Tila Tequila is disgusting for many reasons.  She’s a plastic whorey troll who looks like an alien, she’s dumber than a box of hair, she sluts it up for anyone who will stand still for two consecutive seconds, she’s a compulsive liar, and she will do literally anything for attention.  None of this is new, but what’s new is that she’s currently spiraling into a complete psychotic break.

Tila’s always been pretty crazycakes, but she rocketed into batshit insane territory following the death of her “fiancée” Casey Johnson (whom she only dated for a month, by the way).  Tila’s publicist hit the limit of her patience and quit yesterday.  Since then Tila gave a weird, “tearful” video interview to Radar Online and has been using her Twitter as a live-feed documentary of her fall into genuine clinical psychosis.

First she decided she was an angel sent from God:

Listen u guys wanna know about Haiti? Let me tell you something right now. There will be more disasters to come. Even bigger! Warning signs.

I know how the world will end, and yes, it will end. Not in the way you all think it is, but it will end.

Everything you do now is totally irrelevant to what is to come. I am only here to warn you as God’s Messenger and Angel disguised as A Human

Then she said that God took Casey away because of some sort of fraternisation clause in the Angel etiquette handbook:

God took the Love of my Life away from me because I promised him that I was only here to do my job. But I fell in Love with Another Angel

So he took her away from me. That was my fault. I broke the rules of being an Angel on Earth as a messenger. We’re not allowed 2 fall in luv

With another Angel. Cuz it will distract me from doing my job of helping the world. The minute I fell in love with another Angel, I stopped.

God sent me here, but did not tell me how or what I needed to do, so just like all other Angels, I had to choose my path on how 2 blend in..

But now time has run out, I have no choice but to reveal myself and who I really am. There is no more time to waste. We must help each other

Then she tried to raise an “army”:

From me trying to stand up for Domestic Violence, Fight For Gay Rights & animal cruelty, Starting the #TilaArmy 4 those who are good pple..

I try as best I can 2 gather all the good people 2gether & help those that are in need. But as i said, I am only the messenger that u killed

Then she decided to “quit” Twitter:

These will be my last words and my last warning 2 everyone on Twitter. I pray for you & your loved ones. God Bless & take care. Off I go. xo

But that only lasted a few minutes, until she decided to become the Ambassador to Vietnam:

I wil be gone for a while as I have teamed up with some Ambassadors. My next step is to become Ambassador 4 my country in Vietnam….

Say goodbye to “TILA TEQUILA” as she is no longer needed & I have revealed my true identity. Real work needs to be done now. I must go.

Then she decided she was pregnant with GI Joe’s baby:

I have a baby growing inside of me now, & that is my new happiness in life. Happiness is something hard to find, but then again. not really.

That is the big news. Its no longer my brother’s baby as Surrogate mother. It is MY very own baby. Yes. MINE. Jayden came back to his Mommy!

Ps-I’m just happy cuz the baby’s father is a AMERICAN HERO! Served in the US ARMY 4 10 years & fought war in Afgan & got shot. He survived.

Now hes out of Army after 10 years and is now a fireman and EMT! My baby’s father is a HERO and saves lives & risked his own in call of duty

yes my babys father was in Afgan for 10 years & got shot many times. He survived. Casey wanted me to do invitro with him cuz hes a HERO! xox

Casey & I planned the pregnancy together, she wanted me to be the pregnant one, that’s why I did it & we picked a US VET HERO!!! SO blessed!

Then she thought she’d retire from the public eye:

New picture. Next Chapter. Time to move on & shut media out of my personal life. I will only let u in so far & now its back 2 business. xo

Which lasted about three hours, until she went back to planning her ambassadorship:

Great news! I am currently starting my process 2 become Ambassador of Vietnam! Fingers crossed! My other Ambassador friend I know R helping

As Ambassador 4 Vietnam I’ll do SO much 2 help my country! I will help them THRIVE & flourish! In honor of all my ancestors who died in war!

This was ALL within the last 24 hours, and she’s currently nattering about being in a “hardcore” CNN interview tonight.  This is seriously way too much crazy for me to take in.  Based on her Twitter feed, Tila Tequila never sleeps for more than a couple hours at a time, has no friends, never goes anywhere or does anything besides Tweet and pose for pictures, and is crazier than a shithouse rat.  I don’t know if she’s high as hell every minute of her life, if she’s genuinely insane, or if it’s all just the world’s most ceaselessly obnoxious cry for attention, but I am done.  DONE.

I’m never, ever talking about Tila Tequila again.  Maybe on the day she dies for realsies I’ll talk about it so we can all celebrate a little, but until then she is DEAD TO ME.  I don’t know how Abby and Sonya feel about it, and maybe they’ll still cover Tila Tequila’s crazy shenanigans, but after the last ten days I just cannot HANDLE her ass anymore.

