Adam Lambert wants you to know that his father is totally cool with his son’s simulated oral sex and S&M-laden shitty performance at the American Music Awards. Don’t you wish your dad was that hip and with it? MTV.com goes on,
The “Idol” runner-up also took some time to clear up rumors that have been floating around about him. “I haven’t started a makeup line. I might, but I haven’t yet,” he said. “My father was rumored to be mortified by what I did [at the 'American Music Awards'] and that we’re not speaking. That’s a rumor. … I think Bill O’Reilly perpetuated that. Lovely man. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion. [My dad and I] were laughing about it … so that was a rumor.”
Dad’s a real pal. I bet he washes his butt plugs for him and everything.
Here he is at the Z100 Jingle Ball, looking like a complete tool.
So, you’re a man, and you go to the firing range to chill out, blow off some steam, maybe. What other activity might you engage in in between firing off a few rounds? Do you:
A. Burp
B. Scratch your balls
C. Ask the instructor for some tips
D. Pose like a pansy for some pictures and upload them to Twitter.
If you’re Spencer Pratt, you most energetically circle D. I’m still waiting for the next photo, where his firearm accidentally discharges while he pretends to suck it off. I’m waaaitiiing….
Adam Lambert wants you to know that’s he not sorry about his controversial performance at the American Music Awards Sunday night; he’s sorry for you and your pathetic close-minded hate-mongering square-iness that can’t look true artistic greatness in the eye and accept it for what it is. He told Access Hollywood
“I’m not an artist that does things for every single person. I believe in artistic freedom and expression, I believe in honoring the lyrics of a song. If [my performance is] edited [for west coast viewers], that’s discrimination. There’s a big double standard, female pop artists have been doing things provocative like that for years, and the fact that I’m a male, and I’ll be edited and discriminated against.
People are scared and it’s really sad, I just wish people could open their minds up… it’s really not that big of a deal.”
Simulating oral sex and S&M isn’t pushing the envelope musically. It’s just a trite and pedestrian attempt at disguising crap as art. You really want to cross boundaries, try working free form jazz and the spoons into a couple of your songs. Now that would be a true testament to talent!
Nobody watches Gossip Girl no matter how much they push the envelope or gay it up. Point in question: Hilary Duff and Jessica Szohr’s “lesbian kiss” on Monday night’s episode. You won’t find word one about it in any magazine. I’m sure some outraged parents sent in a few spittle-flecked emails to the CW, but everybody knows that what old people say doesn’t count. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ve kissed my own stepmother with more erotic verve and passion. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. It was late night and I had been drinking, okay? Who are you to judge me?
John Mayer wants you to know he didn’t kiss a guy at a gay bar in Palm Springs. US Magazine explains,
The singer, 31, took to his Twitter page to clarify tumors.
“Rumor check: went to gay bar in Palm Springs, yes. Had a blast. Danced my face off,” he began. “Someone there planted a kiss on me? No.”
Mayer — who once locked lips with celeb blogger Perez Hilton - then added, “I don’t like the story painting gays as unable to control themselves. Found the crowd even more respectful than in a straight club. You know who the most flamboyant crowd is? Straight, drunk girls. They’re like a bunch of little Charles Nelson Reillys.”
He is a goddamned LIAR. How do I know? He said he danced his face off, but from what I can tell, his fugly mug is still intact. Zing!
It’s long-been rumored that Queen Latifah is really a lesbian, but these pictures of her partying with lady strippers in a Jersey penthouse ought to pretty much seal the deal for any doubters out there. The National Enquirer says
The wild party was held at together on a regular basis for drinks. “Queen Latifah is a part of the regular group, and she was egging on the strippers to be as outrageous as they could be,” said the source.
“The strippers who were invited to the gathering happily joined the party after they performed. There’s a lot of drinking at these gathering and lots of music. Some of the ladies get so amorous that they pair off together.”
Wow. Photoshop in a couple of little girls with their eyes stitched shut doing a backwards crab walk and that picture pretty much constitutes everything my nightmares are made of.
In case you didn’t think the new G.I. Joe movie sucked hard enough, “star” Channing Tatum is bringing a new kind of shame to the the table — the naked kind. Best served warm and in your face! Us Magazine says
[We have] obtained a video of Channing Tatum, 29, dancing in a Chippendales-style revue called “Male Encounter” in 1999.
