Girls Gone Wild douchebag Joe Francis “punched and kicked” Playboy’s 2008 Playmate of the Year Jayde Nicole in an assault at an L.A. nightclub last night. TMZ says

According to [Jayde's boyfriend Brody] Jenner, he and Jayde were at the club celebrating his birthday, when Jayde saw Francis hitting on an ex-girlfriend of his (Francis’), Jenner says “unrelentingly.” Jayde felt he was harassing the woman — whom Jayde and Brody know — and she threw a drink on Francis.

Jenner says Francis then pulled Jayde’s hair, punched her in the face and threw her to the ground and began kicking her. Security broke it up and Francis got dragged away — Brody followed.

Jenner then saw Joe, punched him in the face, and then someone tased him and he fell to the ground. Francis left the scene.

Jayde [says] she will press charges against Francis. Jayde has a black and blue cheek, her face is swollen, she has a bruised left rib and her lower abdomen is sore. Some of her hair also got pulled out.

Wow. Just… wow. Give me a moment to collect my thoughts here. I might need to pace around with my fingers interlocked behind my head. I mean, are we talking about Joe Francis here? The same Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild? Because that Joe Francis is always such a class act. Really, he’s never shown any indication that he has anything other than the utmost respect and admiration for women. This is all just coming straight out of left field.

Old NSFW Playboy pics:

Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s overpriced hooker Ashely Dupré filed a law suit against Joe Francis and Girls Gone Wild yesterday seeking $10 million in damages for misuse of her name and image for profit. Apparently “misuse of tits and lesbian shower scenes” holds no legal bearing in court. Joe Francis issued the following statement to Us Weekly:

“It is incomprehensible that Ms. Dupré could claim she did not give her consent to be filmed by Girls Gone Wild, when in fact we have videotape of her giving consent, while showing her identification. She’s seeking $10 Million for topless photos taken in front of a room full of people, including two newspapers and multiple crews we had in the room. These images were taken in public places and contain no sexual contact.”

That’s why Kurt Vonnegut once said “Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.” Also “Quit being such a goddamn slutty whore.” That last one was my mom, but I think it still applies.

I’ve often wondered how a professional call girl might have spent her eighteenth birthday. Perusing the foliage at the Botanical Gardens, perhaps? Taking a lap at roller rink fête? Showing her tits to a bunch of drunk guys on a Girls Gone Wild tour bus? Ding ding ding! What do we have for her, Johnny? The NY Daily News says

Five years ago, Eliot Spitzer’s infamous call girl celebrated her 18th birthday by starring in a racy lesbian spring break flick. Ashley Alexandra Dupré is featured on seven reels of a sexually explicit video called “Spring Break 2003.” GGW CEO Joe Francis told the Daily News “We have some really great footage of Ashley. There’s a shower scene that alone is worth the money. She was really into girl-on-girl action and she was all over the guys, too. Ashley was “a total ‘GGW’ groupie. She hopped on the bus and rolled with us for a week.”

The Dupré videos will be available on girlsgonewild.com at 6 a.m. Wednesday for $4.95 each.

I know somebody’s mother is beaming with pride this morning! It’s like the day she took Ashley for her first abortion and Christmas all rolled into one magical day. “Chribortion Day.” Every mother should get to celebrate it once!

EDITOR’S NOTE: Everything I predicted has come true. Am I psychotic? I’d say all signs point to yes!

SFW stills from Spring Break 2003: Anything Goes: