You can wrinkle up your nose with disgust and tell me you think Gerard Butler is a douchebag, but we both know we’d let him hit it. Come on now. Don’t lie. There’s just something about him… you can tell he’s a one-man carnival ride for sluts. I’d just make sure there was a syringe full of penicillin within arm’s reach before I took off my pants.

On the set of “Of Men and Mavericks” yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Well, look what the free clinic dragged in — it’s Lindsay Lohan and Gerard Butler! If you’re suddenly overcome by the smell of ball sweat and Astroglide, just put your head between your knees until the nausea passes. The Daily Mail says

They were famously spotted kissing at a lavish party in Morocco last year and now Lindsay Lohan has found her way back into Gerard Butler’s arms.

The Scottish actor, 40, and the 23-year-old Mean Girls met up at a mutual friend’s pool party in Beverly Hills over the weekend.

The pair seemed pleased to be reacquainted, giving each other a warm embrace on the balcony. The pair spent much of the night dancing and flirting… before eventually leaving the party together.

Somebody alert the CDC and the World Health Organization, because letting the two of them swap genital juices leaves us wide open for a new strain of superhuman STD that can’t be contained with our paltry “antibiotics” and “vaccines.” Unless Trojan makes condoms out of Plutonium, prepare for an epidemic outbreak of VD the likes of which the world has never known.

Because “Love Muscle Milk” sounds like code for semen:

Do you ever wonder what Jennifer Aniston’s been doing the last 5 years since she split from Brad Pitt? No, it’s not “a string of dead-end relationships and lackluster films”. Digital Spy clues us in to the truth:

Jennifer Aniston has revealed that she would consider having botox.

The 41-year-old actress, who split from ex-husband Brad Pitt in 2005, said that she now feels that it is time to start again after five years of “spring cleaning”.

When asked what she thinks about botox, Aniston told Harper’s Bazaar magazine: “I could do it. These lines are getting deeper every day.

“These lines are just about living. Look, I eat really well and I work out, but I also indulge when I want to. I don’t starve myself in an extremist way. You’re not taking away my coffee or my dairy or my glass of wine because I’d be devastated.

“The last five years have been about spring cleaning for me. Now it’s time for my rebirth. I love trying new things. I just can’t be put in a box.”

Really? I thought the never-been-the-same-since-her-husband-left-her-for-Angie-and-stuck-in-a-non-committed-relationship-cycle-all-while-wearing-black-to-mourn-your-lost-life box fit pretty damn well. Huh. Go figure.

On her never-ending tour to promote “The Bounty Hunter” in Madrid with Gerard Butler:

Jennifer Aniston resumed clinging to Gerard Butler’s thigh like a three-year old who doesn’t want to go to bed at the New York premiere of the “The Bounty Hunter” last night. The Daily Mail says

There was an element to the night which was far more predictable – her over-the-top display of friendly affection with co-star Gerrard Butler.

It’s a familiar sight for seasoned red carpet watchers, who have seen [her] put on similar displays at the U.K. premiere in London last week and as far back as the Golden Globes in January.

It has lead skeptics to brand the union a ‘showmance’ – a fake romance designed to generate buzz about the movie, which by early accounts, needs all the help it can get to achieve box office success.

I, for one, don’t think Jen is staging these pics to heighten interest in her predictably shitty movie. Not at all. I think she’s staging these pics for maximum photoshop-potential later on, like in the header, where she could easily photoshop a wedding dress on herself and icing and cake crumbs around her mouth, and Gerard could be holding a piece of wedding cake that he just shoved in her mouth, and she could caption it, “Ooh, this guy right here!” and put little hearts and wedding bell stickers all around it. Most of us don’t scrapbook our imaginary weddings, so we really can’t be expected understand how it works.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

National poet of Scotland Robert Burns famously said, “When matters are desperate we must put on a desperate face.” I never really knew what that might look like until I saw these pics of Jennifer Aniston at “The Bounty Hunter” premiere last night. Jesus Christ. She stopped just short of humping Gerard Butler’s leg right there on the red carpet. I’ve seen Haitian immigrants strapped to driftwood that didn’t look that desperate.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

Jennifer Aniston and her “The Bounty Hunter” co-star Gerard Butler did a sweaty desert shoot for next month’s W Magazine, and from what I can tell, Jennifer is supposed to be the prostitute and Gerard the john in the pictorial. Like in this picture, where she’s counting the cash, and then this one, where she’s being hauled away by the cops. In real life, Jennifer would never waste valuable time counting money. She’d be too busy scouring the seats for any residual semen that she could scrape into a test tube and take to a lab. I guess the photographers at W Magazine were going for a tongue-in-cheek kinda thing.

