Either Katherine Heigl’s suit is suffering from a serious case of static cling, or it’s now considered haute couture to have your skirt bunching up on your thighs. If that’s the case, it can’t be long before wedgies are all the rage and I’ll finally be on the cusp of cutting edge fashion. Let the fashion come to you, people.
The last time I saw someone dressed like this, she was sitting on the steps of St. Paul’s Cathedral, covered by pigeons and saying, “Feed the birds, tuppence a bag.”
Crazy bird ladies Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen at the premiere of “The Union”:
Here’s Nicole “Coco” Austin leaving her imprint on the fashion world. And by “imprint”, I mean “getting pummeled by twin silicone bags”. This look here is for that woman who doesn’t know just what to dress up her butt implants with. What exactly would you call the dressing up of asses? Asserdashery? I don’t know. Coco is treading upon a whole new world of prêt-à-porter here. I just hope she doesn’t decide to sit down.
A nightmare incarnate to Karl Lagerfeld at Sachika Twins S/S 2011 Fashion Show in New York:
Hi guys, it’s Sonya again for today, but Abby will be back tomorrow. The MTV Movie Awards were last night, but if you’re like me, I refuse to watch an award show where New Moon wins anything besides a steaming pile of crap. So, the big news was that Sandra Bullock kissed Scarlett Johansson, Mark Wahlberg humped Will Ferrell as they were suspended in harnesses, and Tom Cruise reprised his Les Grossman role from Tropic Thunder while dancing with Beyonce. It’s kind of nice to see him taking himself a little less seriously, but he’s still a creepy midget nutjob, and his “funny” falls kind of flat. But all I really care about is what everyone was wearing, so down with Xenu and let’s check out the clothes.
100 crows had to die for Christina Aguilera to look this good bad:
Jessica Biel got a few of her leftovers:
Look, Lady Gaga is so avant garde that she doesn’t need heels on her shoes like the rest of you peasants! Walking heel-toe is so last few million years. The toe is where it’s at, bitches!
Leaving a recording studio:
Hello my pretties, it’s Sarah. Abby’s got a roller derby thing happening today, but she’ll be back tomorrow and I heard she bought some dictaphone software just in case she shatters her wrist again, so it won’t even matter if she can’t type!
In news of the stupid, Jennifer Love Hewitt is turning 31, so naturally she dressed up in a cute, sophisticated cocktail dress and went out to a club with friends and had a few drinks and a good time. HAHAHA! No, I’m just fucking with you. What I mean to say is that she wore this jackassy nonsense, and while it does appear that two “friends” (possibly hired lackeys) were involved, they didn’t go anywhere or do anything other than stand outside her gate and pose for the paparazzi, whom she called and invited (possibly whilst crying).
And again, she’s turning 31. THIRTY-ONE. Not three. Not even 13. THIRTY-ONE.
This getup would be kind of a lame failure for an 80s themed bachelorette party involving actual buckets of margaritas, but as a birthday outfit for a grown ass woman? I don’t even have the time or the energy to address everything that’s wrong with this.
Jennifer Love Hewitt dressed up as Retard Barbie for her 31st birthday:
Hi guys, it’s Sonya today. Did you know that nipples can stick to ice? It’s true. Just ask Abby when she gets back.
So, the Grammys happened last night, and like the dedicated blogger that I am, I didn’t watch them. I don’t really care who gets what, because it’s all a bunch of crap anyway. They never mention my favorite group, Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters, so I don’t bother. I am interested in what everyone wore, so here we go:
Taylor Swift’s dress fits kind of weird, I think.
Rihanna chose to let her dress do the choking
During a lapse in security, crazy lady Phoebe Price slipped in, as did super-classy Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
Pink didn’t need to sneak in, she just snarled at security
Rachel McAdams was at the Madrid premiere of Sherlock Holmes, and she wore this weirdly frumpy, dowdy grandmother dress in a horrible beige colour which completely washes out her normally lovely skin. The crunchy looking helmet hair and the heavy bronze eye makeup were not helping. Rachel McAdams is beautiful, but she’s always looked a little wan as a blonde (she’s much prettier with dark hair) and this whole colour palette she’s got going on here is doing her no favours. I even hate her earrings, which look like bedazzled spear heads, and her shoes look like orthopedic fuck me pumps or something. I just don’t understand any of this.
Rachel McAdams at the Spanish premiere of Sherlock Holmes in Madrid:
Lady Gaga had another PAY ATTENTION TO ME moment at the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics trade show, where she did whatever this crazy business is to her head. I don’t even know. I mean, I just get the feeling Prince sees pictures of this chick and mutters under his breath about how some people really need to tone down their eccentricities. Anyway, Gaga was also recently named Creative Director for Polaroid (???) and Tweeted a picture of her new business cards:
Whatever. I guess someone who will quite literally do anything to get her picture taken might be a good person to have around at a camera company. Or something.
