Somebody needs to tell Justin Bieber he really needs to lay off the Brylcreem and the eyebrow pencil before he hits the red carpet. Ugh. It’s what Hilary Swank would look like as a gay Ricky Ricardo.

With girlfriend Selena Gomez at the American Music Awards last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I don’t know who’s responsible for Jennifer Lopez’ hair at the London premiere of her shitty new movie, but sweet Jesus, they need to be fired. It looks like… God, I don’t even know what it looks like. A beehive with a combover? A Joe Pesci toupee wrapped around a cantaloupe? I guess you can do something with the hairballs you pull out of your shower drain after all. Waste not, want not, my mom always said. Of course, she was talking about the mouthwash she was drinking at the time, but I guess it works for hairballs, too.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

There are plenty of ways to effectively communicate to your husband that you’re no longer interested in having sex with him. This haircut, for example. It’s the follicular equivalent of a pair of elastic-waist jeans and tweezing your chin hairs while slathered in cold cream. I think most men would prefer you just backed the minivan directly over their genitals.

Because pretending you have a headache is just so clichéd:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Lady Gaga had another PAY ATTENTION TO ME moment at the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics trade show, where she did whatever this crazy business is to her head.  I don’t even know.  I mean, I just get the feeling Prince sees pictures of this chick and mutters under his breath about how some people really need to tone down their eccentricities.  Anyway, Gaga was also recently named Creative Director for Polaroid (???) and Tweeted a picture of her new business cards:

Whatever.  I guess someone who will quite literally do anything to get her picture taken might be a good person to have around at a camera company.  Or something.

At the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics trade show:

It looks like Rihanna’s gone Last of the Mohicans and shaved that man right outta her hair! On the plus side, I’m pretty sure that haircut comes with a lifetime supply of commodity cheese and 0.0063 acres of land in northern Montana. Hope you like whiskey and blackjack, Rihanna!