Unrepentant man-whore Gerard Butler spent his weekend in Palm Springs scouring Coachella for any and every young piece of ass willing to accompany him into a port-o-potty for some lovin. Page Six says:

The Scottish heartthrob still can’t seem to control his love for the ladies. At the T-Mobile Neon Carnival on Saturday, Butler led his mystery brunette out into the open air for a seductive slow dance in an empty patch of pavement. “The two were grinding like they were at a middle school dance,” says our spy. “He didn’t care who was watching.”

After their spin, our spy watched Butler accompany his dance partner to the Porta-Potties before they returned to the carnival-themed bash.

Ugh. I don’t know about you, but I got a UTI just reading that.

Vanessa Hudgens doing some stupid hippie shit with her new BF at Coachella:

Gerard Butler is every kind of dirty I can think of — like “make him wear two condoms and douche with hydrogen peroxide after it’s over” kinda dirty — but his sheer animal magnetism is seemingly irresistible to women, particularly married ones. Radar Online says:

The hunky actor became involved with [a married] wanna-be actress/model last year and carried on an affair with her for several months. Butler was friends with the woman and her husband before becoming sexually involved with her.

“It was a very intense relationship. She had very strong feelings for Gerard, despite the fact that she was a newlywed at the time,” a source close to the situation [said]. “They would exchange heated text messages, emails and phone calls. She would drop anything to be with Gerard. The two would hook-up at his hotel when he was in Los Angeles.”

The woman’s husband eventually found out about the affair and threatened to divorce her but she begged for another chance.

“She told her husband she would end things with Gerard and he agreed to give her another chance,” the insider says. “However, the affair continued and she decided to file for divorce. She thought Gerard wanted to be in a relationship with her but then she found out he was involved with other girls, and hadn’t been exactly honest with her about what was going on in his life.”

Why is it that married women having affairs can still be genuinely surprised to discover that the men they’re cheating with are also cheating on them? Hey, dummies: if he cheats with you, he’ll cheat ON you. Fact. There is no honor among thieves. But hey, at least she has those six different strains of penicillin-resistant STDs to remember him by. It would be a shame if she didn’t have a little momento of their special time together.

Oh, and speaking of models, that reminds me… more of Bar Refaeli in her Passionata and Aqua Bendita bikinis:

Gerard Butler is expected to check out of the Betty Ford Center later today after completing a three-week stay for a dependence on prescription painkillers. TMZ says:

Butler’s problems were triggered by the physical demands of shooting “300″ in 2006. We’re told the actor began struggling with pain management, and the problem became exacerbated while filming “Of Men and Mavericks,” when Butler was badly hurt on December 18 during a surfing accident.

Butler realized he was relying too much on prescription drugs and decided to head off a full-blown addiction by entering Betty Ford three weeks ago.

Sources [say that] Butler also developed issues with cocaine, but the root problem appears to be the injuries and pain management.

Butler will be leaving Betty Ford later today.

Ten bucks says it wasn’t a “surfing injury,” but that the sex swing broke when the rest of the girls tried to climb on. It’s Gerard Butler we’re talking about here.

You can wrinkle up your nose with disgust and tell me you think Gerard Butler is a douchebag, but we both know we’d let him hit it. Come on now. Don’t lie. There’s just something about him… you can tell he’s a one-man carnival ride for sluts. I’d just make sure there was a syringe full of penicillin within arm’s reach before I took off my pants.

On the set of “Of Men and Mavericks” yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Well, look what the free clinic dragged in — it’s Lindsay Lohan and Gerard Butler! If you’re suddenly overcome by the smell of ball sweat and Astroglide, just put your head between your knees until the nausea passes. The Daily Mail says

They were famously spotted kissing at a lavish party in Morocco last year and now Lindsay Lohan has found her way back into Gerard Butler’s arms.

The Scottish actor, 40, and the 23-year-old Mean Girls met up at a mutual friend’s pool party in Beverly Hills over the weekend.

The pair seemed pleased to be reacquainted, giving each other a warm embrace on the balcony. The pair spent much of the night dancing and flirting… before eventually leaving the party together.

Somebody alert the CDC and the World Health Organization, because letting the two of them swap genital juices leaves us wide open for a new strain of superhuman STD that can’t be contained with our paltry “antibiotics” and “vaccines.” Unless Trojan makes condoms out of Plutonium, prepare for an epidemic outbreak of VD the likes of which the world has never known.

Because “Love Muscle Milk” sounds like code for semen:

Do you ever wonder what Jennifer Aniston’s been doing the last 5 years since she split from Brad Pitt? No, it’s not “a string of dead-end relationships and lackluster films”. Digital Spy clues us in to the truth:

Jennifer Aniston has revealed that she would consider having botox.

The 41-year-old actress, who split from ex-husband Brad Pitt in 2005, said that she now feels that it is time to start again after five years of “spring cleaning”.

When asked what she thinks about botox, Aniston told Harper’s Bazaar magazine: “I could do it. These lines are getting deeper every day.

“These lines are just about living. Look, I eat really well and I work out, but I also indulge when I want to. I don’t starve myself in an extremist way. You’re not taking away my coffee or my dairy or my glass of wine because I’d be devastated.

“The last five years have been about spring cleaning for me. Now it’s time for my rebirth. I love trying new things. I just can’t be put in a box.”

Really? I thought the never-been-the-same-since-her-husband-left-her-for-Angie-and-stuck-in-a-non-committed-relationship-cycle-all-while-wearing-black-to-mourn-your-lost-life box fit pretty damn well. Huh. Go figure.