Jennifer Aniston’s family-less vacation in Mexico wouldn’t be complete unless she threw herself a “surprise” birthday party. A source told Page Six

“On Saturday, the staff lit 65 candles for her on the terrace of her villa, where all her guests, including Gerard, dined and drank, before a Mariachi band sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to her in Spanish and she was presented with a dark chocolate cake decorated with her star sign, Aquarius.”

It’s the little details that make a birthday party really special, isn’t it? Especially if the one providing all the details is the same one whose birthday party it is, because God knows no husband or children are going to throw her one since she doesn’t have any and it’s gonna be that way for the rest of her life anyway because she’s the relational equivalent of leprosy. I wonder how many Mexican cooks it took to convince her that “desperate” wasn’t a real cake flavor.

Bikini time:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

According to Star, Reese Witherspoon and Gerard Butler might be having “secret hookups”:

“Reese’s friends are giggling about her secretly meeting up with Gerard. She thinks he’s superhot!” a friend of the actress told Star. “Reese is just having a good time with him. They’ve hung out a few times, mostly at his place in L.A.”

The two showed an interest in each other after producers at New Line Cinema approached them a few months ago to read scripts together for a new movie. “New Line thought Reese and Gerard would make a hot on-screen couple,” said the friend.

“They got very chatty while reading the scripts, and there was noticeable chemistry. After that reading, they started talking and hanging out.”

They most recently met up on Jan. 22 at an after party for the Hope for Haiti Now fund-raiser at L.A.’s Sunset Tower Hotel. But the friend says that Reese, 33, isn’t looking for anything serious with the 40-year-old actor, especially since she still cares for ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal.

“Reese doesn’t want to hurt Jake’s feelings and doesn’t want him to know about her and Gerard. She’s not interested in taking it a step further with Gerard — and that’s how she wants to keep it.”

Keep in mind that this rumour is from Star, so it’s probably somewhere between a bald-faced lie and a blatant fabrication.  It’d be pretty funny if it were true, though.  I like Reese Witherspoon, but she’s long been rumoured to be a notoriously tight-ass control freak, whereas Gerard Butler is a total whore.  But hey, after a breakup, what girl doesn’t want a meaningless fling with a guy who’ll screw her eyeballs right out of her head?  Go nuts, Reese.  Just make sure he double bags it.  I mean, that dude’s been everywhere.

Are Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler an item again? And — more importantly — do you even give a shit? Yeah, I thought not. The NY Post says

The pair, who dated during the filming of “The Bounty Hunter” last summer, presented the best screenplay award together at the Golden Globes on Sunday night and repeatedly posed for photographs together. But a spy [says] that the real action was backstage.

“They were drinking [champagne] backstage,” says our spy. “At one point, they were making out in the kitchen. They were attached at the hip all night. They definitely seemed very couple-y. Producers for the show were actually laughing about it over their walkie-talkies.”

Nothing like a little bubbly to rekindle the flames of passion! I of course mean the “burning when you pee” kind of flames of passion. With Gerard Butler, that usually goes without saying.

Gerard with his old bag earlier this month — and I’m not talking about Jennifer Aniston. Zing!

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online, Bauer-Griffin Online

The 2010 Golden Globe Awards were last night.  We could kill some time talking about them, but nobody really cares about the actual awards.  Let’s just cut to the chase and take a look at what all the ladies were wearing, shall we?

Halle Berry:

Christina Hendricks:

Jennifer Aniston (with Gerard Butler):

Nicole Kidman (with Mo’Nique):

Diane Kruger (with Joshua Jackson):

Mariah Carey (with her wife Nick Cannon):

(more…)

Unless your name is William Wallace and it’s the latter half of the 13th century or you’re a hot sixteen-year old girl enrolled in Catholic school, your ass has no business in a kilt. Case in point: Gerard Butler at the UK premiere of his new movie “Law Abiding Citizen.” If I want to see big ol’ knobby knees covered in hair, I’ll just start wearing shorts again, thank you very much.

Make sure to check out Gerard’s impressive wiener medallion, or as it’s known in the Highland vernacular, “sporran”:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Jennifer Aniston blah blah blah zzzzzzzz blah blah Gerard Butler. According to the Daily Mail

“Jen and Gerry went out on Saturday night [and] had cocktails. They were hand in hand,” [said] a source.

The pair were pictured onset sharing a tender moment between takes as Gerard couldn’t keep his hands off the Friends star while she had her make-up reapplied.

The ‘lovey-dovey’ couple have [also] been seen stealing kisses in between scenes and are spending their free time in Jennifer’s trailer.

Holy shit. Did she just come in on a streetcar named Desire? She needs to take a page from Blanche DuBois and steer clear of direct sunlight. Hell, of anything more than a forty-watt bulb and a filter lens. And also any rough-neck Pollacks considering themselves a dismantler of social hierarchies and societal pretense. You know, just to be safe.

Filming The Bounty in NYC with Gerard and some pumped-up lips: