Brad Pitt dropped over eighty grand last week building a special home for — wait for it — his kids’ new pet gerbils. Suck on that, New Orleans! The Sun says

Architecture fanatic Brad Pitt spent $82,000 building [the] bespoke run [and] personally oversaw every step of the project, [which] features a maze of tunnels, seesaws and platforms.

A source said: “Brad pores over architectural journals like other people pore over newspapers. He had so much fun putting the run together with his kids. It’s incredibly complex and cost a lot but Brad’s more than happy with any activity that can combine his two passions - his kids and architecture.”

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I’d wished I was a gerbil, I’d have… five fucking cents. What a stupid fucking waste of money.

Buying the gerbils with Angelina, Pax and Maddox:

If you already thought Angelina Jolie was wild in the bedroom, wait until you hear this. Us Magazine says

After arriving at their chateau in the South of France, [Brad and Angelina] took sons Maddox, 8, and Pax, 5, to a local pet and garden shop to buy gerbils on Thursday.

While at the store. Jolie reached into the cage to pet the “gerbilles” while Pitt perused the aisles. The couple stocked up on a cage and gear for their new pets and also bought Maddox a cactus.

Satiating your deviant coked-up rodent sexual fetishes under the guise of obtaining a family pet? That’s just despicable. And a cactus? I don’t even want to know what she’s going to do with with a fucking cactus. Wait… yes. Yes, I do. Perhaps a video. Or she could write it all down and use words like “throbbing” and “quivering” and “manflesh.” Trust me, I’m not picky. You might have met my first three husbands.