GQ has released some behind-the-scenes footage from their photo shoot with Sports Illustrated cover girl Brooklyn Decker in her panties. I don’t know if the shoot was for an upcoming issue or if it’s been around for a while, and to be honest, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me because I no longer believe in the concept of linear time. All is one, and existence in the temporal sense is delusory. That’s what I’m planning on telling the judge at my probation hearing, anyway.

So Lindsay Lohan does kiss her mother with that mouth. Apparently, with tongue. This looks like a screen cap from “Zombie Strippers 2.”

Model Lara Stone in next month’s GQ Men of the Year issue, because nobody wants to see any more of that shit:

Zoe Saldana was Uhura in the Star Trek remake and a sexy blue cat in “Avatar,” so a lot of dorky fanboy types are really into her now. I personally wouldn’t know, because I’m not a dorky fanboy. I just happen to love science fiction and being a virgin.

“Crap-quality pics of Bar Refaeli are still better than no pics of Bar Refaeli,” a voice in my head kept telling me as I uploaded these pics. Except it didn’t stop there. The voice also told me that I was an alien-human hybrid with telepathic powers and that I should try to nurse a feral cat. It didn’t end well. I probably shouldn’t have sold my Klonopin for meth money.

This may be the best marketing campaign Starbucks has ever had.

In an interview with next month’s British GQ, 22-year-old Daniel Radcliffe claims he was a total boozehound the whole time he was filming the Harry Potter series. Us Magazine says:

“I became so reliant on alcohol to enjoy stuff,” Radcliffe tells GQ. “There were a few years there when I was just so enamored with the idea of living some sort of famous person’s lifestyle that really isn’t suited to me.”

Radcliffe considers himself lucky that the paparazzi didn’t bust up his booze habit. “I really got away with that because there were many instances when a paparazzi shot like that could have been taken,” says the actor.

Clean and sober since August 2010, Radcliffe [adds], “As much as I would love to be a person that goes to parties and has a couple of drinks and has a nice time, that doesn’t work for me. There’s no shame in enjoying the quiet life.”

So Harry Potter wants us to think that he was some hard-drinking bad boy living life on the edge for the last five years, yet somehow nobody noticed it. Not even the British paparazzi, who are second only to grizzly bears in terms of overt aggressiveness and thirst for blood. Uh-huh. Maybe someone should tell Harry that Memory Modifying Charms and invisibility cloaks only work in the books. Richie Cunningham is more of a badass than this weenie is.

If you still were under the misguided impression that GQ was a heterosexual man’s magazine, then have a look at these pics of “True Blood” werewolf Joe Manganiello shirtless in next month’s issue and then get back to me. GQ says of the above photo:

Leave the raw denim at home. We can’t guarantee that [these] featherweight jeans will net you a threesome, but you’ll sweat less.

Allow me to save you the $195 and your dignity — those “featherweight jeans” will not be netting you a threesome. Ever. Not unless you’re talking about you and two other dudes or you and both your fists, in which case they should do nicely.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley demonstrates one of the many pitfalls of posing poolside in an evening gown with your legs up in the air — the unfortunate “I’m wiping with my own ass with the bottom half of this dress” effect. Also, there are always horseflies at a pool. That’s why I wear a long-sleeve shirt and pants when I go swimming. Not because I’m fat and I burn easily, no matter what the other camp counselors might have told you.

Bradley Cooper was spotted canoodling with the luscious Olivia Wilde at “The Hangover 2″ premiere party at the Standard Hotel this weekend (for what is meant by the term “canoodling,” please see Life & Style’s photos of them here). According to Page Six:

Handsome Cooper, who split with Renée Zellweger in March after less than two years, stayed close all night to “TRON: Legacy” star Wilde [all night].

Cooper and Wilde were [also] inseparable at Monday night’s Bing-sponsored Cinema Society party, sitting next to each other in a VIP booth, and later headed to the rooftop of the Standard. They left together just before 1 a.m.

Before Olivia, Bradley dated Renee Zellweger, so you could say this is definitely a step in the right direction for him. Much like you could say driving a Lamborghini Reventon is a step in the right direction from being pedaled around in the baby seat of a rusted-out ten-speed with two flat tires and no brakes. Quit while you’re ahead, Bradley, because it’s only downhill from here.

Olivia in the June issue of GQ:

Sports Illustrated’s 2011 Swimsuit Issue cover girl Irina Shayk strips down for this month’s GQ Mexico, but despite her olive complexion, she’s not actually Hispanic. You’d think a Mexican publication would want to put one of their own on the cover, but did you ever hear about the winner of the Mexican beauty contest? Yeah, me neither. They probably just use the natives for issues of “¡Stealing!” and “Lettuce Pickers Monthly.”

Former Pussycat Dolls singer Nicole Scherzinger goes topless in this month’s issue of GQ India, so I felt pretty confident these would be new to you, because really, who the fuck subscribes to GQ India? The discerning gentleman who needs to know which summer scarf best compliments the HIV and plague that have ravaged his body? I’m pretty sure that guy already reads Malaysian Esquire.

Kelly Brook’s Esquire cover is superior to Megan Fox’s October 2008 GQ cover in every sense of the word possible. And by “word” I of course mean “boobs.”

In next month’s Esquire + an older bikini shoot:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures