Singer Lily Allen pulled an Amy Winehouse early this morning, tossing a couple of drunken punches at a fellow club-goer after an all-night drinking session in Soho. The Daily Mail says

Lily reacted after being heckled as she left Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club at 2am. With a short reach, the punch appeared to fail to connect. The singer’s friends managed to restrain Lily, persuading her to get into a car. Lily’s target appeared to laugh off the attack, looking more bemused than terrified.

I always imagined getting hit by drunken chubby girl fists would feel like being pummeled by two giant marshmallows. Two sweaty, out-of-breath marshmallows that smell like donuts and shame. Frankly, I’ve seen better right hooks crocheting a sweater. Lily Allen ain’t got nothin’ on my grandma.

Not like you haven’t seen it 4,307 times before, but a nip slip in #5:

Shanna Moakler chucked a drink in Kim Kardashian’s face and called her a whore at Carmen Electra’s party in Malibu Sunday night. Girl fight! Girl fight! The argument apparently stemmed from emails Kim sent to Moakler’s ex-husband Travis Barker while she was modeling for his hideous clothing line “Famous Stars and Craps Straps.” Shanna claims that Kimmy wanted more from Barker than just a little “modeling work.” According to Page Six

“[Kim] was sending him text messages and e-mails… when Travis and I were working on [staying together],” Moakler [said]. “She was blatantly disrespectful. [I] wouldn’t even have gone to the party if [I] had known [Kim] was going to be there. I was going to leave, but I’m a human being. I get upset. I wasn’t drunk. She ruined my marriage and my family.”

Kardashian retaliated on Monday by strolling around in a T-shirt from Barker’s line in front of the paparazzi.

“It was in the poorest of taste,” said Moakler.

This chick right here (yes, those would be her panties) has some serious balls pushing the “bad taste” label on anybody. Look, I hate Kim Kardashian as much as the next girl, but come on. Shanna looks like she just got off the day shift at The Taint Bucket. As they say in Greece, it’s a classic case of the “είπε ο γάιδαρος τον πετεινό κεφάλα.” Loosely translated, that’s “The donkey calling the rooster a fathead.” I couldn’t find any Grecian colloquialisms that included the words “cum-stain” and “slutbag,” but I figure “donkey” and “fat-head” work pretty good here, too.

In the “poor taste” t-shirt: