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Kris Humphries is willing to go to court to get back the 20.5 carat diamond Lorraine Schwartz ring he gave to ex-wife (of 72 days) Kim Kardashian, who thus far has refused to return it. Radar Online says:

The basketball player scored a huge discount on the massive bauble, which was valued at a retail price of $2 million, but he still splashed out a cool $750,000 of his hard earned cash for the ring.

“Kris is adamant that he wants the ring back,” a source close to the situation [says]. “And it’s becoming a real sticking point between his and Kim’s attorneys. She has made it plain that she has no intention of returning it though and feels she is within her legal right to refuse as she went through with the wedding. However, Kris contends that the marriage was a total sham and that Kim only wed him for publicity so therefore she has no right to keep such an expensive gift.

“Kris doesn’t understand why Kim would even want to keep the ring anyway. It obviously has no sentimental value as she has publicly declared their wedding as ‘a huge mistake,’ so why doesn’t she just return it to him?”

Why? Because it will be worth twice as much when she sells it on Ebay under the guise of doing it for charity but actually retaining 90% of the profits, that’s why. The Kardashian business model never deviates.

Get a black jumpsuit like Kim’s here from Zac Posen. Maybe you could also find a mortician to do your makeup. Then you’d be twinsies!

Lindsay Lohan was arrested in the wee hours of the morning after punching some woman in the face at a New York City nightclub. TMZ says:

Law enforcement tells us prior to the fight words were exchanged between Lindsay and the woman as they sat in separate booths near each other. Lindsay said something to the effect of, “Give me my space.” Some time passed and then, for some reason, Lindsay allegedly punched the girl in the left side of her face.

We’re told by the time cops arrived Lindsay had left the club and was a passenger in a car that was leaving the area. Cops intercepted the car and made the arrest.

Lindsay was booked for 3rd degree misdemeanor assault… and released several hours after she was taken into custody.

God, I’m so tired of constantly rolling this dumb broad uphill in existential writer’s hell. Just let go and let God, Lindsay. It’s your time. Also I win like sixty bucks in the office celebrity death pool if you do it before the end of fiscal year 2013.

Five different mug shots is enough Lindsay Lohan for one post, so instead enjoy 90210′s Shanae Grimes in a see-through sweater like this one from Joie because I’m a giver:

The L.A. County Department of Child Protective Services is conducting an abuse investigation after Halle Berry’s boyfriend Olivier Martinez and her baby daddy Gabriel Aubry got into a physical altercation at her home last week. Radar Online says:

While dropping [daughter] Nahla off with Halle on Thanksgiving morning, Aubry got into a knock-down, drag-out brawl with Martinez.

The cops were called, and both men ended up getting treatment at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Aubry was booked on suspicion of misdemeanor battery, posted a $20,000 bond and has a December 13 court date.

“Detectives from the LAPD formally contacted CPS after Gabe’s arrest, because Nahla was present when the fight occurred,” a source close to the situation [reveals].

“Nahla wasn’t actually involved in the melee, however, DCFS was contacted because there has been a history of allegations of physical abuse. DCFS must ensure that Nahla’s environment is safe.”

I wouldn’t have guessed a fight between French actor and a male model would end up with so many black eyes and broken noses. A couple of chipped nails, maybe, because frantic head-turned eyes-closed slapping really does a number on the old cuticles. This is probably the most decisive victory for France since the days of Napoleon Bonaparte.

Get Halle’s drawstring t-shirt dress here in gray, and you probably shouldn’t wear a bra, either.

Lindsay Lohan and her mother Dina got into a drunken fistfight at four in the morning that ended with 911 being called (listen to the call she made to her father after it all went down here) and the cops showing up. TMZ says:

It started last night when the duo went to a nightclub in New York City. They left the club at around 4 AM and headed back to Dina’s home in Long Island.

Lindsay and Dina started arguing in the car and it escalated when they got home. It became physical [and] there was property damage that occurred during the scuffle.

Sources close to Lindsay [say] Dina was “wasted” at the nightclub. The fight started when Lindsay wanted to take her limo to her NYC hotel, but Dina wanted to take it to her home in Long Island to avoid paying for a taxi. Somehow Dina prevailed, over the intense protests of her daughter. Dina scratched Lindsay’s leg in the process.

Cops took a Domestic Incident Report but no arrests were made.

This is just one more example of natural selection dropping the ball. But when you try to help natural selection out and give it a little direction, everybody always freaks out and the prosecuting attorney tries to brand you a eugenicist for the rest of your life.

Get a silk dress like Lindsay’s in red from Asos here.

American Idol executives halted filming in Charlotte, North Carolina yesterday after Nicki Minaj allegedly threatened and swore at fellow judge Mariah Carey when they disagreed over a contestant (listen to the fight here). According to TMZ:

It all went down while the two were sitting at the judge’s table with Keith Urban sitting in between them and Randy Jackson sitting on the far end, next to Mariah.

Nicki: Get this shit in self control. Get in control. Get in control.
Randy: Settle down, settle down
Nicki: Don’t lose your head. Don’t lose your head (inaudible). Don’t tell me I’m a gangster.
Nicki: (inaudible) every 5 minutes. So every time you patronize me, I’m-ma take it back, and if you’ve got a fucking problem, handle it.
Nicki: I told them I’m not fuckin’ putting up with her fucking highness over there. Figure it the fuck out. Figure it out.
Nicki: I’m not gonna sit here every fucking minute to have you come down and harass me every minute everyday.

Producers ended the auditions for the day so the two judges could cool down.

Big wigs on the show seem uncharacteristically upset by the blow up. It seems producers are worried about Mariah and Nicki co-existing for the long haul.

Oh, I’m sure the Fox is real worried. They couldn’t have known that pairing two sassy, independent black women together might not work out so well. Come on. I’ve seen enough Springer to know what happens next. Someone gets all her fronts busted out and someone breaks a chair over someone’s head. This is nothing but a cheap publicity stunt dreamed up by Ryan Seacrest in the hopes of keeping American Idol relevant. Nicki wouldn’t recognize musical talent if Elton John came up and sat on her face.

Mariah in a cropped leather jacket like this one from Day Birger et Nikkelson (don’t worry, it doesn’t have the hideous ruffles or pleats) in JFK airport last week:

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