Pam Anderson’s skin has the healthy sheen of a sausage casing. You know what other similarities she has with a sausage? They’re both bad for you (Hepatitis B, anyone?), they’re both overprocessed, and they both have artificial fillers! BA-DOOM-BAH! Thank you! I’ll be here until Friday!

Strutting her stuff at the Richie Rich Fall/Winter 2009 collection at Day 6 of New York Fashion Week entitled, “Blondes Have More Fun!” Don’t know where the gold lamé bathing suit fits in.

The Victoria’s Secret Angels strutted their stuff down the catwalk at a lavish show the newly-renovated Fontainebleau hotel in Miami this past weekend. There were the requisite feathers, the elaborate costuming, the diamond brassieres, and oh, yes — the boobies. Boobies, boobies, boobies. I sure hope none of you girls out there woke up feeling good about yourselves today! Nothing’s a better antidote for self-affirmation and esteem like 800 pictures of the world’s most perfect bodies. If it makes you feel any better, angel Karolina Kurkova doesn’t have a belly button (close up here). They have to photoshop one on her in shoots. Disgusting freak. Anyway, if you’ll excuse me now, I have some cutting and purging to do. Laxatives don’t just ingest themselves, you know!