Kendra Wilkinson and fiance Hank Baskett are expecting their first child.  From People:

The Girls Next Door E! reality star told E! News’s Marc Malkin, “Hank and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child together. We are touched by the outpouring of support by our family, friends and fans.”

In February, Wilkinson, 23, told PEOPLE: “We always talk about [having kids]. He wants kids so [badly], and I do, too.”

Wilkinson even went so far as to tell PEOPLE that she and Baskett, a wide receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles, were already working on names.

“My first initial is K and my middle name is Leigh, so we were thinking of Kaleigh,” she said. “And he’s Hank Baskett III, so of course I’m going to have a Hank Baskett IV!”

Engaged since November, Wilkinson and Baskett, 26, plan to wed June 27 at the Holmby Hills, Calif., mansion of her former boyfriend, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.

This poor kid has no hope at all of a normal life.  I mean, even regular kids are dumb as hell and they do stuff like poop on the floor and lick electrical sockets, but this baby’s parents are both so stupid they’re barely functional.  The kid will likely never learn how to talk in whole sentences and will probably spend most of its free time eating bugs and trying to fly.  It could have a fantastic career in the circus, though… not everybody would be so willing to climb inside a bear’s mouth and then set their own hair on fire.

At the “Red Tie Affair” Red Cross benefit in Santa Monica in March:

Now that “Girls Next Door” star Kendra Wilkinson has moved out of the Playboy mansion and gotten engaged, she’s spilling the beans on what it’s like having been Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend. Namely, that she had to sneak out of the house to get a little non-82-year-old wiener action from time to time. She told The Sun

“Besides the nights we went out, I only saw Hef, like, once a day walking through the halls to his office - there were never solo dates. I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it.

[Fellow girlfriend and co-star] Bridget [Marquardt] told me that she’s been faithful all these years, and I was like, ‘How the hell can you do that?’ I had to have sex so I could feel my age, like a healthy human being.”

I’m sure you felt less like a human being and more like a sea bass futilely sucking on worm-scented Goby lure. You could probably have just as much fun with five inches of uncooked bread dough and a couple of kiwis in an old stretched-out gym sock.

Kendra Wilkinson cheating on Hugh at the House Bunnies Party:

Pull out your hankies, boys and girls — Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is engaged! Fairy tales really do come true! You know, the fairy tales where the wiggery slut with the fake tits ditches her pimp for a big black dude. You might have heard them referred to as “pornos.” Anyway, E! Online says

Philadelphia Eagles hunk Hank Baskett proposed to her atop the Space Needle this past weekend. [Kendra] seemed completely shell-shocked at the ring. H.B. even got down on one knee to pop the big [question].

I bet Kendra was surprised. It was probably the first time a guy had knelt down in front of her without trying to get a look at her leather doughnut. And to think that dummy went with a ring when all he really needed was a stack of singles and a forty of Schlitz! You might have heard it referred to as “irony.”

It’s official — Girl Next Door Holly Madison is dating illusionist/professional douchebag Criss Angel. The two finally went nauseatingly public at the “Criss Angel Believe” magic show in Vegas over the weekend. Gross. I have to say, if the fate of the nation rested solely in my vagina and I had to choose between porking Hugh Hefner or Criss Angel for the rest of my life, ol’ Hugh would win out every time. Soggy old man balls and all. Of course, I’d also gladly accept a lifetime of Tijuana donkey shows and an eternity of fire and poking, so take that for what it’s worth. By my calculations, about four dollars and seventy-five cents. Please make checks payable to “cash” or “Frugal McDoogal’s Wine and Liquor Warehouse.”