Singer Katy Perry attempted “quirkiness” with a subtlety only previously seen in a Diablo Cody script by jumping into, rather than out of, a cake onstage during her performance at MTV’s Latin America Awards in Guadalajara last night. Naturally, hilarity ensued. I lost count of the number of times she fell down. I was laughing too hard to tell, anyway. Anybody who’s ever wallowed in a giant dessert knows that frosting is second only to an oil slick in terms of slipperiness. And anyone who’s ever fornicated with a dessert knows you can use it to piece together a trite and cliched comedy and rake in millions. Which is precisely why my new business model consists entirely of meringue and mini-van size eclairs. Call me, Katy!

I kissed the floor, and I liked it:

I figure we’ve got five minutes before this video gets yanked, so enjoy this footage of Madonna eating the floor on her Sticky ‘n Sweet tour in Lisbon while you still can. Fast forward to the 47 second mark if the sight of her rubbing her ass cheeks and puss all over her guitar makes you ill. You know that song “While My Guitar Gently Weeps?” Now you can finally understand what George Harrison was talking about. May God have mercy on its soul.