Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus showed off a new ten-years-too-late nose piercing while cruising around Hollywood with her mom yesterday. Maybe next she can do the Macarena and start a wicked-cool Pog collection.

^{PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News}

Sixteen-year old Miley Cyrus spent the week vacationing with her family in the Bahamas. Okay — newsworthy, no; but bikini, yes. I went with my gut here. The Daily Mail says

Pictured in a mix and match bikini set… the Hannah Montana star is in the Bahamas soaking up the sun for a relaxing holiday.

Funny, when I was in high school, I never spent my days lounging on some white sand beach in a six hundred dollar bikini. Not even close. I was usually wresting my hall monitor beret and sash out of the toilet and figuring out ways to unlock my locker from the inside. I think I speak for all of us in the chess club when I say a hearty ‘fuck you’ to Miley Cyrus.

Last week, it was widely rumored that Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus wanted off Disney gold mine “Hannah Montana” so that Miley could focus on her singing career. TMZ reported

Our spies on the set tell us Miley has bragged that she will get fired, making it clear she wants to focus on singing and not the show. For his part, Billy Ray has also made it clear that there is more money in singing than a Disney cable show. The father-daughter team has been showing up to the set ridiculously late, stalling production and infuriating cast and crew.

Billy Ray has told people on the set that he and Miley will do 12 more episodes and then they are out. Disney was so pissed they called his agent, railing that Billy Ray and Miley [will] not only finish the 24 episode season, but [that] Disney was adding six more episodes.

But now that the Disney machine’s gotten a hold of her, Miley’s singing a different tune. Get it? Singing? Ha ha! Try not to cut yourself on my rapist’s wit. Miley told People

“I am fully committed to Hannah Montana. It’s what gave me this amazing opportunity to reach out to so many people. We have an amazing cast that is so supportive, including my dad who has been there for me every step of the way. I’m really excited about our new season. We are making great new episodes that I can’t wait for our fans to see.”

Oh, that’s right, bitch. When Disney says jump, you say “how high?” And also, “how far should I spread my cheeks apart?” and “do you want me to bend over, or should I just kneel?”

At the Coffee Beam Tea Leaf in Toluca Lake on Friday:

Miley Cyrus believes the time has come to pull the plug on her hit Disney show “Hannah Montana.” According to OK! Magazine

“We’re thinking this is our last season,” Cyrus said.

In response to rumors that she’s trying to distance herself from her Disney family, Cyrus says, “I’m still with my family. They always feel like home, and that’s what I love about the company. They are family.”

In case you’re wondering, that up there is the stance you take when you want to wave good-bye to your career with Disney. It also happens to be the same stance you take when you want to wave hello to a career in B-movies and soft core porn. The world is your oyster, Miley!

More slutty Miley Cyrus pictures hit the net over the weekend — these supposedly hacked from her cellphone and intended for Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers. Hannah Montana, now with more wet t-shirt and bare midriff action! Arrest record sold separately. According to Nine MSN

The supposed email hacker bragged that these were the most innocent of the photos he found, and that he would be selling the rest to the highest bidder.

“I have worse pictures than these,” he posted on the Digital Gangster forum, “and those are prob getting sold. I saw alot (sic) of juicy emails, but I never thought of saving them.. now I kick myself for not.. there where (sic) so many juicy emails that I read…”

“Juicy” ‘tween text messages? Sorry, but my panties don’t drop at the sight of multiple consonants in all capital letters. I’m an old-fashioned kinda girl. I like my slut talk long-winded and ripe with vowels, preferably in scrolling cursive on perfumed stationary. Also acceptable: extreme close-ups of your wiener. I guess it’s more of a generational thing, really.

On the beach in Malibu July 11th:

Disney no doubt has their Mickey Mouse underpants in a wad over “Hannah Montana’s” latest shitty Nielsen ratings. MSNBC reports

It’s possible that Miley Cyrus’ Vanity Fair photo shoot might have had an impact on her show’s ratings. The May 4 episode of “Hannah Montana” saw a ratings drop of 24 percent… [and] overall ratings for the show have been in decline.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say ratings are down because her show fucking sucks. There. I said it. I’m not afraid of a little controversy. Like at Easter dinner, when my stepmother asked me to pass the salt, and I yelled, “You’ll never be my mom and you’re not the boss of me, Tina!” and ran upstairs and slammed the door so hard my Hannah Montana poster fell off the wall. Ooh, that’s right, boys and girls. I serve up a big slice of truth with a steaming helping of in-your-face, so if you can’t handle it, you should just get off the train now.

Miley picking up her sister from school April 30th:

A douchebag kid hellbent on hijacking a plane and crashing it into a Hannah Montana concert in Louisiana was arrested in Nashville, Tennessee (Woo! Tennessee!) Tuesday night. Fox News reports

The 16-year-old boy was removed from Southwest Airlines Flight 284 Tuesday night by authorities at Nashville International Airport and found with… handcuffs, rope and duct tape in his bag. It has not been determined if the boy was trying to crash the plane… into a “Hannah Montana” concert in Lafayette, Louisiana. The teen is believed to be suicidal.

Bolds said the teen was calm throughout the flight and never made an attempt to hijack the plane but told the FBI after he was apprehended about his original plans to commandeer the aircraft. Authorities searched the teen’s home in California and found a mock cockpit.

“His plan had a low probability of success,” [FBI spokesman] George Bold said.

It’s a real shame. That’s the kind of terrorist movement I could actually get behind. Also anyone willing to purge the airways of “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” and Nickelodeon’s “Drake and Josh.” Justifiable Jihad, baby!