Taylor Momsen is halfway famous for a few things: she’s on that “Gossip Girl” show, she wears waaaay too much makeup, she dresses like a hooker even though she’s only 16, and she likes to pretend she’s “hardcore.”  Basically she’s Avril Lavigne, except she’s American instead of Canadianesian.  Apparently, Taylor Momsen would also really like to be famous for running her mouth off and sounding like a stupid asshole.  From OK! magazine:

While the rest of the world is expressing their concern for the people of Haiti while they struggle to recover from the 7.0-magnitude earthquake that has taken the lives of hundreds of thousands and left many more without food, shelter or medical care, Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen tells OK! that, well… like, she’s just too busy right now to even pretend to care about the situation.

Last night, OK! caught up with the leggy teenager at the Victoria’s Secret store in NYC’s SoHo district, where she was promoting her new fragrance, Love Rocks. And when asked if she’s planning to follow the lead of stars like Wyclef Jean, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who are making high-profile donations and pleas for help, Taylor told OK!, “Um, right now I’m trying to just finish my record and getting through the last season of Gossip Girl for right now. So not so much thinking about that.”

But before you think she’s both clueless and heartless, Taylor added, “But it’s awesome that everyone is ya know working towards a good cause.”

One topic Taylor could talk about more easily discuss was her new scent. “Well, I like that the scent is a little bit tougher than a lot of the other Victoria’s Secret scents that have been out,” she explained. “Ya know, it’s just a little bit more masculine which I like a lot. And the packaging looks really pretty on a vanity I think. And I like the little spray, what’s that called? An atomizer. I like the little atomizer.” So she knows what an atomizer is, but can’t manage to act like she cares about one of the biggest catastrophes in recent history. Good to know she’s got her priorities straight!

I love how OK! magazine is pretty much straight-up calling her a vapid piece of shit.  Look, I get that Taylor Momsen is 16, and that excuses a certain degree of youthful stupidity, but this is ridiculous.  She was asked about a horrific tragedy which devastated an entire country, and she answered by pimping her album and her show and saying she doesn’t give a shit about all those people who died.  I might’ve just considered her willfully ignorant had she answered by saying that she doesn’t know where Haiti is and she doesn’t watch the news or know how to read so she can’t offer an opinion on the subject.  I’d at least give her points for honesty, then.  But what she did instead was attempt to imply that she’s too busy and important to think about other human beings, even for the time it takes to utter one sentence.  What a useless little assclown.

Also, I’d like to know what the HELL Victoria’s Secret is thinking, partnering with a 16-year-old on a fragrance?  They’re a lingerie store, for Christ’s sake, and she’s a CHILD.  A child wearing a nightie.  In public.  As a dress.  She’s got on so much makeup that she looks closer to 34 than 16.  That’s creepy and disgusting.  Also seemingly disgusting: this perfume.  The setup they’ve got going here, with the cheesy rock ‘n roll theme and a kid dressed up like a stripper, just makes me think this perfume will smell like cigarettes, whiskey-sweat and pedophilia.

Taylor Momsen at the NYC launch of her new Victoria’s Secret perfume:

The Jolie-Pitt Foundation, established by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, is donating $1 million USD to emergency medical operations responding to the 7.3-magnitude earthquake which struck Haiti on Tuesday.  From People:

“It is incredibly horrible to see a catastrophe of this size hit a people who have been suffering from extreme poverty, violence and unrest for so many decades,” says Jolie.

Adds Pitt: “We understand the first response is critical to serve the immediate needs of countless people who are now displaced from their homes, are suffering trauma, and most require urgent care.”

The Jolie-Pitt Foundation is donating the funds to Doctors Without Borders/Médecins Sans Frontiéres, whose three hospitals in Port-au-Prince were severely damaged, forcing the staff to work out of open-air hospitals.

Meanwhile, the entire Hollywood Foreign Press Association could only be arsed to give $100,000 from their foundation, and it seems they’re doing it mostly just to whore for publicity:

In its statement, the organization said, “The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is announcing at the Golden Globes that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association Foundation is donating $100,000 to Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti relief fund for the victims of the Haiti earthquake.”

Ugh.  Gross.  The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is supposedly a non-profit which hosts the Golden Globes every year for the express purpose of raising money for charity, and yet all they can offer an entire country devastated by a massive earthquake is a paltry hundred grand?  Shut the fuck up, Hollywood Foreign Press.  That’s like giving a nickel to a kid with no legs.

Meanwhile, you — yes, YOU — can also donate to Haiti earthquake relief efforts. You’ve got $10, right?  Shut the hell up, yes you do.  Everybody has ten bucks, asshole.  Don’t be such a miser.  Over 1.8 million people lived in the epicenter of that quake, and they need help.

US residents can donate to Doctors Without Borders Haiti Earthquake Response directly through their website, or by calling 1-888-392-0392.  Non-US residents can donate to Doctors Without Borders here.

UNICEF requests donations for relief for children in Haiti via their Haiti Earthquake Fund. You can also call 1-800-4UNICEF.

If you live in the UK, you can call the DEC’s dedicated Haiti Earthquake appeal line which is open 24 hours a day on 0370 6060 900, or go to the website and follow the simple instructions.

If you really don’t have ten bucks, then I bet you’ve got five bucks.  No, seriously, shut up because even bums on park benches have five bucks.  Text “Yele” to 501501 and the $5 charged to your phone bill will be given to relief projects through Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti foundation.