There’s a new cafeteria lady in town, and she wears stilettos and weighs the same as your 5th grader. Says Digital Spy,

Victoria Beckham has revealed that she loves to help out at her children’s school.

The former Spice Girl explained that she has volunteered in the classroom and cafeteria in the past because she loves spending time with sons Brooklyn, 11, Romeo, 7, and Cruz, 4.

Beckham told Glamour: “I travel a fair amount, and when I’m here in LA, everything revolves around the kids. So if I’m not working, I go to the school and help serve lunches to the children. They just love that. It’s like, ‘Oh, there’s Mummy serving me!’

Gee, I wonder if the school required her to fill out an application and have a background check done to volunteer, and get a food handler’s certificate? Yeah, I don’t think so either. Though it would probably be entertaining to see Victoria Beckham serving lunches, because you know she’d be serving like, three bite’s worth of food. And don’t even mention the fat kids. She’d probably give them a salad sprinkled with laxative or something.

Shopping at the Grove:

Don’t make fun of skinny girl Victoria Beckham! She might attack you with her Clavicle of Doom! Says Now Magazine:

Victoria Beckham is tired of people criticising her about her weight.

The former Spice Girl insists she’s not concerned about her small frame.

‘Of course I eat,’ she says. ‘I’ve been accused of not eating for 10 years. If I hadn’t eaten for 10 years, I’d be hungry…

‘I think there’s a big difference between someone having an eating disorder and someone who is controlled about what they eat.

‘I think I could do with putting on some weight but this is the way I am.’

Victoria admits she finds the jibes distressing.

‘I’m not anorexic or bulimic and I’m not a skeleton,’ she protests. ‘It’s so upsetting. I’m seven and a half stone. I’m very fit and healthy and I feel great.

‘I haven’t changed what I eat. I just feel my metabolism has changed as I’ve got older.’

“If I hadn’t eaten for 10 years, I’d be hungry…”? No, actually, you’d kind of be dead, Einstein. Of course you eat something. I bet she really chows down on some high-calorie watercress sandwiches, (hold the butter, cream cheese and bread). I bet she eats enough to sustain a 3 year-old Ethiopian. Nowadays, she could probably eat circles around Michael Jackson. Madam, you make me ill with your unbridled gluttony. I bid you good day!

Katy Perry posted the above picture of herself naked with a tray of pizza on Twitter yesterday, along with a digitally altered fat picture and the comment

“Why is it that after not eating for three days all I can think of is food… food is smiling at me… luring me with sexual seduction.”

Who cares. All I want to know is where the hell she got that pizza. The lady at Domino’s just hung up on me when I asked for a deep dish cheese lover’s with sausage and extra boobies.