“Crap-quality pics of Bar Refaeli are still better than no pics of Bar Refaeli,” a voice in my head kept telling me as I uploaded these pics. Except it didn’t stop there. The voice also told me that I was an alien-human hybrid with telepathic powers and that I should try to nurse a feral cat. It didn’t end well. I probably shouldn’t have sold my Klonopin for meth money.

If Dionne Warwick doing nude calisthenics in an indoor pool is your masturbatory fantasy, then you just stumbled on a fucking gold mine, my friend. The rest of us non-pervert-weirdos can plan on being disappointed.

Naomi Campbell in the March issue of GQ UK:

Everybody knows that Jessica Alba is crappy actress who only made it in Hollywood because she’s attractive. It’s common knowledge. But somehow Jessica Alba never got the message, so she put in a bunch of hair extensions and greased herself up in a bathing suit in next month’s issue of British GQ just so she could tell everybody how ugly she thinks she is. The Daily Mail says:

The stunning 29-year-old told British GQ magazine that ever since she had daughter Honor Marie, her looks aren’t what they used to be.

She says, “My breasts are saggy, I’ve got cellulite, my hips are bigger… every actress out there is more beautiful than me.”

Despite this apparent self-criticism, the actress didn’t hesitate to model a variety of sexy outfits for the magazine.

I don’t have the time or the effort to go around shamelessly fishing for compliments to prop up my own inadequate self-esteem. That’s why I drink. Jessica Alba might want to get on that.

Christina Hendricks and her magnificent bosoms are in GQ UK‘s September issue, and all I have to show for it are these two crappy pics and a burning need to go handle some melons in the grocery store.  While I take care of that, you can look at these and hope that there’s some more coming in the issue, which, as part of our sworn duty to bring you up-to-the-minute boobage,  we’ll be sure to post here. It’s all part of my journalistic integrity!

Here’s Victoria’s Secret model Anna Beatriz Barros in August’s GQ UK magazine. I don’t know how black leather, lace and bodysuits are related to the Mojave Desert (the Joshua Trees are a dead giveaway). Usually when I think of the desert I think of snakes and weird hermits in trailers. But it’s GQ UK, so I guess they know what they’re talking about.