Tyra Banks really brought her A-game to the Do Something Awards last weekend (click header for closeup). The A of course standing for “Argentinian lip dressing.” Or possibly “Androgynous dirt squirrel.” I bet Orlando Bloom is jealous that he could only grow a mustache half as good for Pirates of the Caribbean.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Denise Richards in talks to reprise Michael J. Fox’s role in “Teen Wolf 3: With a Vengeance,” or at least I assume she is, because her entire face is covered in hair (closeup of the mustache here; closeup of the goatee here). Dear God. Somebody get this bitch some estrogen pills and a tub of wax, because that shit is disgusting. Unless she plans on becoming a Hasidic Jew or joining the Taliban in the next two weeks, in which case it makes perfect sense.

At the ‘Best Friends Animal Society’ adopt a dog event in L.A. last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Supposedly, this hairy caterpillar* squatting so obscenely on Daniel Craig’s face is because of his role in the Broadway play “A Steady Rain”, which co-stars Hugh Jackman and begins previewing next week.  Honestly though, I refuse to accept that as a reasonable excuse.  This is not what James Bond is supposed to look like.  I mean Jesus, he looks like Martin Mull.  Colonel Mustard is no James Bond, Mr. Craig.  I strongly suggest you get that thing off your face posthaste, and never defile yourself this way again.  Good day, sir.  I SAID GOOD DAY!

*It was brought to my attention in the comments that a moustache of this calibre should be known as a “Dirt Squirrel”.  I apologise for this shocking gap in my follicular vocabulary.  Also: hee!

A prettier, less hirsute Daniel Craig:

It’s gotta be a real blow to the ol’ manhood when you realize your girlfriend has more of a five o’clock shadow than you ever will. At least Zac Efron can take comfort in the fact his vagina will always be bigger.

Zac and “girlfriend”/werewolf Vanessa Hudgens promoting HSM 3 in Japan: