“Hairy Angel” Susan Boyle was admitted to Priory clinic in London yesterday for an “emotional breakdown” after losing Britain’s Got Talent to dance troop Diversity on Saturday. According to The Sun

The 48-year-old virgin… was rushed to the private clinic suffering from exhaustion.

Show aides had contacted police to say she was acting strangely at her London hotel. Paramedics helped the “spaced-out” star through the lobby and into an ambulance just after 6pm.

A Britain’s Got Talent spokeswoman said: “Following Saturday’s show, Susan is exhausted and emotionally drained. We offer her our ongoing support and wish her a speedy recovery.”

What could have left her so “exhausted” and “emotionally drained,” you ask?

Earlier, she had launched into a furious four-letter outburst when told her glittering stage costume had failed to arrive just 15 minutes before she was due to appear on stage… [and] sank into the arms of producers before starting to cry.

For the record, she wasn’t bleeding to death after a forced female circumcision or being marched at gunpoint into a mass grave; her sparkly dress was a little late for the singing show. If beating old people wasn’t such a cultural taboo, I’d give her a “dream to dream” with the back side of a tire iron.

The winners being announced on the show’s finale after the jump

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In case you missed it, the finale of American Idol was last night, and everyone’s all up in arms because that one gay dude didn’t win. NY Daily News says

Kris Allen managed to pull off the upset of a lifetime. Going into the finale, there was talk of “red state-blue state” politics at work, with [Adam] Lambert’s painted fingernails, “guyliner,” and uncertain sexuality against Allen’s down-home, churchgoing sensibilities.

Seriously, I couldn’t care less about this if it were swathed in Charmin and floating in my toilet. So instead, enjoy a video of “Bikini Girl” Katrina Darrell’s triumphant bikini-clad return last night, where she was joined on stage by judge Kara DioGuardi for a rousing rendition of Mariah Carey’s “Vision of Love.” And by “rousing” I mean “Katrina rips open her dress and reveals her bikini at then end.” It’s the only part of the finale that won’t make you want to stab your own eyes out.

Big news today for “E.R.” fans — George Clooney will be returning for the show’s big finale. According to People Magazine

Sources [say] that ER co-creator John Wells has ordered a closed set to keep Clooney’s appearance under wraps. It’s not known how many episodes will feature Clooney as the show films its final season.

I was so excited when I heard this. Finally, an actor worthy enough to wear the bejeweled belt of Beloth the Wise! Someone with enough emotional depth to play Murtagh, son of Morzan, last of the Forsworn! You know, because the first movie sucked so hard. But then my mom told me that “E.R.” stood for “Emergency Room,” not for “Eragon Returns,” and that I should get a job and get off the goddamn computer already. She may have bested me this time, but she will never learn my true name in the ancient language and be able to control my life! Victory is mine!

On the set of “Men Who Stare at Goats”: