Whitney Houston’s first public singing performance in nearly a decade was a big ol’ hot mess. The NY Daily News says
“I’m sorry,” [Houston] told the capacity crowd at Rumsey Playfield, where she was singing as part of a segment to run on tomorrow’s “Good Morning America” in the 8 a.m. hour. Houston blamed her evident vocal problems on the “Oprah Winfrey Show,” which she had taped Monday to air on Sept. 14th. “When I’m talking, I should be singing,” Houston said. Not even the most loving fan could have missed the cracks in her voice that came once in each song. Or the fact that Houston treated the highest notes the same way drivers with new cars treat pot holes.
Oh, come on now. It wasn’t that bad. Especially if it was Whitney Houston doing James Brown doing a Whitney Houston impression. In that case, I’d have to say it was spot-on!
Crack is wack, crack is cheap — just like that wig:
When did Renee Zellweger get so fat? I mean, you can’t even see the separation between the ulna and the radius in her forearms. Gross. Time to get your fatass on a treadmill and an enema in your pooper, NeNe! Those pounds aren’t going to just magically disappear on their own, you know!
Britney Spears will be going on tour in 2009, marking the first time she has gone global since injuring her knee during her Onyx Hotel Tour back in 2004. And if those performances on X Factor and at the Bambi Awards are any indication, it’s going to be half-hearted mime-off unworthy of your $145. You could save your paycheck and just put a blonde wig and fishnets on one of the animatronic mice at Chuck E Cheese’s and get an equally convincing live performance. Plus you get a free soda and a balloon if you tell them it’s your birthday, and experience has taught me that you’re sure to be the biggest one in the ball pit. Score, baby!
UPDATE: Britney performing “Circus” on Good Morning America (above). Official tour dates and her GMA “Womanizer” performance after the jump.
A lot of times, when people ask me what I “do,” I say “it’s an amalgamation of social commentary and study of the interpersonal dynamics of the culture of celebrity.” And then I pretend to ash my cigar and adjust my imaginary monacle over a snifter of brandy instead of stubbing out my Marlboro in a half-eaten cheeseburger I found under the couch. It just sounds better than saying “I scour the internet looking for upskirts and nip slips like an eleven-year old boy with his mother’s Glamour magazine.” On that note, here’s Jessica Simpson’s bare bottom onstage at Good Morning America yesterday. I’m pretty sure the dynamics of interbeing and monological imperatives are hidden up there somewhere. You just have to keep looking!
Jessica Simpson’s live performance on Good Morning America yesterday sucked bigtime, and not just because she was singing Jessica Simpson songs, either. She had to restart “With You” fifteen seconds in because of audio difficulties and was wearing a dress only a bingo-loving retiree could love, bless her heart. See, “bless her heart” is what we in the South say instead of “I hate you.” Kinda like, “I declare!” instead of “fuck you” and “Why, you look like 10 pounds of shit in a five pound sack!” instead of “you look just like Jessica Simpson.”
Simple Jessica… once there was a retard (on CBS’ morning show):
Katie Holmes was interviewed on “Good Morning America” yesterday, and host Diane Sawyer asked all the hard-hitting questions you’d expect of a journalist. Except for the ones having anything to do with Scientology, contractual agreements, or being the surrogate for the demon seed of L. Ron Hubbard. Page Six says
“GMA” host Diane Sawyer asked Holmes only inoffensive questions about her hair, her clothes, her baby and her new movie. Incredibly, she never even brought up Andrew Morton’s controversial new book, “Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography.”
The network [went into] full damage-control, [with the] “GMA” executive producer [insisting] there was no agreement to avoid the touchy subject. He [claimed] he’d planned for the segment to delve into the personal lives of Cruise and Holmes, but after nearly eight minutes of light banter, called for the segment to end.
I imagine if the topic had been broached, Katie would have just put her hands to either side of her head to fluff her coif, waved an acrylic tipped finger at Diane and said, “That is not a topic. You want I should give you a topic? Here’s your topic: Scientology is neitha a science nor an ology. Discuss.” I can’t imagine you’d steal Linda Richman’s signature look without lifting a couple of her round table techniques, too.
