farrah fawcett last rites

Although it’s been rumored that she’s been on her deathbed for weeks, actress Farrah Fawcett was read her last rights Wednesday night. The NY Daily News reports

A priest was summoned [last night] to the Los Angeles hospital where the 62-year-old is being treated.

Those keeping vigil in the intensive care unit included longtime love Ryan O’Neal, who has been with [her] constantly since she was hospitalized two weeks ago.

The actress was diagnosed with [anal] cancer in 2006.

Risk factors for anal cancer include having multiple sex partners, engaging in anal sex and smoking cigarettes, so by all accounts I should have been dead five years ago. I guess I’m what you’d call a “miracle of science.” You have to admit, it sounds a whole lot better than “dirty no-good whore.” My mom doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about.

UPDATE I: People Magazine is reporting that Farrah died at 9:28 a.m. PST this morning at St. John’s Heath Center in Santa Monica. Our condolences to her family.

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While Farrah Fawcett, who is currently enduring her second bout with colorectal cancer, lapsed into unconsciousness at a Los Angeles hospital last night, her son was busy getting busted for smuggling meth onto jail property. It’s what any dying mother would want, really. The NY Daily News says

A cancer-stricken [and unconscious] Farrah Fawcett was fighting for her life Sunday night as relatives gathered at her bedside. The former “Charlie’s Angels” star, now 62, has been in an undisclosed hospital since Thursday.

Adding to the family drama was yesterday’s arrest of her son Redmond O’Neal on charges he tried to smuggle drugs into a county jail. O’Neal, 24, was busted when he drove a friend to [visit a buddy currently incarcerated in] a detention facility in Santa Clarita, Calif., and guards found drugs on him at a checkpoint.

I can’t think of anything more appropriate to do while your mother’s on her deathbed. Getting arrested for soliciting sex from an underage transvestite or plowing through a sidewalk full of orphans piss-drunk and high is a close second. It sure beats the hell out of flowers and prayers, anyway. Why does everything have to be so goddamn clich├ęd?

UPDATE: People Magazine says Farrah is now awake and doing better, while her son remains an insufferable douche.

UPDATE II: It was heroin and Xanax that the insufferable douche was caught with, not meth. Yeeeah regrets the error and Ryan O’Neal’s facial hair.

Vintage Farrah:


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