Drew Barrymore signed up for her third try at marriage, but before you say, “Who the fuck cares?”…oh wait. There isn’t any reason you should care. But you can at least stick around as a simple courtesy to me. Says Celebrity Fix,

Drew Barrymore is reportedly engaged to her art consultant boyfriend, Will Kopelman.

According to US Weekly Will popped the question in Sun Valley, Idaho, over the holidays, with a source telling the mag: “He’s madly in love and knows she’s The One.”

Drew and Will have been (publicly) dating since February last year, and a ‘pal’ of Drew’s told US in October that the 36-year-old is “yearning to get married and have kids.

I thought for a moment that I should go to the doctor and get tested for narcolepsy, because I was in the middle of reading this article and then the next thing I realized, I woke up with my face in my bowl of cereal. The only reason I’m not going is because this gig doesn’t provide medical benefits, so I figured if I posted it, and then asked if you had a similar reaction, then I could figure out if it was just me or if the story is really boring enough to make you spontaneously pass out. Let’s compare notes, shall we?

In a photoshoot by Amanda de Cadenet:

Despite champing at the bit to legally bind his ass to hers by the end of year, the Jessica Simpson has decided to put off her dream wedding to fiance Eric Johnson. And before you say anything, this has nothing to do with her weight… or does it? Dun dun DUN! Look, I’m trying to make this interesting. Work with me here. Go pound a beer and then come right back. Trust me, it helps. The NY Daily News says:

But instead of the bride having cold feet, some speculate Simpson is actually putting wedding plans on hold for some bigger news.

According to In Touch, the blond beauty is expecting her first child.

Simpson was reportedly so shocked when she first learned she was expecting via a home pregnancy test earlier this month, she took nine more tests to make sure.

“She’s already having kooky cravings which satisfy her urge for salty and sweet,” the friend added, listing nacho chips dipped in chocolate… among Simpson’s current favorites.

Where does one buy nacho chips dipped in chocolate, I wonder? Probably the same place you by bacon-wrapped sausage and beer-battered Twinkies. Arkansas.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

New York Yankees’ star Derek Jeter is ready to make an honest woman out of his girlfriend of one year, Friday Night Lights’ actress Minka Kelly. According to Page Six

“Derek and Minka are secretly engaged,” [said] an insider. The Yankee captain and the actress are telling close pals to “save the date” for nuptials in the fall. “The wedding is being planned and will take place after baseball season is over,” said our source.

Derek Jeter’s dated Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, and now he just landed Minka Kelly. When it comes to hot women, this guy sure knows how to catch ‘em! Too bad the same thing can’t be said about baseballs.

UPDATE: The NY Daily News is saying he isn’t engaged. And this commercial on the TV is saying that for just pennies on the dollar, I can own my own time share in the Jersey Shore! With prices this low, how can’t I afford not to commit to a lifetime of memories?

Minka in an Esquire photo shoot:

Brace yourself for the crazy: Britney Spears has gone brunette again. The Daily Mail says

Britney’s ever-changing hair has long been used as a barometer of her internal mood.

At the top of her game it was long, blonde and glossy – at her lowest it was shorn to reveal her bald scalp.

So, as she stepped out with rumored fiancé Jason Trawick [and a huge sparkling diamond on her ring finger], her newly brunette hair was bound to raise eyebrows.

You know, because dyeing her hair and marrying a member of her entourage worked out so well before. I guess some people just can’t bear to leave the familiar comfort of the previously-trodden path. Even if that path is actually a downward spiral into the gaping maw of public shame and humiliation. 2007, anyone?