At the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics trade show:
Several years ago, Angelina Jolie became the face of St. John clothing and promoted their line for awhile. This should be really old news, but all of a sudden St. John are running their mouth off about Angelina and basically saying they dumped her for being more of a big deal than their boring clothes designed for Ladies Who Lunch. From People:
While Angelina Jolie hasn’t appeared in an ad for St. John for some time, the luxury knitwear company is speaking out on the absence of her famous face from their campaign. The label’s chief executive officer Glenn McMahon tells WWD, “[Jolie] overshadowed the brand. We wanted to make a clean break from actresses and steer away from blondes and cleanse the palette.” So while other luxury brands have hired the likes of Madonna, Emma Watson, Eva Mendes and others to star in their upcoming spring/summer 2010 campaigns, St. John turned to red-headed model Karen Elson, a decision McMahon sees as a step in the right direction for the brand. “We needed to show a modern point of view of St. John,” he says. “We have evolved.” And according to the label’s website, executive vice president of design for St. John, George Sharp, who also directed the new ads, views Karen as the “epitome of the modern day woman…the St. John woman… strong, confident, sensual and approachable with effortless glamour.”
St. John had a three year contract with Angelina Jolie which began in 2005 and ended in the summer of 2008, so their business relationship has been over and done with for a year and a half and should really have no bearing on whatever the hell the company’s doing now. It sounds to me like the St. John CEO is either bitter and vengeful or is an attention whore trying to squeeze the last drop of blood from his boring-ass company’s tenuous connection to one of the most famous women in the world.
Besides, the folks at St. John are delusional if they think they have a “modern point of view” or that they’ve “evolved” because while they make relatively nice things, they don’t exactly trend young. Their stuff is tasteful and conservative, and doesn’t get anywhere near edgy or fashion forward. My grandmother liked St. John, but she was old and now she’s dead. Actually, the only people I’ve ever met in real life who wore their clothes were all at least 55 years old, so if St. John had a lick of damn sense they’d get someone like Helen Mirren or Susan Sarandon to advertise their line.
Karen Elson for the St. John spring 2010 campaign:
Some of Angelina Jolie’s old ads for St. John:
Just this past weekend, Lindsay Lohan cracktweeted her little heart out about how “drama-free” her 2010 was going to be. To the surprise of absolutely no one, that master plan went to hell in a handbasket in only a couple of days. Lindsay is a failure in every way, however, so of course things are getting more ridiculous by the minute. From People:
Merely a week after plans to expand her leggings line 6126 into a full fashion line hit the internet — complete with sketches — Lindsay has been accused of copying designs by two separate designers, reports WWD. First, James Lillis, designer of Black Milk Clothing, took to his blog, toomanytights.typepad.com, to point out the similarities between Lindsay’s “Diamond” leggings and his own “Sheer Spartan” leggings — both of which boast a signature triangle cutout at mid-thigh. Next,Fashionista.com labeled Lindsay’s geometric dress as a dead ringer for a Jen Kao dress the star wore only last month — to which designer Jen Kao responded to WWD, saying, “While we are all well aware that being ‘mimicked’ or ‘copied’ has always existed in this industry, I think the evolution of it all has grown to an alarming level. It’s a shame to support the concept of taking advantage of designers who are still trying to develop a name and solidify the image of their design aesthetic.” While Lindsay has yet to respond to the accusations against her, Kristi Kaylor, president of 6126, defended Lindsay and the integrity of her designs to WWD, saying, “The alleged ‘copying’ claims made by these companies are false and have absolutely no merit or validity whatsoever. Any alleged similarities are purely coincidental. The 6126 illustrations for the upcoming fall 2010 collections do not even describe the fabric content, fit or actual construction details of the garments. This is merely an accusation based upon a pencil sketch with no concrete viable evidence to back up the allegations.”
Are you goddamn kidding me? “Alleged” similarities? Get the fuck out. The 6126 “Diamond” leggings sketch is shown here on the left, and Black Milk Clothing’s “Sheer Spartan” leggings are shown on the right.
And here’s the dress design Lindsay stole from Jen Kao:
These are not “alleged similarities” and I can’t believe that anyone, even coked-up Lindsay Lohan and her retarded lackeys, would have the unmitigated gall to dump such a ridiculous bucket of bullshit. These 6126 sketches are goddamn identical to the work of other designers. Jesus, at this point it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if Lindsay Lohan drew a picture of the Eiffel Tower in crayon and then claimed she built it.
Emma Watson is featured in the Burberry spring/summer 2010 ad campaign, and… meh. I mean, Emma is a very pretty girl and I’m pleased she’s gone back to slightly darker hair (I didn’t like her as a blonde; it washed her out), but why so glum? Her facial expressions here vary from “dead-eyed stare” to “halfhearted scowl” and I’m a little puzzled. She doesn’t have jacked up teeth or anything, so what’s with the moratorium on smiling?
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