On her never-ending tour to promote “The Bounty Hunter” in Madrid with Gerard Butler:

Jennifer Aniston resumed clinging to Gerard Butler’s thigh like a three-year old who doesn’t want to go to bed at the New York premiere of the “The Bounty Hunter” last night. The Daily Mail says

There was an element to the night which was far more predictable – her over-the-top display of friendly affection with co-star Gerrard Butler.

It’s a familiar sight for seasoned red carpet watchers, who have seen [her] put on similar displays at the U.K. premiere in London last week and as far back as the Golden Globes in January.

It has lead skeptics to brand the union a ‘showmance’ – a fake romance designed to generate buzz about the movie, which by early accounts, needs all the help it can get to achieve box office success.

I, for one, don’t think Jen is staging these pics to heighten interest in her predictably shitty movie. Not at all. I think she’s staging these pics for maximum photoshop-potential later on, like in the header, where she could easily photoshop a wedding dress on herself and icing and cake crumbs around her mouth, and Gerard could be holding a piece of wedding cake that he just shoved in her mouth, and she could caption it, “Ooh, this guy right here!” and put little hearts and wedding bell stickers all around it. Most of us don’t scrapbook our imaginary weddings, so we really can’t be expected understand how it works.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

National poet of Scotland Robert Burns famously said, “When matters are desperate we must put on a desperate face.” I never really knew what that might look like until I saw these pics of Jennifer Aniston at “The Bounty Hunter” premiere last night. Jesus Christ. She stopped just short of humping Gerard Butler’s leg right there on the red carpet. I’ve seen Haitian immigrants strapped to driftwood that didn’t look that desperate.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

Jennifer Aniston and her “The Bounty Hunter” co-star Gerard Butler did a sweaty desert shoot for next month’s W Magazine, and from what I can tell, Jennifer is supposed to be the prostitute and Gerard the john in the pictorial. Like in this picture, where she’s counting the cash, and then this one, where she’s being hauled away by the cops. In real life, Jennifer would never waste valuable time counting money. She’d be too busy scouring the seats for any residual semen that she could scrape into a test tube and take to a lab. I guess the photographers at W Magazine were going for a tongue-in-cheek kinda thing.

Jennifer Aniston’s family-less vacation in Mexico wouldn’t be complete unless she threw herself a “surprise” birthday party. A source told Page Six

“On Saturday, the staff lit 65 candles for her on the terrace of her villa, where all her guests, including Gerard, dined and drank, before a Mariachi band sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to her in Spanish and she was presented with a dark chocolate cake decorated with her star sign, Aquarius.”

It’s the little details that make a birthday party really special, isn’t it? Especially if the one providing all the details is the same one whose birthday party it is, because God knows no husband or children are going to throw her one since she doesn’t have any and it’s gonna be that way for the rest of her life anyway because she’s the relational equivalent of leprosy. I wonder how many Mexican cooks it took to convince her that “desperate” wasn’t a real cake flavor.

Bikini time:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

According to Star, Reese Witherspoon and Gerard Butler might be having “secret hookups”:

“Reese’s friends are giggling about her secretly meeting up with Gerard. She thinks he’s superhot!” a friend of the actress told Star. “Reese is just having a good time with him. They’ve hung out a few times, mostly at his place in L.A.”

The two showed an interest in each other after producers at New Line Cinema approached them a few months ago to read scripts together for a new movie. “New Line thought Reese and Gerard would make a hot on-screen couple,” said the friend.

“They got very chatty while reading the scripts, and there was noticeable chemistry. After that reading, they started talking and hanging out.”

They most recently met up on Jan. 22 at an after party for the Hope for Haiti Now fund-raiser at L.A.’s Sunset Tower Hotel. But the friend says that Reese, 33, isn’t looking for anything serious with the 40-year-old actor, especially since she still cares for ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal.

“Reese doesn’t want to hurt Jake’s feelings and doesn’t want him to know about her and Gerard. She’s not interested in taking it a step further with Gerard — and that’s how she wants to keep it.”

Keep in mind that this rumour is from Star, so it’s probably somewhere between a bald-faced lie and a blatant fabrication.  It’d be pretty funny if it were true, though.  I like Reese Witherspoon, but she’s long been rumoured to be a notoriously tight-ass control freak, whereas Gerard Butler is a total whore.  But hey, after a breakup, what girl doesn’t want a meaningless fling with a guy who’ll screw her eyeballs right out of her head?  Go nuts, Reese.  Just make sure he double bags it.  I mean, that dude’s been everywhere.

Are Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler an item again? And — more importantly — do you even give a shit? Yeah, I thought not. The NY Post says

The pair, who dated during the filming of “The Bounty Hunter” last summer, presented the best screenplay award together at the Golden Globes on Sunday night and repeatedly posed for photographs together. But a spy [says] that the real action was backstage.

“They were drinking [champagne] backstage,” says our spy. “At one point, they were making out in the kitchen. They were attached at the hip all night. They definitely seemed very couple-y. Producers for the show were actually laughing about it over their walkie-talkies.”

Nothing like a little bubbly to rekindle the flames of passion! I of course mean the “burning when you pee” kind of flames of passion. With Gerard Butler, that usually goes without saying.

Gerard with his old bag earlier this month — and I’m not talking about Jennifer Aniston. Zing!

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online, Bauer-Griffin Online