Iron Man actress Gwyneth Paltrow was photographed bare-faced and makeup-free at a party in the Hamptons last night. It’s not really the best look for her. Unless “relief map of the sink holes of Permian Kaibab” was the look she was going for, in which case she totally nailed it. You could go spelunking in pores that big.
With a face full of paint at the “Two Lovers” premiere in May:
If you don’t keep up with the latest fashion trends, ladies, jumpsuits are supposedly the must-have item for summer 2008. The runways this season were teeming with models sporting the one-piece, a la Gwyneth Paltrow at the “Iron Man” premiere in L.A. last night. To make the ensemble truly authentic, just add a little chest hair and a gold medallion with a robust mustache and a “Far out, groovy lady!” That way, if you need to jump your motorcycle over a flaming gorge, star in a seventies porno or party at a disco in Uzbekistan later on, you’re already dressed for the part. Form and function, my friends!
The Daily Mail attributes Gwyneth Paltrow’s recent weight lost and arduous fitness regime to her mysterious hospital visit on Monday, but rumors of a possible pregnancy are starting to surface elsewhere on the net. According to Rush and Molloy:
“[Husband Chris Martin and she] looked very serious,” a witness tells us. “She looked upset. They went right past everyone and into the elevator. It seemed like they were expected.” Our spy [also reported] that Martin and Paltrow entered Mount Sinai’s maternity wing, the Klingenstein Pavilion.
I’d say a baby sounds about right. You don’t usually go into the maternity ward with “bulimia” or “removing the giant stick from your pompous ass.” Just like you wouldn’t go to a proctologist for swollen tonsils and a sore throat. Not unless you want to find out the distance from your asshole to the back of your throat in medical tubing feet,1 that is. It’s not pleasant, believe me, but it’s a real conversation starter at parties.
1That’d be 26 feet and 11 inches, for those of you interested.
An unusually smiley Gwyneth leaving a pub in North London last month:
Gwyneth Paltrow told a Britain magazine that she hates drunk women. The intolerant actress admits she can’t stand seeing girls partying and getting drunk. Meanwhile, she has denied she and her husband, Chris Martin, are boring.
“There is this perception of us in this country, like, oh, they’re quite boring. They do yoga and they stay home watching UK Gold (British cable channel). I think it’s sort of funny how you have to be doing coke off the ass of some stripper to be perceived as not boring these days.”
Calm down, Gwyneth. Who said you have to do coke to be funny? I think Colplday’s music is boring but your idea of naming your children after fruits is quite funny. I hope you’ll name your second child ‘Banana’. Now that would be funny.
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