NY Post says:

Security at The Plaza Hotel on Fifth Avenue called police just after 2 a.m. where they found the hard-partying Sheen.

Tables and chairs had been thrown around the room and a chandelier was also damaged. The damages totaled about $7,000.

“The Two and a Half Men” star was accompanied to New York Hospital by his ex-wife Denise Richards, who was staying in a separate room at the Eloise Suite on the 18th floor.

Sheen was not injured, but checked himself into the hospital for an evaluation, sources said.

So what sparked the deranged chimpanzee-like hotel melee? Well, the hooker he was with tried to steal his wallet, so he locked her in the closet naked and then started Chris Farley-ing the furniture.

Sheen, 45, told police he had been “out partying.”

After he returned to his room with an unidentified woman, he noticed his wallet and cellphone were missing, causing him to fly into a rage.

A police official said the woman in the room with Sheen was an escort.

Life & Style magazine reported on its website that the woman was screaming inside a locked closet.

“She was fearing for her life and was naked,” a source told the website. “Charlie was incoherent but started screaming slurs at the cops. They recognized him immediately and gave him two options: they could take him to the hospital or take him down to the station. Charlie chose the hospital.”

This is just what I figured a family vacation with Charlie Sheen would look like. Only there should be more cheerleader costumes spattered with vomit and urine and somebody should have accidentally gotten shot by a donkey.

After Charlie Sheen was busted cheating on her with a prostitute last week, wife Brooke Mueller has finally bailed on their marriage of less than two years. Star Magazine says

Brooke Mueller [is] moving out of their home in Beverly Hills… and she’s taking their one-year-old twin sons, Bob and Max, with her!

Brooke had a change of heart after Charlie, 44, was recently caught having a romantic rendezvous with an escort in L.A. “She’s still on the road to recovery as an outpatient — but she’s decided that she’ll make that journey without Charlie. She’s had her fill of [his] cheating and unpredictability.”

When contacted, Brooke told Star: “I’m doing what I need to do to move forward with my life.”

But maybe Brooke is jumping the gun here, because the escort in question claims that Charlie was just trying to help his fellow rehabber through a tough time. Oh, I’ll bet you he gave her something to “lean on!” The wiener. I was talking about his wiener. Honestly, people. You don’t have to make this so hard. That’s what she said! According to MSNBC

The [lingerie model-turned-escort] claimed she met Sheen through rehab.

“My interaction with Charlie has simply been rehab-related and we are JUST FRIENDS,” Angelina Tracy wrote to Access Hollywood on Friday. “[All my] interactions with Charlie have been IN THE COMPANY OF OTHERS.”

While magazines claimed Sheen recently met her with a bouquet of flowers, which led to the two kissing, Tracy said that wasn’t the case.

“I was given flowers only as a token of support because I have been going through a difficult time in my personal life, and he was trying to cheer me up,” she wrote. “He wore [the moustache and ball cap] ‘disguise’ as a tongue-in-cheek gesture because he knew he was being followed and he had nothing to hide. He was just having fun with the paparazzi.”

Yep, the only time you should wear a disguise is when you have nothing to hide and you think people might be tailing you with cameras. It just proves how much “nothing to hide” you have. It’s just like my husband keeping condoms in his pockets and lube in the glove box because he’s not going to have sex with hookers. Really, I don’t see what’s so hard about this, people. It makes perfect sense to me.

real housewives of new jersey sex tape

“Real Housewives of New Jersey” star Danielle Staub was granted a temporary injunction today against the release of a sex tape in which she stars with her former boyfriend. Give it another two weeks and it’ll be all over the interwebs for free. TMZ says

Her lawyer filed a complaint alleging [former boyfriend] Stephen Zalewski, who also appeared on the reality show, invaded her privacy and has caused her and her young daughters emotional distress.

Zalewski told Star magazine, “I’m definitely weighing my options as far as selling [the tapes] and getting them out there … She cost me so much money, why shouldn’t I make a few dollars?”

In other slut-related news, you might remember that her ex-husband claimed Danielle worked as a prostitute before being arrested for her role in an extortion plot masterminded by her Colombian cartel dealing boyfriend, all of which she categorically denied. Well, hey, guess what:

The Smoking Gun has obtained copies of FBI court documents from that bust.

The documents state that [Staub] was working as an escort when she became involved with local cocaine kingpin Daniel Aguilar. In June 1986, Daniel had [Staub] take a kilo of cocaine to Carmen Centolella, who was supposed to sell the drugs to four men. When [Staub] arrived, she was accosted by the men [and held] at gunpoint before fleeing with the cocaine.

When Aguilar learned what had happened, he orchestrated Carmen Centolella’s kidnapping. Centolella was beaten while he was held at Aguilar’s house for three days, during which phone calls were placed to his father demanding $25,000 ransom. According to the documents, [Staub] placed the first call to the father, during which she “threatened injury or death” to his son.

The FBI made their arrests and two months later — facing a possible sentence of 20 years in prison — [Staub] agreed to plead guilty to a single felony count of extortion and received to five years probation, in exchange for testifying against Aguilar. According to the documents, he was later sentenced to 15 years behind bars.

You know, I always wondered what Ron Burgundy meant by the term “smelly pirate hooker.” I don’t wonder anymore.

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