Keira Knightley’s latest ad campaign for Chanel’s Coco Mademoiselle has been unveiled, and the boob they use in the photo (right) does not belong to Keira Knightley (left). I know for a fact that’s not what her tits look like. And not just because I look through her window with a high-powered infrared telescope from a park a mile due south of her flat, either. That’s just a lucky coincidence. Like they say, the proof is in the pudding!*

_{* Which I also know for a fact she doesn’t eat, thanks to my handy telescope.}

Actress Halle Berry has finally broken into the celebrity fragrance market after two years of researching and studying the art of perfumery. According to the Daily Mail

Halle [said, "My new fragrance] is very sensual, very natural, very much reflective of the outdoors. The top notes of the scent are Sicilian bergamot, fig leaves and pear blossom. I added olibanum, which is an African root, which brings spice to the fragrance, and sandalwood, which smooths everything out and makes it yummy.”

I guess she felt she had to include something indicative of her African heritage to make the perfume truly authentic. Good thing she went with a root instead of Congo-Crimean Hemorrhagic Fever or malaria. I don’t know how well they’d translate with such heavy floral base notes.

Looking gorgeous as usual at the Black Women in Hollywood Awards:

Baboon/drag queen hybrid Christina Aguilera launched her new fragrance “Inspire” at the Herald Square Macy’s in New York yesterday. As always, her tits were front and center. Well, not so much center, exactly. Maybe front and “decidedly askew.” Front and “one at five; one at nine.” Front and “you need to fucking sue your plastic surgeon already because you could piece together chunks of RuPaul blindfolded using nothing but silly putty and a caulking gun and it’d still look more like a woman than you ever will, you hideous silicone freak of nature.” Ah, semantics, shemantics!