Then 18, the star performed under the alias Chan Crawford.
He was so impressive [during his year-long stint in a now-defunct Florida nightclub] that he caught the eye of a female casting agent who put him in Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” music video.
So from all-male review to Ricky Martin’s casting couch. How’s that for climbing the proverbial ladder? Jacob’s ladder (NSFW), that is. I’d say any ladder having to do with some dude’s freshly shorn ball sack is probably a safe bet here.
Look at these pictures and tell me this guy’s not gay:
The Greeks use the word “philia” to describe the kind of love shared between lifelong friends, but “Greek” is also what prostitutes say when they’re talking about doing anal. I’ll let you decide what kind of Greek action is going on in this picture of Owen Wilson and Woody Harrelson, but unless I’ve been doing it wrong all this time, I’m pretty sure that qualifies as spooning. All the perks of doggy style without any of the impersonality!
Less gay pics of Hayden Panettiere swimming with dolphins in a Whaleman Foundation documentary:
Oh look, here’s something you don’t see every day–an angry, fat, ugly lesbian! And according Beth Ditto’sWikipedia entry, a squirrel-eating, no-deodorant, hairy armpitted lesbian! Fatty angry! Fatty smash!Digital Spy gets in on the gorilla action:
Gossip frontwoman Beth Ditto has slammed Katy Perry for being “offensive to gay culture”.
Speaking to Attitude, the singer admitted that she was unhappy with the content of Perry’s signature track ‘I Kissed A Girl’.
“[It's an] anthem for straight girls who like to turn guys on by making out or faking gay,” she explained.
“I hate Katy Perry! I’m so offended. She’s just riding on the backs of our culture, without having to pay any of the dues and not being actually lesbian or anything at all.”
Ditto is not the first celebrity to criticise the track. Last year, Pink suggested that the song “trivialised being gay” and admitted that her gay girlfriends had been “kinda put off by it”.
Well of course she’s angry. I suspect the daughter of Jabba is all pissy because she knows she can’t get her doughnut-glazed lips near Katy Perry’s cooch. I think Katy is annoying as all hell, but at least she doesn’t make Susan Boyle look like a Jenny Craig spokeswoman.
Here’s pictures of Katy Perry instead because she’s not a sea cow:
Miss California Carrie Prejean might have taken an unpopular stance against gay marriage, but it’s come to light that her own mother feels a bit differently. Turns out ol’ Mommy Prejean is all about the poonanny herself! According to Star Magazine
Miss California USA’s own mother, Francine Coppola, was entangled in a lesbian love affair right up until the night Carrie placed second in the Miss USA contest!
Openly gay sales rep Valerie Vetrano tells Star exclusively, “Yes, Francine and I dated.”
Francine’s family knew nothing of her affair, although during her 1996 divorce from Carrie’s father both made gay allegations against the other.
I was going to try to find a lesbian spin on that old saying “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones,” but you’d be surprised how few metaphors out there reference patchouli and long-sleeved flannel.
At a press conference with Donald Trump and Shanna Moakler:
The woman selected by Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick as the surrogate for their twin girls is a self-proclaimed “bisexual rocker.” According to the Daily Mail
Michelle Ross, who has previously acted as a surrogate mother for a New York gay couplel, is reportedly due to give birth in July.
Her MySpace profile reveals, ‘I have had pink hair and tattoos and spiked collars. My favourite shoes are five-inch black spike heels which lace up the front. I love metal and rock down to the bones.’
Michelle has a tattoo on one of her wrists of an overlapped pink and blue triangle, a symbol for bisexuality. On MySpace Ross identifies herself as ‘bi[sexual].’
Well, if Matthew couldn’t carry the twins to term himself, I suppose an ugly gay woman is probably the next best thing. The twins will probably never even know the difference, anyway.
With son James Wilke Broderick in the West Village this week:
Robert Pattinson really flexes the old acting chops with this guy-on-guy kiss in a scene from his upcoming movie, “Little Ashes.” Yep, I’m sure it was a real stretch for him to play gay. Expect to see him in other equally challenging roles such as “angst-riddled teenage fop” and “Pillsbury Dough Boy come magically to life.” I think I smell an Oscar!*
*Or perhaps that’s just Javier Beltrán’s upper lip.
You know how I know that you’re gay? You’re looking at these pictures of Robert in GQ:
