Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael is furiously back-pedaling after telling Us Weekly that his daughter’s rumored lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson was “evident to anyone with half a brain.” He claims his comments were taken out of context, telling the NY Daily News:

“[In regards to the comment], I was talking about what Dina’s show is all about, but they left that part off. I was saying that it’s evident the show is not… about Ali, it’s about Dina.

[As far as Lindsay and Samantha are concerned, I do] not know if the two are having a relationship and [I have] not asked [her] about it. Lindsay’s life choices are up to her.”

Guys, there’s a simple test you can perform to determine whether or not a girl is a gay. You pull down your pants — sexily, of course — then gyrate your hips and begin rocking back and forth to elicit a sort of slapping motion between your testicles and penis. Here’s the test part: A woman who’s gay will kick you in the nuts, probably with a steel-toed workman’s boot or something patchouli-scented. A woman who’s straight will either swoon or point and laugh, possibly both, depending on the size of your wiener. A woman who’s Lindsay Lohan will hurt herself scrambling to get to your penis and remain hypnotized as long as you keep it moving. It’s 100% accurate every time. You just have to be careful where you perform the test. Cops outside a school yard can be real hard-ons sometimes.

The pictures Michael was referencing from that night in Cannes: