Chris Brown chose not to enter a plea yesterday to the two felony charges stemming from his vicious beating of singer Rihanna late last month. TMZ reports

The judge granted Brown’s request to move the arraignment to April 6th. It is unclear why [he] wanted to postpone the case — possibly to conduct further investigations or possibly to strike a plea deal.

Based on our information, it seems Brown wants to avoid a trial at all costs because the picture of Rihanna taken one day after the incident — which has not been seen anywhere publicly — is unbelievable.

Every time you think this story can’t get any worse, new details in the case emerge. TMZ gave a brief synopsis of the investigating detective’s notes yesterday, but after having read the actual police report myself, I’m afraid they didn’t do it justice. Directly from the detective’s notes (picking up after Brown attempted to push her out of the car and punched her in the mouth):

Brown resumed punching Robyn F and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She then bent over at the waist placing her elbows and face near her lap and in attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied by Brown. Brown continued to punch Robyn F on her left arm and hands, causing her to suffer a contusion on her left triceps that was approx 2 inches in diameter and numerous contusions on her left hand. Robyn F attempted to send another text message to other personal assistant Melissa Ford. Brown snatched the cellular telephone out of her hand and threw it out of the window to an unknown street. Brown continued driving and Robyn F observed his cellular phone in his lap. She picked up the cellular phone with her left hand, and before she could make a call, he placed her in a head lock with right hand and continued to drive the vehicle with his left hand.

Brown held Robyn F close to him and bit her on her left hear. She was able to feel the vehicle swerving from right to left as Brown sped away. He stopped the vehicle in front of [address] and Robyn F turned off the car removed the key from ignition and sat on it. Brown did not know what she did with the key and began punching her in the face and arms. Brown began applying pressure to Robyn F left and right carotid arteries causing her to be unable to breath. She began to lose consciousness. She reached up with her left hand and began to attempting to gauge his eyes in attempt to flee herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and released her. While brown continued to punch her she turned around a place her back to against the passenger door. She brought her knees to her chest and placed her feet against Brown’s body and began pushing him away.

Brown continued to punch her on legs and feet causing several contusions. Robyn F began screaming for help. And Brown exited the vehicle and walked away. A resident in the neighbor heard Robyn F’s plea for help and called 911, causing a police response.

God help him if that picture does leak. See pictures of her blood spattered inside Chris’ car here.

Chris Brown was formally charged with felony assault in a Los Angeles courtroom today for his February 8th beating of girlfriend Rihanna. TMZ reports

The L.A. County District Attorney has just charged Chris Brown with felony assault and making a criminal threat, also a felony. Brown will be arraigned today at 3:30 PM in downtown LA.

Given there were allegedly visible injuries, the crime of making criminal threats is punishable by up to nine years in prison.

Incidentally, LAPD detectives’ notes from a search warrant in the case were released today, and it’s worse than you initially thought. TMZ says

According to the notes, Rihanna read a three-page text message on Brown’s phone from a woman. An argument ensued and Brown allegedly tried forcing Rihanna out of the car but couldn’t because she was wearing her seat belt.

Brown then allegedly shoved Rihanna’s head against the passenger window. When Rihanna turned to face him, Brown punched her, then continued punching her while driving.

Blood spattered all over Rihanna’s clothing and in the interior of the car. Brown allegedly told Rihanna, “I’m going to beat the [shit] out of you when we get home. You wait and see.”

Rihanna called her assistant and left a message saying, “I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there.”

Brown then replied, “You just did the stupidest thing ever. I’m going to kill you.”

According to the report, Brown continued to punch Rihanna, bit her on her ear, her fingers and put her in a headlock — she almost lost consciousness.

Dear God. Surely this was the first time something like this had ever happened, right? Um… not exactly. According to The National Enquirer

[Rihanna] used makeup to cover up a bruised eye last summer, and confessed to pals that 19-year-old Brown had punched her.

Asked why she stayed with him, Rihanna told her friends: “When he hurts me, he’s a beast, but then he turns into my angel!”

I don’t know who I hate more right now. Chris Brown for being a woman-beating asswipe, or Rihanna for going back to him every time. He looks like Radio’s evil twin cousin and she’s like the retarded mouse that keeps going for the cheese in spite of the electric shocks. The only way this story has a happy ending is if Evil Radio eats Mouse Rihanna and then dies from Rat-Bite Fever. The end.

Adnan Ghalib was charged with three felonies yesterday after running over a man who was attempting to serve him with legal papers on behalf of Britney Spears. TMZ reports

The L.A. County District Attorney has charged Adnan with assault with a deadly weapon, battery, and hit and run — all felonies.

One law enforcement source says Ghalib hit the [process server], who landed on the hood, and then continued driving. The server jumped on the hood of Ghalib’s Mercedes to avoid being pinned against a trash truck.

Cops and paramedics were called. The victim broke his wrist and suffered cuts and bruises.

Prosecutors are asking for bail set at $110,000. If convicted, Ghalib could get seven years in prison.

Unfortunately, Adnan could not be charged with felony possession of mega-douchey chin pubes, as genital stylings worn on the face are not yet a crime in the U.S. It’s just one more example of another ne’er-do-well managing to slip through the cracks of the American penal system. But if it’s any consolation, the next time I use the words “penal” and “crack” in reference to Adnan, they’ll mean something else entirely. Maybe there is some justice in this world after all.