This video of Mischa Barton eating it on the steps of her trailer is funny, be it would be a lot funnier with some cartoon sound effects, like a slide whistle followed by a squelching noise and maybe a fart or two. So I found this sound effects soundboard and tried to figure out how to add the sounds to the video on my own. Unfortunately, the “Introduction to Windows ’98″ course I took in college didn’t provide me with the necessary skills for online video editing. But if you want me to add a header and footer to your Word document or wrap text around a piece of Word Art, I’m your girl!
I stopped watching this video of Brooke Hogan after she gave her half-eaten apple a voice and made it pretend to sign her tit, but if you can make it past the four minute mark, you can learn all you ever needed to know about the finer points of eating an apple. Namely:
1. You need a tube of Aquaphor off your boyfriend’s table (apparently your significant other should have psoriasis or diaper rash)
2. Put the Aquaphor on your apple and smear some on your lips
3. Drink some cough medicine
Immediately following step three, you should make sure to double over with inane laughter and continue blathering like a goddamn loon, making sure that at no point are you even remotely funny in the slightest. Or as I like to call it, “blogging.” Trust me, it’s a lot harder than I make it look.
Most people usually grimace when they realize they’re about to hit the pavement, but Lindsay Lohan’s first instinct is to make like she’s about to deep-throat a penis. I think that’s what they call a down-on-your-knees-jerk reaction.
