Sep 21, 2009
Mariah Carey went on Oprah last week to hawk her new crappy album, and of course she dragged along her little kiss-ass husband Nick Cannon on the stage so they could prove their love to the masses before his back gave out. The Daily Mail says
They shared an exaggerated smooch as Nick bent her over, before an uncomfortable looking Mariah stopped him, saying: ‘Don’t drop me!’
Hey, that picture reminds me of this joke I once heard: How fat is Mariah Carey? Mariah Carey’s so fat, she fell in love — and it broke. Ha ha! Of course, when I first heard the joke, it was actually about yo momma. Try not to take it so personally.
Sep 9, 2009
You know what? I get it. Megan Fox, you are gorgeous. Megan Fox, you are sexy. Megan Fox, you love having sex. Megan Fox, you love to pretend like you’re that nerdy sexy girl that makes every all the guys wet their collective shorts. But Megan Fox, you really suck at false modesty. Don’t go pretending like you think you could possibly look fat. Us Magazine says,
Megan Fox promises she’ll never be involved in a sex tape scandal. Why? She’ll never make one.
“Ugh, never!” the Jennifer’s Body star, 23, tells MTV News. “That’s the last thing I want to see — what I look like having sex. It would take one shot of me not looking good and I would not be able to have sex ever again, because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex.”
God, I hate her. She reminds me of those girls in high school who were so freakishly perfect, yet they needed constant reassurance that they were indeed perfect. Ugh. Stick a Twinkie in it, bitch.
Leaving Casa Del Mar Hotel in Santa Monica after a long press meeting, looking decidedly non-hippo-ish:
Jun 25, 2009
Katy Perry posted the above picture of herself naked with a tray of pizza on Twitter yesterday, along with a digitally altered fat picture and the comment
“Why is it that after not eating for three days all I can think of is food… food is smiling at me… luring me with sexual seduction.”
Who cares. All I want to know is where the hell she got that pizza. The lady at Domino’s just hung up on me when I asked for a deep dish cheese lover’s with sausage and extra boobies.
Jun 2, 2009
Oh look, here’s something you don’t see every day–an angry, fat, ugly lesbian! And according Beth Ditto’s Wikipedia entry, a squirrel-eating, no-deodorant, hairy armpitted lesbian! Fatty angry! Fatty smash! Digital Spy gets in on the gorilla action:
Gossip frontwoman Beth Ditto has slammed Katy Perry for being “offensive to gay culture”.
Speaking to Attitude, the singer admitted that she was unhappy with the content of Perry’s signature track ‘I Kissed A Girl’.
“[It's an] anthem for straight girls who like to turn guys on by making out or faking gay,” she explained.
“I hate Katy Perry! I’m so offended. She’s just riding on the backs of our culture, without having to pay any of the dues and not being actually lesbian or anything at all.”
Ditto is not the first celebrity to criticise the track. Last year, Pink suggested that the song “trivialised being gay” and admitted that her gay girlfriends had been “kinda put off by it”.
Well of course she’s angry. I suspect the daughter of Jabba is all pissy because she knows she can’t get her doughnut-glazed lips near Katy Perry’s cooch. I think Katy is annoying as all hell, but at least she doesn’t make Susan Boyle look like a Jenny Craig spokeswoman.
Here’s pictures of Katy Perry instead because she’s not a sea cow:
