Photographer Craig McDean has a different way of viewing jail than I do. His vision includes sexy blonde siren Blake Lively up to no good and waiting for her punishment in a clean, if albeit bleak jail. My vision usually includes less sexy and more urine, puke and probing. Sometimes in that order.

Sans-puke:

Shawn Chapman Holley was by Lindsay Lohan’s side when she turned herself over to authorities this morning, because the new attorney she hired two days ago dumped her ass last night. You’ll remember that Shawn quit earlier this month, but will be obligated to show up on Lindsay’s behalf because of a legal technicality. And if there’s one thing Lindsay knows all about, it’s legal technicalities. TMZ says

Robert Shapiro informed the judge in Lindsay Lohan’s case, he’s no longer representing her.

We do not know why Shapiro has left the case. He said publicly he would represent Lindsay only if she agreed to jail and followed his instructions.

[However], Shawn Chapman Holley never signed the substitution of attorney form last Friday to get out of the case, so she’s on the hook.

The good news is she’s off to jail. The even better news is that she’ll only get to shower every other day and will be strip searched in front a room full of strangers before she checks in. But to be honest, I’m not sure how being dirty and nasty with some chick’s fingers in her puss is gonna teach her anything. She’s already been doing that voluntarily for the last two years.

Sorry for the late start guys, it’s Sonya and I’ll be filling in today!

Boy George has been sentenced to 15 months in jail, but unfortunately, not for the abomination that is called Do You Really Want to Hurt Me (thanks for setting me straight, Arthur!). It seems like ol’ Georgie has to pay for a “male escort” these days, and even then, has to resort to handcuffing them to a wall to keep them in his apartment. BBC News reports,

The singer, whose real name is George O’Dowd, denied the charge and claimed the victim, Norwegian Audun Carlsen, 29, had stolen photos from his laptop.

O’Dowd, 47, admitted handcuffing him to a wall in April 2007 but said he did so in order to trace the missing property.

Judge David Radford told the singer he was guilty of “gratuitous violence”.

Judge Radford said: “Whilst I accept that Mr Carlsen’s physical injuries were not serious or permanent, in my view there can be no doubt that your premeditated callous and humiliating handcuffing and detention of Mr Carlsen shocked, degraded and traumatised him.

“He was deprived of his liberty and human dignity without warning or proper explanation to him of its purpose, length or purported justification.”

Oh sure, like a male prostitute isn’t used to being handcuffed and degraded. You don’t volunteer to be a paid butt buddy to earn self-esteem and social standing, do you?

Boy George with friends and family at the courthouse: